Ozzie@RSD Samlade artiklar

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | February 2nd, 2010 at 8:45 PM
Can There Be Infinite Growth in Our Game?
Not in the physical world because resources are finite. Skills, just like oil, are finite.

They had to put a cap on the salary of the banker fat cats because they were destroying the financial system. Their greed is infinite but resources are finite.

However, growth can go on forever in the inner world. Knowing what to do, on the outside, is comparably finite-most guys operate with a handful of tactics. As you grow in the game those few tactics might change as dictated by many factors. However, those outer game moves are forced to be few because you can’t get good at 100 things. For some, it is just physical game and isolation. I used to be like that for a long time.

Goran is like that too. Zero or no emphasis on verbal communication.

He gets slapped in the face and grabs the girl’s hand and spins her around and goes for make out; or picks up a chick from the floor in the middle of the street and runs away with her in his arms, girl screaming- I shake my head in disapproval because I just lost my camera man for the night to a chick. There goes the neighbourhood.

For other guys, they rely more on verbal skills-cockiness, vibe, push/pull, etc. Point being those skills are just a fraction of what needs to happen internally.

The Internals

Just like electricity, they are there but we don’t see them. They are not so obvious to the naked eye. It is the inner core of beliefs, assumptions and emotions going through the player’s head. It is fascinating to me that some pitchers at major league level can make a career based on a fast ball....and a dubious slider. They make millions based on an otherwise considered “poor” set of skills. Cuban Defector baseball player Aroldis Chapman will sign a multimillion contract this winter based on the fact he can throw a 103 mph fast ball. No other pitch of much value in his arsenal....a dubious slider, may be. That’s all he needs to get the big bucks. Just one outer thing.

So is the case of many pick up players. They got a couple of moves down and they thrive. They get laid. They figure out the rest of the game through those key moves. I have made a student approach an entire night with the claw as his only weapon to the point he got a bruise in his forearm at the end of the night. That was some extreme shit. He learned more from that key move than if I had taught him a variety of physical game moves.

Spending Time on the Unnecessary

Salsa dancers spend lots of time in class when it is not needed anymore. After you learn a couple of moves and you can do the basics it is time to develop your personal style. No need to take more classes may be, sparingly. I know girls in my former class who can’t still dance after 3 years. It is a pain to dance with them. Why? Too much time in class, little dance floor time. As you grow, more time should be spent practicing and less on class-read theory for pick up. Most dancing knowledge will figure itself out.

Guys in the game tend to have it backwards. It is a redundancy for me to find that 90 percent of bc students fall in this category prior to program. I always hear “I have spent 2 years reading this thing, but I have done zero or almost no approaching”. Then after a night of approaching on program, they say, “I never thought it was so simple”. It is simple but not easy. The moves are simple if you know what you are doing.

It is what you don’t see that is more important.

List of things in the world you don’t see but are essential.
. Electricity
. Heart pumping
. Heat
. Air

Just to name a few.

Internals for the game are like oxygen. You can’t survive long without it. At some point you will crack. Foundations are not in place. 90-10 rule at work: 10 percent of communication is the actual words, the rest like tonality, body language, etc., are more important. They all come from inside, how comfortable you are, how happy you feel. A comfortable dude will be naturally loud since he can’t see potential threats in the environment. He is not afraid to draw attention onto himself.

4 or 5 years ago as teachers we assumed students had a solid inner system down so we focused more on the outer side of the game. That was a bad assumption-how can you be loud without being truly confident. We rectified a long time ago. Results soared when we switch focus to the necessary, not the urgent.

Why is it so neglected?

Well, you don’t see it. It is not tangible so it calls no attention on to it. Fear cannot be seen. You cannot even tell from the look of a guy’s face if he is afraid. It is hard to say. The naked eye deceives you. Need to trust instinct.

“You don’t need to know when you got instinct”, Reservoir Dogs. You can say that again.

We are not used to listen to that little voice in our heads otherwise called “instinct”. It is our wiser self speaking to us. That’s a skill you need to develop. A very important one.

Involutions

In the pre historic times of pick up, teaching was reduced to pure NLP and incantations to a bunch of guys in a closed room.

This being so gay we swung the pendulum all the way to outer game-tactics, lines, routines, etc. Welcome to the world of the trickster. A charlatan armoured with props and pick up arsenal of lines and “tool box”.

Just 2 or 3 years ago the pendulum swung again, this time back to the centre. This is where we are at right now. Where do we go from here?

Refrigerator?

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | March 4th, 2010 at 12:26 AM
Hey, I Am a Good Guy
(Fair warning: probably my corniest article to date. Meaning I don’t expect you to relate much to what I say here. But hey, it is free. Enjoy!)

It all started small. People would compliment me and I would feel awkward and tense. At first I didn’t pay much attention. Then it grew up and it became almost a default reaction to compliments. It was simple. I couldn’t take compliments. I was perpetually discontent with who I was. Actually compliments brought up the worst in me. “Am I worth it? Is that really me? I know I suck sometimes”, so went my selftalk.

If it was my girlfriend who gave me the compliment, it was not valid because I was banging her. If it was a student it was not serious because the student was on a BC high and just super excited. If it was my company, they are just doing their jobs, it cannot be real.

