Relaxation Pt II --> Unplug from validation

[ridiculousbeast]

Hey champs,

So I wrote an article about being super relaxed. This is basically part II of the same theme. Tonight I'm going to go more in-depth about what happened those nights when I went out and didn't try any GAME. I just relaxed. I relaxed more than my body. I relaxed EMOTIONALLY. I let go of the EFFORT of pickup. I stopped trying to create an outcome. Every time I felt the stressful emotion of trying to "create attraction" I JUST RELAXED and let it dissipate instead. I completely QUIT DOING PICKUP.

This article is long and all over the place. The reason it's not very well structured is because I'm trying to explain something very esoteric - how to not seek validation. It's really difficult to explain to someone who doesn't "get it" yet. So let me know what is confusing after readin this and I'll do my best to explain further.

This article will look a little different than how I normally write also btw. I'm basically going to hammer on the same idea over and over again. It may come off a little repetitive. It's because I'm trying to convey a shift that needs to happen on a very deep level. And unlike outer game stuff this is not very easy to communicate to someone who hasn't already experienced this shift. This went over my head for the longest time. It's also not talked about enough or in the right way in my opinion. I've only had brief glimpses of understanding of this from consuming content from 2 people in the community. So it's not an easy task.

Here is the sentence that resonated the most in my head:
DON'T CONVEY VALUE

You gotta find what semantics work the best for you. I think the way you communicate this concept to yourself is very important. If it doesn't resonate in the right way it won't have the desired effect. (Unplugging from validation)


So here is what I did (and do):
* Stop tensing up. This is deeper than it sounds. Look at previous article for more on this
* Stop conveying value
* Do whatever feels right
* STILL follow proper game

Stop Conveying Value
Alright, so here's the main problem guys in the community have.
Here's a common progression among community guys.
They try to show people how cool they are. Girls, wings, random people on the internet, their mom, their dad. They are chodes. Then they find game.
They learn to not try to impress.
So they start using negs and outer game techniques and/or learn how to become funny and self amuse, get into state etc.
They do this (self amuse for instance) to show the girl how little they are trying to impress her.

TO IMPRESS HER

Do you see the retarded rationalising going on here?
You (most of you at least) are trying to impress girls by showing them that you aren't trying to impress them.

Which is trying to impress.

So when you talk to someone (this can be anyone) you can watch your brain coming up with all sorts of DUMB ASS SHIT to try to convey value. Whatever you have been programmed to think will impress people. I see dudes who "coach pickup" make these retarded examples when they try to make a point.

They say just self amuse. And they hammer in the point by making an example of "normal guys ask her out on dates, tell her about their car etc". But they fucking what? People in the community fucking DOOOON'T. We all know this shit by now. AND STILL PEOPLE DONT GET LAID. I don't care about how good you are at self amusing and pumping your state.
If you get into state to do pickup you are fucking yourself in the ass.
If you are building momentum to do pickup you are fucking yourself in the ass.
If you are trying to show how non-needy you with the latest push pull routine you are fucking yourself in the ass.

I'm not saying those things are bad. But if you do anything to impress people, get validation and get attention it won't work that well.

An alpha male does what he wants to do.

I do whatever Feels Right.
Don't force yourself into high energy state.
Or low energy state.
Be in the state you're in.
Don't build momentum.
Don't tell DHV stories.
Don't try to "build attraction".

Be a little mindful of why you say and do shit to a hot girl in the club.
If you catch yourself talking about other girls to show "pre-selection", then stop. Shut up.
Social proof? Don't.
Money? Don't.

Just drop it.

If you completely stop conveying value. Doesn't matter if it is the value society tells you is attractive or the value pickup tells you. (Social conditioning vs Pickup conditioning).

Don't tell your friends about all your lays.
Don't post all these damn pics online.

Let go of these external sources of validation, acceptance, comfort.

Even go the opposite direction. Tell girls about shit you think will NOT attract them. Tell them you are a little nervous right now. Tell them you are not super experienced with girls. Tell them you are broke.
Like literally do this. Tell girls about your insecurites. And when you feel that thing coming up inside you. That feeling of nervousness. RELAAAAX IT. This is going back to my previous article so wont go into detail about that right here. But this is basically the key to congruence. Everybody can say shit they think is "high status" about themselves with a strong non verbal communication. But being open about insecurites in a super relax and almost nonchalant manner is the real deal. And girls know this. They feel this. Only fucking GANGSTERS dare to do this shit.

