Alexander~ Who are you

[Benson!]

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http://alexattitude.com/who-are-you/


Who Are You, Self-Esteem versus Ego, Nature and Nurture, and the Strength of your Reality.


What the fuck does it say on your ID?

Who you are is a combination of ‘what you are’ and ‘what you do.’
This entire blog is geared towards developing natural game and natural attraction. So, in order to find out who you are, it is important to find out who you naturally are; then, you can be naturally attractive.
Let’s think of how a woman naturally is, back in the caveman days: skinny and naked.
Men are instantly and naturally attracted to this woman, because it is her aesthetic, physical traits that inspires attraction within them. Whereas, on the other side of the coin, a man who is a natural, fully ‘manned up’ and not being a pussy, will behave in masculine ways that will ultimate attract women. To behave 100% in congruence with the man you are is to be attractive, and, consequently, to behave incongruently with your natural masculinity is to be unattractive.
That’s life.
When you are in line with your natural masculine self, you will be attractive to women just because you are there, in much the same way that a woman will be naturally attractive just because she is there. (Remembering that you both need to be attractive and the facilitator of escalation in order to ultimately get the girl.)
Guys who are unnatural, and not behaving in congruence with who they are, do so because of social conditioning. To overcome this requires self-actualisation, and that is the purpose of this article.
But, firstly, you must know that to try and “learn” how to be a natural is to deny that you are already one in the first place.
Every guy has a natural man buried inside of him. To unearth this, though, is a deductive and simplification process, as opposed to a progression or an accumulation of skills. When you are thinking about coming into alignment with ‘who you are,’ naturally, remember that it is always a matter of stripping elements away from your personality, instead of looking for something new or looking for the “missing piece.”
To be un-naturally ‘who you are’ is not who you are at all, but rather some form of physically, surgically or psychologically altered version of yourself.
It is the false self.
When I refer to ‘who you are,’ I refer to the accumulation of ‘what you are,’ your personality, your identity, your character, your traits, your sense of self, your ego, your reality, your image and your persona. On closer inspection all these tags are different names of the same thing, though some are more accurate than others.

In short, who you are is comprised on two levels. One is the solid physical foundation of ‘what you are,’ and the other is merely an expression of that foundation, manifested by ‘what you do.’
This model accounts for who you are.

I have researched this model in field with hundreds of men; in myself, my students, in guys like Tim, Tyler, Jeffy, Papa, Derrick, Abercrombie, Pimpski, Nathan, Ozzie, Ryan and Saad, and in other natural guys I grew up with, who are also very good with women.
Why is it important to know who you are?
Because, if you don’t, you will never behave in the ways that are natural and congruent, and hence, you will not be naturally and truly attractive.
When I talk about behaviour, I mean the actions that you take; some are conscious, whilst others are not. A lot of the time when guys are learning how to pick up, there is incongruence with what they are thinking and what they are actually doing. For example, a lot of my students approach girls and get a conversation started because the girls instantly sense that he is cool at his core (his natural self), and because he took the action of approaching her. But, as the set goes on, sometimes the students regress into socially conditioned behaviours that are a force of habit, and are ultimately incongruent with their natural selves.
These bad habits come from social conditioning.
If you are unstifled, an alpha guy, a natural or have contextual confidence, your behaviours will be coming from the right place, and there would be no reason for you to compromise your natural intentions. But, if you are stifled and socially conditioned, like the vast majority of the world, your behaviours will come through a false-self filter, causing your behaviours to seem forced, defensive, or cautionary.
This is to behave unnaturally and is unattractive.
If your behaviours are unnatural, you will be incongruent with your desires as a man, and you will constantly question who you are. If a girl is more assured of who she is, than you are assured of who you are, you will react to her, be of lower value, and will not be inspirer of emotions.
You will not lead the girl; rather, she will lead you.
This is bad natural game.