Bottom Line

I didn’t like myself no matter what I did. Discontent was permanent. It all came down to lower self esteem- I needed to do something, achieve something, win something, be the best at whatever. Horse crap. And the joy of achievement is short lived. It is so fleeting it barely lasts longer than 20 minutes. I might as well get high on alcohol. It is the same shit. I got tired of chasing futile dreams that won’t bring long lasting joy.

Fear Of Non Achievement And Paralysis

Well without achievement what am I? A big nothing. Undependable, untrustworthy, a big none. How can I reconcile my need for achievement with the need to truly feel lasting joy?

The Myth Of Permanence

Actually deep down I believed that positive things could be permanent. It was a big head fuck. I thought that I could be good all the time, do right all the time, feel good all the time, etc...And that in itself is misery.

Nothing is permanent. It is against nature. With achievement I was just trying to perpetuate good feelings. But it is the nature of feelings to not stay with you, no matter what. You can not feel truly miserable more than 20 minutes. Try and time yourself. Same applies to jolly feelings.

I was not after real achievement. I was after good feelings. I was after a mirage.

Hey, I Am A Good Guy

It all came down to admitting I am a good person and that I have something to offer to the world. Something unique. My contribution. However small it was mine. Good guys do that. I need to admit that even though I might screw up big here and there I am still good. Nothing is wasted. Even one hour in the tube, where the train stops for no reason, it is a good hour. I don’t have to do anything in particular.

Pick Up And Permanence

Most guys want to extend their good performance to all their actions in the field. This in turn sabotages them. Why? Their state is defined by whether they succeed or fail in the approach. Their state goes up and down because good/bad performances in a club scenario largely depend on a variety of factors not under your control.

Try To Fuck Up

Pay attention to where Kasparov says that in every successful game there were a number of mistakes.

I send the students all the time into “failed missions”-chances of succeeding are none. I want them to get resilient at making mistakes. It turns guys on to feel they can fail and nothing happens. They always come back to me and say “It went well”. What? It means they are ok with making mistakes. Their state is not affected by failure no more. Performance doesn’t define who they are. They go on to achieve things for real without the strain of “having to be perfect every time”

What Is Your Contribution To The World However Small?

What is that you offer that it is unique to you and you give to the world without effort. No matter how small you can bring something which is usually under your awareness level. “Hey, I can touch my nose with my tongue”. Open like that. “This morning I made a fantastic bowl of oatmeal, then I put some raisins in it and I made the perfect breakfast”. Open like that.

Don’t care about the consequences. Let the chips fall where they may.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | March 19th, 2010 at 10:00 PM
Approach the Hotties, Man!
I keep saying that to Goran and Paully (as if those guys need to hear this from me; they don’t. They are a public menace, social terrorists disguised as regular guys) as we walk into a super-crowded venue on a Saturday program and I dive into my first set of the night.

If you are going to lose, lose big -- I do the toughest set around, regardless of the outcome. Walk into the middle of the fear, stay there, and bring it to submission. Last weekend, I approached a 4 set, hottie blonde to my right, fat girl, ugly and a group leader. The pack leader was a tall brunette with quite some mouth on her. She started fucking with me right off the bat. “Do you have an obnoxious question to ask us?” I ignored question and retorted “you look Spanish. I want to take you home with me”. She loved it because after all group leaders want is attention. I proceeded to ignore her and game the blonde to my right who started engaging me enthusiastically right after I neutralized group leader. These things happen within seconds of starting the interaction. If you don’t flinch, you can get many sets going that way.

I have made a habit of befriending group leaders and I try to pass that on to my students. However, I understand you need quite a bit of a cold head to identify them because they are not apparent. It is easy if they jump at your throat right away. You know you got your leader. So the rest is easy. You must pay attention.
But if you are transfixed with fear, you are not in the moment and you don’t see the silver lining in those aggressive girls. Those group leaders become key when we extract later on. They hold all the keys to your girl’s pussy.

All You Can Do Is Win.

I think winning is an aspect of the game that takes time to set in. You are a winner. Not for the society-induced way of richness and fame, but because you have carved up an abundance mentality around women. A mindset that reads “I can’t lose” is the best mindset to have...

Walking Away Too Early

When it is uncomfortable, you walk. You leave groups that could potentially yield lays for you but your outcome dependence makes you walk away -- time to go back and watch that Blueprint DVD again. I have come across guys who can recite entire sections of the Blueprint but can’t grasp this basic idea of freedom from outcome.

But when you realize there is nothing to lose, you become naturally excited. There is no need for “state” or “state related” mumbo jumbo, nothing but just another excuse, all bullshit to substitute your need for assurance when confronted with feared scenarios.

Welcome the uncomfortable as part of the deal. The deal that will make you “rich” or abundant. If this game was comfortable, everybody would be getting laid with no effort. So by putting yourself in uncomfortable situations, you are doing the right thing, not the “ideal” thing.

The Ideal Thing

The fallacy of the perfect set: you walk in, girls dig your opener, you get them asking you how come you look so hot in those clothes, group leader introduces you to the hottest chick who is, by the way, single and horny for you. They conveniently leave you two alone (isolation), your girl proposes to change venue “just with her”...etc.

Get the picture.

It is not going to happen. Wake up.