Now, don't start saying dumb shit to impress girls now either. Just be open about insecurities to learn that you don't need to seek approval.

So to summarize quickly before I move on:
1. Super relaxed
2. Don't convey value. Even be open about insecurites (and agendas, like SEXUAL DESIRE, but that's another story for another day).

This makes you CRAZY congruent. Like insanely congruent.

It's funny because I read about this so many times before. Anybody who's red Models by Mark Manson will recognise the ideas concepts of this article. But it's not about recognising a concept. It's not about remembering, memorising and becoming an academic in pickup theory. You got to make this "click" on an EMOTIONAL level. That's the first step. Then, you got to have this click on an identity level.
I hope you guys really understand the difference between understanding these concepts on logical, emotional and identitiy level. You need to differentitate between these three levels of understanding. And then you need to get to work.

So how do you go from logical to emotional understanding?
That's what I've been talking about throughout this post. Stop doing this that you're doing to convey value. To show attractive qualities. To come across as high value.
Combine that with intense, deep relaxation.
Also get a couple of dumb ass PU concepts out of your head.
* Warm up
* Build momentum
* Get into state
* "Build"/"Create" attraction

These concepts are telling your brain that you aren't good enough yet and you need these things. Stop doubting yourself.
You can get a lot of success with tight outer game. You can become successful by using tricks, routines and gimmicks. But until you get comfortable with being "emotionally naked" in front of people you won't get that deep, intense change in your emotional brain that makes you so "entitled" that women just throw themselves at you without you doing anything.
We all know what this is like though, because we've all had nights like this. But most people believe it's because of "state'. It's not. It's because sometimes you unplug from seeking validation. And all of a sudden you can say and do anything, and you get away with it.
You stop investing (key) in trying to fit in, assess how people are perceiving you and thinking about where you stand in the social hierarchy.
Other people ARE investing (guaranteed) into trying to fit in, assess their status etc.
You are less invested than the rest.
People become reactive.
You become/are high status now.

Then you get success. Now you have the emotional understanding. Now the next level, the identity level, comes as a natural consequence. Just keep getting more proof and you'll change automatically.
With proof that people like you without doing shit you will realise on a deep level (IDENTITY LEVEL CHANGE) that you are on top on the social hierarchy.


That's what happened me.
I described this briefly in my last article. But to give a quick background anyway: I stumbled upon the insight of how potent true, deep, relaxation is one night a few years ago. But I lost it because I didn't really understand it. I thought it was "presence", in the eastern philosophy sense of the word.

WRONG

THE PROBLEM WITH EASTERN PHILOSOPHY
The problem with this "presence" thing is that I started focusing on the wrong shit after this event. I started thinking that presence and being free of ego was the key.
As a result I went out to the club after this and meditated (lol) and as soon as I got present I would approach. But I approach and hoped it would "work". So I would open with the need of her validation. I still cared. I got shot down.
This confused me and I read various resources on pickup and presence and came to the conclusion that I had to get rid of my ego.
Which fucked me up and I lost the mojo. Again.

Then I got it back sporadically and I kept getting more and more confused. Especially when I saw guys with big egos getting success. Eventually I came to the conclusion that eastern philosophy was not the key. (true)

Then I had that crazy night when I was so crazy depressed that all I cared about was relaxing because if I didn't relax my emotions go out of control. So I didn't care at all about girls' validation. I didn't try anything. I was full of ego, I wasn't completely present, but I didn't TRY to convey anything and I was fully relaxed. I tried so little that I would just let anything out. So I was open about feeling fucking broken inside. It all came out because I just didn't care at all about what the girls thought. I was still horny though and wanted to fuck. So I approach just to see if anything would happen if I just approach without trying anything. Let's just not commit suicide was kind of the bar I set for the night.

I leaned back against a wall. Just didn't approach. Pickup people would keep approaching me, I just answered 1-2 words and looked the other way. A couple of guys told me "you look bored man, you gotta get momentum man! Approach her!". They tried to help. Tried to push me. I just told them to "go approach yourself, I'm not your friend."