However, if you do know who you are, inside and out, you will never flinch and react to the girl, you will never lose state and will always have core confidence. If you are a good source of state for the girl, you will have her seeking value, and reacting to you. You will be considered higher value than the girls, because you know who you are more than they know who they are, and will be naturally attractive to every girl that you meet. Often times, they will feel attraction for you before you even approach.
Like I said, and it’s important that I repeat this, most guys do give off an initally attractive vibe, because they are, in actuality, COOL GUYS! But, when they get into set they pretend to be something different that what they naturally are, causing them to fuck things up for themselves. This occurs because they are under the misguided illusion that socially conditioned bad habits are what they are supposed to do.
But, first of all, how did I figure out, verify and find evidence to support your understanding of who you naturally are? Or, more accurately, WHAT you naturally are?
So far, I can think of six ways to figure out what a man naturally is.
To find a natural guy, you need to find situations where men are not stifled by social conditioning, which suppresses their natural traits, and makes beta males out of cool guys.
In situations where social conditioning doesn’t exist, the suppression of the alpha traits ceases and they naturally, without thought, express themselves through the vehicle that is your behaviour.
Your behavioural traits make you attractive or unattractive to those around you.
Identify the which behaviours are natural, and understand that deliberately implementing them and living in congruence with them, is the key to knowing what you are, who you are and, ultimately, being very attractive. Knowing what you are and who you are is the first step to conquering natural game.
The verifications of your natural self are :
1. The way a man is when he interacts with women of another language. All social conditioning goes out the window because the binding rules of social conditioning no longer exist without the medium of language in which it can be communicated. In these cross cultural scenarios, people communicate to each other naturally, and attraction and game becomes easier because you’re not caught up in socially conditioned standards or limitations.
2. The way a guy behaves when he is in “nimbus” state. Nimbus is a term that, whilst not being scientific, is widely accepted as the definition of someone with so much state that he doesn’t have the time to think, and is running on pure emotions; in other words, he is devastatingly present. Without being in a logical, cognitive headspace, he is
unstifled, and his natural, attractive behaviours rise up out of him. When in the grip of nimbus, he automatically behaves in ways that are naturally attractive to women
3. Behavioural commonalities between alpha males from different cultures all around the world. Social conditioning does exist in extremely varying forms in cultures all around the world, butt, the alpha-beta dichotomy is the same. In any culture, the alpha males attract all the girls, while they suppress the alpha traits of all the other males, rendering them beta. While traveling in Australia, Hawaii, South East Asia, China, North America, Canada, Scandinavia, Great Brittan and Western Europe, I have seen that all alpha males have similar behavioural traits that are attractive to women. This is true, as well, for each subculture and different social circles in all of the above listed contexts. All alpha males across the globe have distinct commonalities in the way that they behave. These behaviours are congruent with masculinity and naturally attract women.
4. The way someone behaves before they are socially conditioned, that is, when they are extremely primitive or when they were very young. The behaviours that young children exhibit, before they become conscious enough to be socially conditioned, are all the behaviours that are naturally attractive to women. It is not until they get older that they begin to be disciplined into the frame of social conditioning that suppresses their attractive natural alpha behaviours. The fact that all young boys have the behavioural traits that are attractive to girls is evidence enough that anyone can be attractive to women and get very god at pick up. The behavioural traits are inside you, they are just suppressed.
5. The way a guy behaves when he is ‘buzzed drunk,’ or ‘tipsy.’ You have had just enough alcohol to chemically unstifled your social inhibitions, and nullify the limiting beliefs that usually restrain you from acting on your natural instincts. Alcohol is in inhibitionary drug that slows your cognitive mind, allowing your emotional mind to again dictate your behaviours. These behaviours are instinctive and natural. Alcohol has been a major social lubricant for millions of years, because it inspires attractive behaviours, and, as such, is the common variable in almost every pick up in this day and age.
6. What behaviours do all the Real Social Dynamics instructors have in common although they are phenomenally different people? If you can answer this question you quite simply solve the (natural) game. Tim is a carefree early-twenties Australian DJ, Tyler is a late-twenties philosophical research genius nerd (the term is used affectionately in this context and to highlight contrasts), Jeffy is an early thirties writer, who is a gang-bangin’, booze swillin’, bad ass mother fucker and Ozzie is a late thirties Hispanic man of passion, style, energy and minimalism. They are all extremely different people, but they have some common traits and behaviours that inspire devastating attraction in women.

Basically, all the things listed above point to the traits that define you naturally as a man. The only reason why you wouldn’t behave like the man you naturally are is if you are socially conditioned. When you are socially conditioned, your natural behaviours as a man are suppressed, and the behaviours you do express through the filter of chode ego are not attractive.

What are the common behavioural traits all men exhibit in their natural state?
By nature, as a man, you are:
1. Present
2. Positive-dominant
3. A man of action.
To live in alignment with these traits is to be your natural self, and to man up; not to live in alignment with your natural self is to suppress your natural self and have a chode ego.
There are other traits like eating, sleeping, and breathing, but the traits listed are the behavioural traits specific to alpha guys in their natural state, and specifically pertain to men.
Why are these three core traits attractive?
Being present and having presence.
When you have presence, everything you “do” just flows and works. It’s called being outside your head. When you are not present, you are inside your head and everything is forced, calculated and socially clumsy. To be present is to have self trust and act ‘smooth.’
This is attractive.
This is the same as being in state, being ‘on,’ or in the zone. The only reason why you wouldn’t be in state is if you were dedicating your faculties (your cognitive RAM) to things other than in the here and now. Basically, you are firing on less than all cylinders.
Presence, most importantly, is about being in a headspace where you don’t second guess yourself and don’t calculate your actions. You behave without hesitation and with conviction. It’s the way you behave as a man that determines whether girls will or will not be attracted to you.
Social conditioning is always stifling your ability to be present. But, once you get into the right headspace, and are ‘in state,’ you act fearlessly, because the fear itself doesn’t have the time to register or taint and compromise your natural behaviour.
When you are present you are completely outside you head and you are not dedicating your headspace to supporting a chode ego of any sort. Because your actions are not being filtered through your chode ego, you behave with 100% authenticity, and in alignment with who you are, naturally, as a man.
The result is that you seen as naturally attractive.
You will tap into your blueprint and know exactly what to do. Like the shaking of a magic eight ball, the right thing to say or do will rise up and present itself to your consciousness, when and only when you need it.