“Welcome to the desert of the real”. Morpheus, the matrix.

It is all we got. It is up to you to make the best of it.

Keep Looking for El Dorado

Let’s go to handy Wikipedia for a definition, shall we?

“Utopia is a name for an ideal community or society, that is taken from Of the Best State of a Republic, and of the New Island Utopia, a book written in 1516 by Sir Thomas More describing a fictional island in the Atlantic Ocean, possessing a seemingly perfect socio-politico-legal system. The term has been used to describe both intentional communities that attempted to create an ideal society, and fictional societies portrayed in literature”

I know that even though I am writing all this, in the back of my head I keep looking for an ideal world for me -- only human. One where my needs will be met without too much trouble. I keep searching the universe looking for answers that are hard to come by.

However, I realize there is only one ideal world in the inner world. Outside, it is too messy. It was never intended to be perfect. Life is rarely in accordance with our plans. People call this the 4th dimension. The inside dimension, where all things start and end.

This pick up thing started inside of you, like a little seed, otherwise called an idea. “Could I do that?” “Could I get laid like my “natural” friend?” etc. then you got into internet pick up forums and the rest is history. It started inside. Perfectly imperfect. Nothing sexy about it.

Looking for ideal situations, perfect opportunities and scenarios is futile. It keeps you from taking action. The only rule is “dive in, do the best you can”. That seems to be ideal for me.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | July 23rd, 2010 at 10:07 PM
Profile of the Risk Taker
Profile of the Risk Taker

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In This Article
- Definition of a risk taker
- The value of not assuming anything
- How to identify whether you are growing or shrinking in the game
- Psychological safety devices that keep us down
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(This article refers to parts of my new book “The Physical Game” coming out September 1st, 2010)

Profile of the risk taker
1. Do first, ask later.
2. Doesn’t make assumptions
3. Finds out for himself
4. Sees failure as part of the process
5. Try again
6. Never deviates from goals
7. Commits to goals and disregards whether he performs well or not.

The risk taker always walks up to the toughest set around, opens and disregards the outcome. He understands unless he challenges himself he can’t truly get anywhere in the game. Getting somewhere doesn’t mean performing perfectly. A risk taker is after growth. He understands that growth is an uneven process. It is not linear. You grow in spurts. You can spend a long time going after something and nothing happens for a while. You must understand that this is part of growth. You just hit a plateau. Rewards are around the corner if you keep at it.

Never take anything for granted
Pointers when you approach

- Neutrality. Never think it is going to be neither too easy nor too difficult. Understand the self-evident truth that social situations are neutral -- our mind taints them with fear. But you are safe. Nothing bad will happen from a girl dissing or rejecting you. If anything, you will grow.
- Positivity baseline. Never think the guy with her is the boyfriend, the friends will be mean or unfriendly to you. Don’t assume anything. Have a baseline of positivity that things will work out for you no matter what. No need to be Tony Robbins on steroids. Gregarious encounters are neutral so there is nothing to be afraid of. Chill out and enjoy the ride.

Are you growing or are you shrinking right now?

We are in a constant state of flow; nothing in you remains the same. At a specific moment in time, either you are growing or shrinking. One little measuring device is to ask yourself, “Right now, am I growing or shrinking?” and be honest when you answer that.

If you are not growing, it is likely you are not challenging yourself in the field. Then you are shrinking; remember you are never static.

COACH INSIGHT
It is impossible to grow without risk-taking. Risk-taking implies daring yourself to do things you are too scared to do: opening the hottest/toughest set around, going hardcore physical, going for the kiss close etc. You can make a list of “dares” in a club and go after them relentlessly. Once you have gone through your entire list, you will feel powerful. You grew.
Make this your M.O. in the game. Destroy all your personal myths around it. You know the type, “I can’t do this or that”, “It is hard to do this or that” etc. All those limiting beliefs need to be shattered through risk-taking.

Risk taker and rewards
Remember:
Only rewards will come to the risk takers. “Safe players” don’t get rewards. They get punished in the field. A woman doesn’t reward cowardly behavior.

A big payoff comes attached to a lot of risk-taking. Unlike finances, you don’t get paid for being cautious in the field. If at all, a player testing the waters only succeeds at eliciting suspicion in females. Girls ask themselves “Why is he here?”, “What does he want from us?” Like it or not, you will be rejected on principle.

Lose your respect for failure by failing. Failing is never as bad as you thought. It might actually arouse you to have a hot girl telling you off in the middle of the club. I know it arouses me. The way I see it: “I already hit bottom: the hottest girl shoved me off, so it is all up from here.” But that’s just me. I am twisted like that. However, I get big payoffs from this attitude. I am rarely negative in the field. I don’t take rejection personally. I sometimes turn those rejections around by throwing positivity back at them etc. I get a kick out of being challenged. Most people don't.

Psychological safety devices

Perhaps most of your hesitance in this game is a psychological safety device you have been holding on for too long or too strongly. It keeps you from exploring your dreams and passions. Ask yourself “If fear of failure was not a problem, what would I go after in the field?”.

In my weekend live program in field, I tell students that I refuse to do a paint job good for a weekend only. I want them to dig deeper in the course of the weekend within themselves and find what’s holding them back and challenge it. At first they don’t like this because most students look for a magic pill to solve all their problems. As the training commences they start to like the idea of thorough cleansing of their mental cobwebs. They embrace the idea that lasting change must be earned, not given. Freedom will not be given to you; it must be taken. You must go through the process.