I would only approach the crazy scary sets. It was kind of an exercise because I didn't try to get laid really even though i was horny, I just wanted to build my character a little.

So I talked to girls the same way I dealt with community people that night. 1-2 word answers. When they asked me about shit I could brag about I just didn't. They had to pull it out of me. I didn't take much interest. Because I didn't care about her validation. Or anyone's validation. I just tried to relaxed and did my best to be polite. Which was hard. But I did open with a compliment and tried to be somewhat nice. That kept them around. But the second they did something I didn't like I would leave. They felt this. They felt I didn't look to ANYONE for acceptance, validation, comfort. They also realised that I approached completely relaxed and congruent without a drop of alcohol. That I didn't do anything to keep their attention. They realised I could up and leave at any second, they were always on the verge of losing me.
That night became really crazy eventually. I kept up this behaviour. When I did I realised that girls like me for me. Not for my state, momentum, stories, jokes, routines, push pulls, compliance building skills, sexual frame control etc.

In the coming 3-4 weeks I went completely insane. I had a hard time sleeping. My identity was changing. I started to realise that I was at the top of the social hierarchy. It was insane to realise. Everything changed. And I was now the one who GIVE validation, not seeking it. It comes from within me. My main wing at the time (BIG DADDY) saw this change happen and couldn't believe it. I had been struggling for the longest time and then I just flipped a fucking switch.


So that was what my game looked like for some time. And it got me more success than 99,999% of guys in the community ever get.
But here's the kicker

Then I added "game" back into my arsenal. I went back to following an effective and efficient model. Basically highly sexual, super direct version of mystery method. Compliance momentum, frame control, hard core pulling. Backed up by not giving a single little fuck about people's thoughts and opinions. I became fucking lethal like this. When guys ask me what to do I usually talk about outer game, and not about this shit. Because this is so hard to teach and explain. I also think that having a model to follow makes you relaxed and comfortable. You take rejection less personally. And you usually get success faster. I believe that's the best way to start. Because many techniques are very very real. They WORK.
Get success like that, but learn to fucking relaaaax too. And also stop saying shit to get validation. Use a punish/reward behaviour to create compliance and investment. But do it because it's FUN, not because it's attractive or because some dude on the internet told you to do it. Learn about frame control too, but because it's FUN. Same thing with pulling.
But for the love of god - STOP CREATING ATTRACTION, BUILDING MOMENTUM, GETTING INTO STATE, CREATING DRAMA ETC BECAUSE YOU THINK THE GIRL WILL LIKE YOU FOR IT. It doesn't matter what you do if you seek her validation.


I STILL Follow Proper Game. But I just don't care about her validation.

[Evilvalle]

Det här är riktigt bra grejer. Jag rekommenderar att alla läser, läser det igen och förstår det. Det är i stort sett all "inner game" man behöver, med allt flum som kan göra en förvirrad bortslipat.

[ångest101]

Det har var faktiskt bra och moget skrivet, märks att du vet vad du pratar om helt enkelt.

[bachelor]

Det här är riktigt bra grejer. Jag rekommenderar att alla läser, läser det igen och förstår det. Det är i stort sett all "inner game" man behöver, med allt flum som kan göra en förvirrad bortslipat.

Älskar verkligen skiten. Känns som att detta kommer i exakt rätt läge för mig personligen. Har famlat efter något det sista och detta känns så jävla spot on.

Frågan är bara hur fan man applicerar "konceptet". Jag förstår vad jag läser men samtidigt förstår jag inte fullt ut. Då hade jag ju i så fall redan haft "identiteten" på plats?

[TonightIsTheNight]

Bra text även om det absolut är en smula motsägelsefullt.

[Evilvalle]

Then I had that crazy night when I was so crazy depressed that all I cared about was relaxing because if I didn't relax my emotions go out of control. So I didn't care at all about girls' validation. I didn't try anything. I was full of ego, I wasn't completely present, but I didn't TRY to convey anything and I was fully relaxed. I tried so little that I would just let anything out. So I was open about feeling fucking broken inside. It all came out because I just didn't care at all about what the girls thought. I was still horny though and wanted to fuck. So I approach just to see if anything would happen if I just approach without trying anything. Let's just not commit suicide was kind of the bar I set for the night.

