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Controlling the conversation as the strong silent type/introvert - ridiculousbeast - 2016-06-14
Sup guys,
I had a chat with a guy on messenger who wanted help with how to act in social circles. He is quiet, doesn't like to be too loud, but wants to be alpha still.
I used to be the same. I get completely drained if I talk too much. So this article is the answers that I gave him. I copy pasted and edited in like 2 min so it's not the most well written piece. But the content is gold and I think it could help a lot of guys here.
HOW TO VIBE WITH PEOPLE
You need to learn a couple of different skills.
First of all you need to learn how to relate back and forth.
When someone says something it should trigger a relating story in your own head, or a relating question to ask. Sometimes questions and sometimes stories.
So when someone speaks you relax and listen, and just keep an open mind to what you can relate this to.
Remember to relax and "just be cool" though. That's how to make this come off in a good way. So when someone says something you get into a story or something in a very relaxed manner.
And then when you tell a story you speak slowly, use pauses and most important: Give eye contact and TOUCH to everyone in the group to keep them engaged and make sure they listen. Don't do it in a reactive way, hard to describe in text but pay attention to this. If you know some charismatic and dominant people you'll usually see how they are very "touchy feely" even as they speak.
So when you speak you put your hand on people. Very important. Just become a very touchy-feely dude.
And if someone cuts you off you RAISE YOUR VOICE and put your hand on him to signal to wait. You can also go "one sec dude".
But again, I need to stress being "cool" is more important than being charismatic.
You don't need charisma. You need congruence and coolness.
Which leads me to my next point
The number one secret to my success with women and social skills is my ability to control the social rythm with QUESTIONS.
Questions are the secret weapon of the true masters of social engineering.
I can do magic with questions. And the best part is that questions are so innocent. So other guys don't even realise that they are being used as pawns. And they lower their guard. They think they are more alpha than you because you listen as they speak. But they are jumping through your hoops. Hoop after hoop. And when they realise what's going on it's already too late.
So when people speak you listen. But in a cool way. You slowly become the ANCHOR of the group. And people talk about what you want. So I'm gonna tell you a story to make my point.
I'm very good friends with a natural who has slept with 200+ girls at age 23. He is now 31. He has the most insane confidence I've ever seen. His stories are amazing and his story telling skills are even crazier. He is using fucking sound effects when he is telling stories and you just get drawn in. I can listen to him talk for hours. And I do. Every time I see him. It's just the way it is. When he is part of the group he simply takes over. But I am still the alpha male of the group many times.
Why?
Because I tell him what I like, what I don't like, what I want to hear more about and what I want him to skip. So I shape his stories without him even realising it. And he stops looking at other people. Starts only talks to me. Even though there might be 8 other poeple in the room. And at the end of it I will ask him "So why did you do this?" "What happened then?" "did that REALLY happen?" and so he starts qualifying his stories to me then I will turn to someone else and I make the decision that he/she has the word now: "David you had a similar experience once, tell them what happened"> "That's a great story..hey Sarah, what happened that time when..."
and that's how it keeps going, I start deciding who speaks, what he/she speaks about, and then i make them qualify their stories to me.
There’s a lot of things going on here. When you sit and listen you are usually investing less.
If you are also being “the judge” and telling what’s good and what’s bad about the stories people start trying to impress you.
And lastly you also take charge of everything by giving the word to different people.
It’s also very value giving and pleasant because like this you can make sure that everybody get to contribute to the vibe. Even the people who usually won’t speak up. Everybody will feel good from this. Usually people get super interested in finding out more about you too. When you just put focus on everybody else you become a little mysterious since you aren’t talking about yourself. You seem very high value like this. Without self amusing and running your mouth non-stop. This is very very powerful.
If you combine a very powerful non verbal communication and great fashion with bold and assertive questions you will be running circles around any natural in these situations.This also happens to be an excellent way to network and make friends too. It’s a very warm and pleasant behaviour.
When you do this you also learn that people like you for you. Without you telling stories all the time and putting on a show people still like you. In fact they still love you. This will make you realise your own value. You won’t feel the need to constantly have people’s attention to feel good about yourself. You won’t feel the need to make people laugh all the time. And you will play a much “safer” game. It’s easier to pull this off than it is to pull off a fucking comedy show like most PUAs nowadays.
RE: Controlling the conversation as the strong silent type/introvert - Ragnarök - 2016-06-14
Ah, bra skit. Har själv, utan att göra det till en stor teknik, tänkt på detta. Eftersom en nära polare jag växt upp med är en riktig snackepelle har jag även fått det här rätt naturligt, vet hur jag ska trycka för att personen ska fortsätta prata, investera mer etc. Därför många wierdos dras till mig, jag boostar dom för att vara snälla typ.
En sak jag märkt är att när man väl fått personen att värdera din åsikt om vad han säger väldigt högt (för stunden alltså) så om man då drar en komplimang till personen så blir personen överväldigad av lycka. Du belönar hans beteende och bekräftar honom/henne. Pull typ. Detta kan ju också göras mot tjejer, fast man belönar dom sexuellt.
Hela grejen är ju lite push and pull.
Har en natural polare som alla tjejer gillar också som också lyckas få den där auktoriteten fastän han inte pratar själv något.
RE: Controlling the conversation as the strong silent type/introvert - biggerstrongerfaster - 2016-06-15
Bra text, vet precis vad du menar med att man styr konversationen med frågor.
Brukar själv göra det vid tillfällen då någon är bättre på att snacka än mig och det är brudar runtomkring, då är det inte lönt att försöka konkurrera på det området. Dock är det ju sjukt mycket roligare att snacka själv än att lyssna på andra haha.
RE: Controlling the conversation as the strong silent type/introvert - Fiskarn - 2016-06-17
Bra post, Känner igen mig i flera avseenden. Är som ofta så att kompisar fokuserar på mig eller pratar "genom mig" när de pratar till mig/gruppen. Jag är dock rätt dålig på att vara tyst då det cirkulerar mängder med stories i huvudet hela tiden som jag vill få ut. Men jag har detta rätt naturligt nuförtiden och det fungerar helt klart!
Boosta någons ego, belöna, upphöja - Good shit! Också ha i åtanke att människor älskar att prata om sig själva. Vissa (Chodes) kan dock bli en "plåga" då de svansar efter en hela kvällen om du upphöjer dem mycket.
Speciellt i större grupper eller när jag vill vara relaxed blir det dock lätt att jag kör 1on1 istället för att "socialt" ta alfapositionen som alfaguy eller "strong silent guy". (Bör nämna att jag fortfarande kan vara den som styr när vi går ut, drink games, musik mm om det gäller en förfest) Problemet jag ser är att det för mig tar energi att hela tiden vara vaken i samtalet, speciellt när det är mycket folk. Det blir helt enkelt för mycket intryck om jag inte är i rätt mode. Då håller jag hellre till en bit utanför. Imo blir samtalen också mer ytliga när det är mycket folk så att det växla till 1on1 och gå in på djupet inom något gemensamt ämne anser jag mer värdefullt.
RE: Controlling the conversation as the strong silent type/introvert - StayHungry - 2016-07-30
Skulle gärna vilja höra lite fler detaljer angående historieberättande och frågor. Tycker inte att jag har särskilt bra historier och är dålig på att berätta dem oftast. Ska man hitta på historier, sno någon annans kanske? Alltså jag kan massor om allt möjligt men jag är sjukt tråkig och lågmäld oftast.