Steps to success
- Are you growing or are you shrinking in the field?
- If fear of failure was not an issue, what groups or girls would you go after?
- Are you taking risks in the field or only doing things that feel safe? If you feel safe does it mean you are growing?

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | July 28th, 2010 at 10:49 AM
The Next Guy
The Next Guy

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In this Article
- Peer pressure and its consequences
- Withstanding the urge to be “cool”
- Peer pressure and performance in Pick up
- Embracing past experiences and moving onto the future
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I have spent the last two years writing “The Physical Game Book” (Coming out September 1rst this year, watch out!), I have had time sometimes to pause and reflect about my life before/after learning “game”. You probably have done the same. So at times it blows my mind how my perspectives about my past have changed.

High school

I was looking at my high school pics and trying to remember who is who. Most of the gang disbanded and they are scattered in different countries around the world, some have children, etc...

I cannot help but think of the tremendous influence those high school friends had on me growing up. From the clothe I wore to the attitude towards women, they moulded my opinion and the way I behaved in social situations. They defined what was cool and what was not. My parents had little or no hold over me anymore. It was the peer group who superimposed their personalities, likes, dislikes, etc... It was a dictatorship. A dictatorship upon my behaviour and overall attitude. I had to conform or else...I would lose major cool points with the “in” crowd- approval is the word. Looking back it is sad but no less true.

My high school friends were a bunch of heavy metal wannabe's and posers. They had the hair, the attitude but nothing to back it up. They were a bunch of losers. Today they hold menial jobs-married early, had kids, no studies -- and have gotten nowhere in life except for 1 or 2 exceptions. It is funny that those exceptions were guys that were not so “cool”. They didn’t care much about the group’s approval.

“It is enough. I am out of here”

I remember going on a road trip with 3 of them, the heart of the gang, trip which by the way I was talked into. Being weak minded and trying to fit in I said yes and went along with it. I was just trying to get their approval.

Of course, on this road trip we didn’t have a car or money. We would just sleep in train stations, beaches, travel at night etc. It was the most retarded stupid idea ever. Looking back I am appalled that I agreed to do that shit.

To make a long story short, I abandoned the trip towards the end. We were 2 days away from going home and I remember all of us going into a pizzeria to eat and I said to them “fuck all of you. It is enough. I am out of here”. Something inside of me shouted to stop. This doesn’t feel right.

Of course, I lost major cool points when I got back to my high school and had to face my “cool/loser” friends. I don’t think my reputation ever recovered. I was considered “not reliable” for quite some time. I lost their approval.

The Problem

It is very simple. This happens usually when you are with your friends out. Unless your friends are tuned into who you are and your desires and are truly supportive, when you see a girl you like and you go “I want her”, there is another voice, peer group’s voice, that goes “you don’t want to be rejected in front of the guys; you will lose major cool points”. Then you don’t approach based on your peer group’s opinion and you lose a major opportunity to meet a girl you like. The dictatorship is back again. Peer pressure reared its ugly head under a different disguise: to look good in front of friends.

Remember:
People think of peer pressure as a teenage thing but it is not. It goes where ever and whenever you go. I remember my novice attempts to pick up girls surrounded by my friends and being blown out and my friends making fun of me. Of course, they would never approach but surely enjoy the show. Then when I got really good and picked up a girl in a bar on a company dinner, my office peers-including girls- started telling me I was too sexual out there and how dare I to pick up a girl on a formal company dinner. You can never win! But girls in the office started to look at me in a different way.

Peer pressure and performance

I have done hours of practice in my salsa moves and as soon as I step on the dance floor I shrink and stay with the “safe stuff”- things I know I can do. Because of that, my salsa dancing stops evolving. The pressure of having onlookers is too strong and you are afraid to fuck up. Better stick to what works. I have to literally force myself and look like an idiot for a while until I am ready to execute my new stuff. If I have a fun partner, like some of the girls in my class, I would probably unwind faster and I will be loose in no time.

COACH INSIGHT
I have heard similar stories from advanced guys in the game when they go out with their “pick up gang”. It paralyses them the prospect of being rejected in front of the “cool, pickup friends”. It hurts their game. Unless your pick up gang is a supportive one you will run into this down the line. People that go out with you should be a rock of positivity and enthusiasm for the game or you are better off alone.

If you started to learn pick up because you wanted to stop being a loser-show everybody you can have a hot girl- you will run into a lot of trouble when you execute. You will not be able to stand being a loser-losing girls- in front of others. Because you came into the game to prove a point....to others. This is actually the root cause for most of your problems with rejection. Are you doing this for you or for the others?

Remember:

Most people are not truly supportive. Pick and choose the people you go out with on the basis of positivity, unconditional support and coolness. In my Instructor Crew (Goran “The Gore”, Paul, Matt) negativity has no place. There is unconditional support for everybody even though sometimes we make ridiculous bets on who is pulling that night or not; we always keep a camaraderie and fun vibe in the air. Your wing must be as excited about you pulling as he doing it himself. If not, drop your wing and get a new one. I remember going out with Tim on a Greece RSD retreat of Glory, and he was just as excited about me pulling than he was about pulling himself even though at times it would mean one of us had to leave the room and sleep on another guy’s room or fuck a girl in the swimming pool surrounded by chodes watching. Or get your ass full of sand because you could only fuck on the beach. Lol. God, I hope he is reading this. Fun times!