I leaned back against a wall. Just didn't approach. Pickup people would keep approaching me, I just answered 1-2 words and looked the other way. A couple of guys told me "you look bored man, you gotta get momentum man! Approach her!". They tried to help. Tried to push me. I just told them to "go approach yourself, I'm not your friend."

I would only approach the crazy scary sets. It was kind of an exercise because I didn't try to get laid really even though i was horny, I just wanted to build my character a little.

So I talked to girls the same way I dealt with community people that night. 1-2 word answers. When they asked me about shit I could brag about I just didn't. They had to pull it out of me. I didn't take much interest. Because I didn't care about her validation. Or anyone's validation. I just tried to relaxed and did my best to be polite. Which was hard. But I did open with a compliment and tried to be somewhat nice. That kept them around. But the second they did something I didn't like I would leave. They felt this. They felt I didn't look to ANYONE for acceptance, validation, comfort. They also realised that I approached completely relaxed and congruent without a drop of alcohol. That I didn't do anything to keep their attention. They realised I could up and leave at any second, they were always on the verge of losing me.
That night became really crazy eventually. I kept up this behaviour. When I did I realised that girls like me for me. Not for my state, momentum, stories, jokes, routines, push pulls, compliance building skills, sexual frame control etc.

Ja, det är precis detta Mark Manson menar med: "be vulnerable", men väldigt få verkar förstå vad han faktiskt menar. Det handlar om att vara helt öppen med hur man känner sig. Problemet när man blir medveten om detta är att man kan börja försöka använda det som en teknik - "om jag är vulnerable så går det bättre med tjejer!" - vilket ironiskt nog förstör hela grejen, man börjar göra det för att få ut nåt från situationen igen, vilket gör att det slutar fungera.

In the coming 3-4 weeks I went completely insane. I had a hard time sleeping. My identity was changing. I started to realise that I was at the top of the social hierarchy. It was insane to realise. Everything changed. And I was now the one who GIVE validation, not seeking it. It comes from within me. My main wing at the time (BIG DADDY) saw this change happen and couldn't believe it. I had been struggling for the longest time and then I just flipped a fucking switch.

Ja, man tänker tillbaka på alla tekniker man använt, allt detta behov av att "dhva" etc och inser att det inte ens behövs, allt som behövdes var att "vara sig själv".

I also think that having a model to follow makes you relaxed and comfortable. You take rejection less personally. And you usually get success faster. I believe that's the best way to start. Because many techniques are very very real. They WORK.

Att lära sig tekniker, system att följa, "formler" och experimentera med diverse koncept är en av grundstenarna som gör pick up så ofantligt roligt och det är utan tvekan det bästa sättet för en nybörjare. Inte bara för att få snabba resultat men för att det blir som en "skill" att lära sig, vilket i sig är väldigt motiverande.

När man hör: "var bara dig själv!" som ny, så förstår man det dels inte, men även OM man skulle förstå innebörden så skulle det fortfarande inte motivera lika mycket som: "här, lär dig detta system".

Get success like that, but learn to fucking relaaaax too. And also stop saying shit to get validation. Use a punish/reward behaviour to create compliance and investment. But do it because it's FUN, not because it's attractive or because some dude on the internet told you to do it. Learn about frame control too, but because it's FUN. Same thing with pulling.
But for the love of god - STOP CREATING ATTRACTION, BUILDING MOMENTUM, GETTING INTO STATE, CREATING DRAMA ETC BECAUSE YOU THINK THE GIRL WILL LIKE YOU FOR IT. It doesn't matter what you do if you seek her validation.

Ett praktiskt sätt är att "fall in love with the process", dvs bli så enormt besatt i systemet i sig att ens hela fokus är på det, vilket i sin tur gör att all form av bekräftelsebehov från tjejen försvinner då det enda man bryr sig om är processen i sig, man framstår som "unreactive" vilket gör en mycket mer attraktiv.

[ridiculousbeast]

Det här är riktigt bra grejer. Jag rekommenderar att alla läser, läser det igen och förstår det. Det är i stort sett all "inner game" man behöver, med allt flum som kan göra en förvirrad bortslipat.