That’s why when you go in set and you are totally present, or ‘on,’ you will be naturally inclined to move things forward, which helps the pickup. Also, when you are in a natural headspace, you will be inclined to instinctively call out people who say silly things and tease them playfully. When you are in a natural headspace the exposure of the girl to a full range of emotions will take care of itself.
When you are present, you don’t go out of your way to impress the girl, and you will simultaneously be carefree about making bad impressions on people around you. Expression is more important than impression. As soon as she realises that you don’t care if you make mistakes (in contrast to classical pick up theory) she will see that you are fully unstifled. She will know that you have no ego, and are intrinsically of high value because you hold yourself in higher opinion than anyone else. Girls will be attracted to you and other, more stifled guys, will look up to you and buy you drinks.
When present, everything is simplified. As Tim said in Transformations, the only thoughts that will enter your headspace are ‘girl – hot girl – get hot girl’. Natural game is a minimalist discipline. This simplicity of natural game, and the carefree mindsets that drive it, make it a fun way to go about things. You feel good, and if you follow the golden rule of natural game, the girl will feel good.
(By the way, did you ever hear or experience the saying: “time flies when you’re having fun?” Actually, it’s the other way around, you have fun when times flies. You have fun because you are so in the moment that you forget about the abstract notion of time, and in your default, unstifled and outside your-head-state, you feel great. They old saying is true, but the causality is actually inverted.)
When you are present, you will be fully dialed into your empathy, and you will be aware of how people are reacting to you, and very importantly, respond smoothly instead of reacting and losing value.
Remember, you are responsive, not reactive.
While acting freely and unstifled, you will have the presence of mind to change up what you are doing to remain in a unreactive and leading frame, where you are the one who dictates the energies and rhythms of the interaction.
It’s possible that you might act in unstifled ways that offend, annoy or bore others. But, people’s opinions of everything are subjective and they could interpret what you do in any way. If, for any reason, what you do comes off as socially miscalibrated, but still authentic, it will generate a congruence test. This gives you an opportunity to show the girl that you are high value because you are unapologetic (you don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks), unreactive and congruent with yourself as a man.
Know that there is no such thing a perfect pick up, as it wouldn’t gel with the girls reality, because people aren’t perfect. You would be more entertaining than you would be high value. Imperfection is authentic. You, acting through your own natural intentions and dealing with whatever repercussions that come up, is authentic. Plus, the notion of perfection is subjective. So, you doing things your own way and dealing with objections to it or miscalibration, confirms the strength of your reality to the girls you are interacting with. Being imperfect and responding in real time, while present, confirms your value as a function of your internal centeredness and makes you attractive.
When present, you are fully tuned into the social matrix, and your responsivity, not reactivity, will give you a social intuition that few others have. This natural view of the social matrix gives you an unclouded view, that people who, harboured by ego, are restricted by. This social intuition will help you to make educated decisions and read situations and people in a way that, egotistically, others would be completely blind to.
All instructors have this social intuition through experience, and it serves to help read situations, and operate with a lot more maneuverability than most other people.
Presence is the key to confidence. We know that it is a man acts with confidence that is attractive to women. For the most part, people achieve confidence through money, status, power, looks and other externally derived feedback. Problem is, though, that if you don’t have these things then you will not have confidence. Even then, if you had money, status, power etc, and then they were taken from you, your confidence would also disappear,
Presence, and living in the moment, gives you confidence because you forget limiting beliefs and socially conditioned indicators of status. You have a clear and pure headspace that puts nothing between you and what you perceive you deserve.
The truth is, confidence is not learnt, earned or achieved.
Confidence is default.
“CONFIDENCE HAPPENS WHEN YOU PERCIEVE THAT NOTHING HOLDS YOU BACK”
Become present, access your confidence.
Behave with no doubt: get girls.
Ask yourself: ‘what stands between me and getting what I want?’
When you pose the question like that, its only bullshit you that you impose on yourself that hold you back from achieving success.