Looking Back and Looking Forward

I fully embrace what happened in my teenage years but I can’t help but think of things I would have done differently. No use now of course. However, looking back, it taught me a valuable lesson. I guess the lesson goes along the lines of “not give a fuck to what people think”. It is a lesson that gets relearned every single day of my life.

On the course of the week I have innumerable temptations to do what is appropriate and what others would like to see me do, that includes, girlfriend, friends, business, etc...The pressure is always there for you to act out of people’s intentions and not your own. Today I make it a habit to listen to that inner voice. It is a full time job.

Steps to success
- What would it mean to be yourself and disregard what your peer, colleagues, family think?
- Are your Pick up friends unconditionally supportive? Will they give up winning themselves for you to win? Would you be willing to do the same for them?
- Do you get sidetracked by the temptation to please others like boss, family and friends? Do you thing you gain or you lose?
- Were you attracted to pick up to please your friends or “in” crowd aka impressing others? Do you try to impress Pick up people on line?

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | August 9th, 2010 at 6:07 PM
I Know That I Know
I Know That I Know

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In This Article
- Sources of motivation
- Tapping into unknown resources we have
- Listening to our inner “no bullshit” radar
- Intuition and Pick up
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It is somewhat odd to see some of my students to start to do well after being rejected for 2 solid hours in their first night of BC without anything I can do about it. They start doing well. When I inquire they answer, “I don’t know. Everything started to fall into place. I suddenly just knew what I needed to do.”

Crisis management

Many people say the same thing after a life crisis that shook the bejesus out of their emotional core.

- A freak accident. Like having lost a job, a house, or left stranded on a far off place without help. They suddenly knew exactly what they have to do to get out of the emotional pit hole.
- Starting a business venture. Guys that have been terminated from their jobs and start a successful business after being emotionally destroyed for a while. All of a sudden they start having “new” ideas for business and they rock at it.

The Story

I remember years ago in Greece (RSD retreat) when we were left stranded in an island in Greece due to a tour agent fuck up. We were transported by boat to a “nature” resort in a small island with a “taxi” boat service that only transported people twice a day. It was night and we couldn’t go to shore until next day. It was horrible because there was no electricity, we had to sleep on the floor, etc. But we wanted to party and go to clubs. There was no party in a 5 mile radius. We were so desperate and disappointed we started laughing hysterically.

Enter Papa.

He said, “We are not staying here. This is unacceptable." And got into gear.

Papa started calling various people on the phone like a madman. He had no cell cover so he had to climb a rock and call from there while all of us sat down with our suitcases and laptops resigned to our fate. Papa called everybody possible while we all gave up. He never gave up. He got the water “taxi” to do an extra trip back to shore. Once in shore, he called a taxi from mainland in Ios Island to pick us up and take us back to the mainland. Then we had no room in Ios town. He got a room for us at half price the next day in a shore line hotel in Ios -- thanks to a contact provided by a girl I had banged in Mykonos. Amazing. It was by far the best Holiday I ever had. It had everything: sex, adventure, relaxation, friendship, etc.

The crisis prompted all this.

Tapping Into the Inner Resources

Extrasensory information

I know it sounds like a case of the X-Files but it is not. Most of these ideas come from somewhere inside your deep self but outside your rational mind.

You must train yourself to listen.

1) The inner wisdom. Most guys are not in the habit of listening to their deep self, the so-called inner wisdom that has nothing to do with logic. We are trained over and over to listen to logic by our schooling system. Our intuitive system is not trained by our school; it is actually shut down by it.

2) Take initiative. Repeating information that you hear by a teacher seems to be the norm. It subtly trains you to do what others say instead of listening to your own inner voice. We are trained to discard all kinds of initiative coming from our core.

3) In the field. I want students to start taking initiative on the second night of BC. They must start thinking for themselves in the middle of a crowded venue. So they must turn around and pick and approach the first set that scared them the most at once! Fear is their guide.

Pick up and intuition

It is not unusual for a guy to do the toughest set in a club and get the girl. Why? Because he had to tap into resources that he didn’t know he had. He kind of had to step up to the challenge. Once they listen to that inner intuition, they take more risks in the field. The more risks they take the better results they get.

Other times a girl tests the guy hard all night. She forces him to reach deep inside for that intuition and come up with creative solutions. It is not coincidence he gets the lay.

COACH INSIGHT
I remember one time years ago after running routines and openers for 4 hours (newbie mission) I was exhausted. I wanted to go home. I had only failure all night. Even fatties were dissing me. I got so outcome-oriented that I couldn’t hook a single set. I sat down on the sidewalk, destroyed. Everywhere I saw people having more fun than me. I looked up to a bar and through the glass I saw 2 girls. I said, “one last set”. I went in, blew it open and 2 hours later I was banging the hotter one in her own living room while the other one listened from her room. In retrospect, I should have gone for the threesome.