Thanks man

---

Älskar verkligen skiten. Känns som att detta kommer i exakt rätt läge för mig personligen. Har famlat efter något det sista och detta känns så jävla spot on.

Frågan är bara hur fan man applicerar "konceptet". Jag förstår vad jag läser men samtidigt förstår jag inte fullt ut. Då hade jag ju i så fall redan haft "identiteten" på plats?

Learn outer game.
Having a structure to follow and skills to build will have several benefits.
First: You will feel more comfortable which will make sets open up more and that positiv social feeback will make you more confident.
Second: You focus on the skills, not the girls. You become invested in "pickup" and not in the specific girl. You have purpose greater than her.
Third: You will slowly get more and more success and eventually you can get rid of all "techniques" and just do what I described here.

---

Bra text även om det absolut är en smula motsägelsefullt.

Yeah I guess it is. We are trying to hijack evolution by going from the bottom to the top of the social hierarchy. This was pretty much impossible back in the day. So it'll be a little confusing for your brain.

---

Ja, det är precis detta Mark Manson menar med: "be vulnerable", men väldigt få verkar förstå vad han faktiskt menar. Det handlar om att vara helt öppen med hur man känner sig. Problemet när man blir medveten om detta är att man kan börja försöka använda det som en teknik - "om jag är vulnerable så går det bättre med tjejer!" - vilket ironiskt nog förstör hela grejen, man börjar göra det för att få ut nåt från situationen igen, vilket gör att det slutar fungera.





Ja, man tänker tillbaka på alla tekniker man använt, allt detta behov av att "dhva" etc och inser att det inte ens behövs, allt som behövdes var att "vara sig själv".



Att lära sig tekniker, system att följa, "formler" och experimentera med diverse koncept är en av grundstenarna som gör pick up så ofantligt roligt och det är utan tvekan det bästa sättet för en nybörjare. Inte bara för att få snabba resultat men för att det blir som en "skill" att lära sig, vilket i sig är väldigt motiverande.

När man hör: "var bara dig själv!" som ny, så förstår man det dels inte, men även OM man skulle förstå innebörden så skulle det fortfarande inte motivera lika mycket som: "här, lär dig detta system".


Ett praktiskt sätt är att "fall in love with the process", dvs bli så enormt besatt i systemet i sig att ens hela fokus är på det, vilket i sin tur gör att all form av bekräftelsebehov från tjejen försvinner då det enda man bryr sig om är processen i sig, man framstår som "unreactive" vilket gör en mycket mer attraktiv.

Fully agree on all points. Good shit

[Sylvester]

Riktigt, riktigt bra. Känner att det är nästa steg jag personligen måste ta om jag vill utvecklas mer. Vara 100% ärlig och trygg i sig själv, vad för skit som än händer så rinner det bara av en. Grymt kul och häftigt att du har utvecklats såhär mycket

[ridiculousbeast]

Riktigt, riktigt bra. Känner att det är nästa steg jag personligen måste ta om jag vill utvecklas mer. Vara 100% ärlig och trygg i sig själv, vad för skit som än händer så rinner det bara av en. Grymt kul och häftigt att du har utvecklats såhär mycket

Thanks dude

[Fiskarn]

Grym post, riktigt grym!

Tycker detta går ihop med "Be the price". Om du själv ser dig som en gåva eller "killen i toppen av den sociala hierarkin då inser du att du inte behöver imponera på tjejerna/kompisarna etc. Ditt beteende kommer att justeras mer till det som beskrivs posten (även om det såklart tar tid att faktiskt applya detta fullt ut, särskilt när tian står där eller när någon kändis plötsligt dyker upp. Jag själv har mycket lära och inse). Jag tror; genom att leva ditt liv fullt ut, spendera din tid väl, ha fantastiskt kul, testa nya aktiviteter, resa och upptäcka, utmana dig själv på samtliga nivåer, mer pick up så att du expanderar comfortzone...... då kommer allt mer falla på plats vad gäller att inte söka validation för den finns redan i ditt liv och du har ingen anledning att behöva bekräfta ditt ego från andra. Ditt värde projiceras automatiskt när de pratar med dig.

My cents.