Tapping into your deeper self

The little voice inside your head that tells you when something feels right or you are just off your internal compass treading on water. You have to train and retrain yourself to listen to that core sense of destiny, intuition, etc. Or whatever you want to call it.

Remember:
Lots of guys fall prey to acting according to pick up community rules or acting as if they have to prove they are good. Of course it all conspires against them in the field. The moments you had great success was when you were inspired by something inside.

Steps to success
- Do you often do things that feel right to you, not just for others?
- Are you listening to your fears in the field while talking to women or do you take initiative?
- Do you talk to her when you should be kissing her?
- Do you avoid talking about relevant information about yourself in favor of “cooler” stuff?

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | August 20th, 2010 at 7:27 AM
Liberator of Men
Liberator of Men

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In This Article
- Definition by the media of Pick up Guys
- Quick fixes in the game
- The myth and reality of the Pick up “job”
- How Pick up can lead you to better things
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Now that I throw myself in the marketing campaign for my book “The Physical Game” (Launch September 1st), I find myself being pigeonholed in the category of “Pick up” guy. I am blasted into the same weird, jargon filled, sex-hungry, needy category as the rest of the pickup guys selling products out there -- the very thing that I have tried to avoid and try to keep my clients away from. But, no victim mentality here. I will tell you my honest ideas on this and why this has happened in an effort to clear some misunderstandings as to what is that we, pick up coaches, do.

Media whoring

So far the image of “Pick up guys” in the media or guys like me who dedicate themselves to this job doesn’t reflect what we do. We are creating various stereotypes without even knowing it that won’t help our industry. If you see a pick up guy in the various media out there you will be left with the following impressions.

- Cheesy. Apart from the barrage of pick up lines to “seduce” women you will notice in his choice of wardrobe something that screams “awry”. It makes me go “yikes”. You notice something out of place in the haircut, slick clothes, weird accessorizing, etc.

- Suspicious. In an effort to sell his pick up product he needs to at least pretend he has some “secrets” to seducing women that nobody else has. He might be a great stand up dude but he is confronted with the reality of a stereotype he needs to fill in order to be marketable. Because of all this “secret” mentality, our industry is moving into the dangerous territory of “too good to be true” -- fake, that is. You also reinforce the mentality that with these “trade secrets” people don’t have to make an effort, work hard or become better human beings to be successful.

- Tricks. It is assumed that pick up guys have a bag of tricks that they use to seduce. So, ordinary people imagine a guy with a toolbox of tricks and aces under the sleeve to be flashed out when he meets a female. All of this contributes to the stereotype of the trickster, namely, a dishonest, cunning type who uses voodoo-like incantations to trick women into bed with him. The tricks being the shortcut to get what you want, again without much effort or any kind of real growth.

- The jerk persona. Some of the guys you see have made it a habit in their journey from chode to champ to acquire, refine and absorb the jerk persona. As a reaction to their old geeky self now they want to impersonate the high school jockey or something. But even though they have managed to bury the geek very deep down, they can’t still manage the jerk persona because it is totally not congruent with their personality even though he has managed to change everything outside like clothes, gadgets, hair, etc. This glitch in the personality results in fakeness and incongruence that can be spotted after he has exhausted all his arsenal of prearrange, rehearsed attitudes and strategies. All of this makes them look shady or suspicious characters to say the least. Another stereotype in the making. If he keeps that up he will end in an asylum staring at the wall due to multiple personality disorder.

All of the above in a nutshell is value-taking. It means when we talk to a girl all we are doing is try to steal value from her. We don’t offer anything in return. It promotes the image that we are out “on the take”.

This is a sad state of affairs for the Pickup community. Instead of value givers we breathe value-taking. No wonder many people are repelled by the Pickup community because all these stereotypes have been fed to the media for the past 4 years. However, there is nothing further from the truth. As in any community that you get involved with, you will find all kinds of people: some amazing, others not so and some ok people.

The reality of the Pickup job

No matter how much I try to separate what I do from the above, I can’t help but be stereotyped too. The bottom line is that I do teach men how to get women. However, you can’t say we take value when we approach women otherwise you wouldn’t be successful with them. Nobody likes value takers. A minimum of value needs to be offered for you to get laid. Women are attracted to attractive men. I mean attractive here in the full sense of the word, not physically speaking.

I have encountered in the last 5 years all kinds of people. Like in any activity you find good, bad and ugly. Some of the guys I have met through my job have become friends over the years. Some of the coolest people I have met in my life I have met through pick up coaching. It pains me when I am confronted with the reality of the stereotypes to see that those amazing guys will be thrown in the same cheesy, voodoo-like seduction-community sack as the rest.

Remember:
It only takes a minority for a cliché to set in. In an effort to hawk products, the very essence of our job gets lost.

We help guys

When I see the transformations happening in over a weekend of live-in-field programs, I wonder if the media will be interested. They probably won’t be. Who cares if a guy has become more natural, broke through his long-term shyness and feels happier now with more choice of women in his life?

Nobody cares.

The media doesn’t like positive things per se, unless there is a dark angle, some negativity or something laughable.

I doubt that you can sit in a TV interview and say to the TV talking head, “All you have to do to get a girl you like is be yourself around her. There are no secrets”. I don’t think anybody will tune into that show. You must have “dirty little secrets nobody knows about” to get their attention.

Our job in the field

My job is very straightforward in the field.

- Point A to point B. It has nothing to do with secrets or pick up lines or sophisticated manoeuvring. I have a client who wants to go from point A to point B. I have three days to make it happen.
- Principled teachings, no gimmicks. Growth happens in the weekend as a result of a lot of hard work by explaining, repeating, getting insights, personalizing a number of key principles, drilling, trial and error, etc. The more I can align my client with those principles (not gimmicks) the more he will be successful during and after the program.
- Zero quick fixes. There are no secrets. I wish there were because my life will be so much easier during program. I wouldn’t have to repeat so much. But hey, that’s my job.

A liberator of men

We help guys help themselves. Most guys who come to a program, contrary to popular opinion, have as an end goal to find their ideal soul mate in life. Even though they want to learn how to approach and bed women, most of them don’t want to remain single forever. They just want choice.

COACH INSIGHT
Choice in life means freedom. In that sense, I am a liberator of men, not a trickster. I help men reach their full potential when it comes to the opposite sex and their social life. I help them attain personal goals in their lives. I couldn’t trick them into that even if I wanted to. Real growth cannot be faked; you must pay the price to quote Steven Covey.

The majority of my clients want to have the ability to have a choice as to the partner they want to spend the rest of their lives with. In other words they don’t want to be stuck with a girl they don’t like because of lack of options. That’s a genuine desire. There is nothing wrong, cheesy or suspicious about it.

However, what irritates me is to see the image of sex-hungry addicts we get portrayed out there when the reality is quite the opposite. Men who come to this pick up activity want to have some fun with the women too but their ultimate goal is to have choice.

Remember:
You will have tremendous personal growth as a result of dedicating yourself to pick up. You will become a better person. There is no question. Why? Well, there is no way you will be successful with women if you don’t become successful as a person. You will have to align yourself with various success principles that will propel you to greater heights of personal growth. Failure to align with such principles will mean you won’t succeed in the long term. You might have luck shots here and there but you will lack consistency.


Steps to success
- Do you believe in “quick fixes” or tricks to get women? If you do, do you really want them or would you rather pay the price of growth?
- Do you sometimes behave like a jerk to women as a means to “one up” them? Do you think this is necessary to attract them? Have you tried an alternative way?
- What’s your end goal in Pick up? Are you doing this only for the sex? if you have an end goal, are you making sure you pursue it consistently in the field?
- Do you think the principled approach to Pick up is slower to reach your goals in the long term? Even if it was slower, would you still want it?

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | August 30th, 2010 at 4:01 PM
Ozzie's HARSH "Top 10 Reasons To Get Physical NOW"


Life and Pick up

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In This Article
- Distractions in the game
- Fun and the game
- The zero logic approach to Pick up
- Getting physical and verbal game
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I had as much fun as frustration when I wrote “The Physical Game Book”(Coming out September 1st)! I realized it all was more fun in the end. I can’t help but look back and write it all off as an interesting journey. Every day was different. I would not know whether I would produce a Chapter or spend the day staring at a blank computer screen. However, despite it all, you can’t say it was boring. It was fun!

Life is what happens to you

“Life is what happens to you when you are busy doing other things” or something. John Lennon said that a long time ago and when I first heard this I thought he was full of crap.

Today I have a newfound respect for John Lennon and his hippie days after I see myself deluding in a myriad of meaningless tasks and find myself needing to focus on the important, rather than the urgent. Plans for the future seem so futile when reality strikes you with all kinds of urgencies. We all feel we are not doing enough or the required with our lives. We feel time slipping by without fulfilling our goals etc.

COACH INSIGHT
As I coach guys, I realize that most guys don’t need to do a lot of stuff; they just have to take some action. Taking some real action over a period of time will solve most of their questions without even the need to answer. It is very common that half way thru BC most questions have already been answered not by me but by the different actions taken in the field. Game is simplified to its basic foundations of seeing a girl, approaching her and taking it from there.

Getting laid is what happens to you when you are busy having fun

If you look at the times when you get laid, there is one common denominator: fun. The girl was having fun, you were having fun, and, as a result, your dick finds its way into her pants. One thing led to another, everything seems to fall into place: logistics, her friends’ approval, etc., and you went home together. It was almost meant to be. If you pay closer attention, you will notice there was not much of an effort and it all flowed somehow with the usual bumps in the road like pulling her out of the club, maybe a bit of resistance when kiss closing, etc.

I would go as far as saying that if you were not in a good mood, having fun, totally in the moment the chances of getting laid would have been reduced to almost zero. No fun, starting the conversation breaks down. No fun, you can’t maintain an interaction based on logical conversation. No fun, you can’t drag her away from her friends anywhere because it is obvious she will not enjoy it wherever you are going together....etc.

Remember:
The whole system breaks when the one obvious thing that glues it together breaks. Fun, enjoyment, happiness, good mood, state, good vibe, high energy, etc. Whatever you want to call it.

Working and fun

I force myself when I am in the field not to look at it as a job. If I look at it as a job to coach guys, I inevitably fall into logical state, repetition and boredom sets in, and my program goes to shit. I aim to have a party in the field with the guys. I jump up and down like a maniac. I make stupid remarks. I shake my ass to girls. I goof around. I high-five people for no reason....it has to be fun. Same as getting laid, a good program is the result of how much fun I had doing it. It reflects on the students.

Once physical you won’t go back

If you are not getting physical with a girl, you are not having real fun. Unless you are spinning girls, holding them, hugging them you won’t enjoy everything this game has to offer.

Every time I teach physical game, I realize guys are having so much fun with it that they don’t rely on verbal game ever again to create attraction. They enjoy it so much they can’t get enough of it. They actually STOP talking. They let their physical moves do the talking. They realize how much easier it is to carry an interaction sprinkled with physicality than to talk their ass off forever. You can get interactions going longer and faster if you apply all THE PHYSICAL GAME moves.

Zero Logic

Every time you bore people or you bore yourself, you must check for logic in your conversation. Logic will kill an otherwise fun interaction. Going into the interview mode of “questions and answers” will do that to you. For every question you make, produce 5 affirmative sentences in your dialogues with girls. i have made a habit of turning all my questions into affirmative sentences by using “i am guessing here...” “I think that....” “I want you to...” instead of “do you think..?” “do you want?” etc.

Remember:
Make a commitment to stop logic when you are in the field. Make a deal with your wing to give him 10 dollars every time you start a conversation with a background of logic behind it -- talking game in the field is logic-related. You will make your wing rich. You will be forced to have fun.

Steps to success
- If you are not having fun in the field for lack of results, does this “no fun” mentality affect/improve your game? What can you do about it?
- How hard would it be to make a commitment to fun instead of outcome? Wouldn’t you rather have both?
- How physical are you with girls? Do you wait for signals from her or do you create such signals with your physicality? What would it mean to you to get physical without signals?
- Can you think of fun stories to share with your wing while you are in field? How can you improve the general vibe you bring into your sets?

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | August 31st, 2010 at 4:19 PM
Ozzie's Secrets To Get Physical FAST With Hot Girls


The Fear That Rides Desire

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In This Article
- How to curb fears of approaching women
- How challenges in other areas can be applied to your sex life
- Using research as a tool against fear
- The connection between fears and goals
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You want something but you are too scared to go for it

Fear tells you fight or flight. You want to run in the opposite direction when you want something. Fear of failure rides you. However, deep down you know you can’t get what you want unless you risk failure. Sometimes I feel like AA is just fear of failure. The guy is afraid of looking bad or failing in front of an instructor, friends, strangers or worst, his ego.

A new life plan

I see all kinds of threads about a new living plan like new diet, gym, clean living, etc. Though I think it's great that guys make a new life plan, I also know that it probably took them a while to overcome their fear of going into an uncharted territory like that.

It is scary to set up new goals.

- Fear of the unknown. You don’t know what will happen if you do certain things differently. It might require adjustments in other areas of your life like new schedules, meals, preparation, etc.
- Fear of failure. You are afraid to commit to something and then fail at it. Nothing worse than to look back and find yourself right where you started.
- Fear of negative social consequences. What if others knew and then hold you to your word? What if you decide to drop 10 pounds and then failed and everybody knew about it? You could lose face in front of friends and significant people in your life.

It takes the same courage to approach beautiful girls. Others might laugh if you fail.

How to destroy fear: research

One of the things fear tells you is that you are thoroughly unprepared to undertake the action you want. You don’t know. You will never know. You will never be as good as the successful guys, etc. All bullshit.

When I talked to TD about writing a book, I had no idea how to write a book. I just wanted to write one -- in English!!!. My English grammar sucks; I can’t produce a lot of material -- all kinds of excuses etc. Very quickly Papa sent me a “how-to” book to write a book. Research started. 2 months later I had the outline for my book and 3 chapters... Right now it is ready -- coming out September 1st, watch out! However, fear kept on striking me. Sometimes I just felt I wanted to stop writing and do something else. I am no writer, you know. But I kept going.

When you research you discover the territory you will be walking on.

1) Find out your worst case scenarios. Since fear is usually fear of the unknown, you will destroy it with research. Research and your fear will become less poignant. Research more and you will see that worst case scenarios rarely happen and you will relax. That’s why AA tends to subside after guys find out that there is nothing to fear after a couple of approaches. It actually is pretty simple.

2) Get to know who you are. In your research you should include getting to know you. “Know thyself” seems to be the wisest thing ever said. Get to know your learning style (George Leonard), your fears, and interact with people who have overcome their fears. This is probably all the evidence you will ever need.

Doing one thing you are scared of doing every day

Make sure it's something you want to do or always wanted to do: maybe approaching that hottie on the tube or in the coffee shop, simply doing a public speaking gig or going out alone on a Friday night, even saying “hi” to your neighbor. Whatever. Get in the habit of doing something you want to do every day but won’t because of fear.

Remember:
Sooner rather than later you will find that you don’t need people or so much information or support. You become your own support group. You are independent.

COACH INSIGHT
You will not overcome fear.
It is impossible to erase it. You just get better at dealing with it. It also is a blessing in disguise. It is like a compass that tells you you are riding your true deep-seated desires. All your intimate desires are fear-ridden. It is your job to know yourself. It is essential you let fear guide you to your desires but not overwhelm you. It is bittersweet to find that fear is your ally in this. All those years of trying to overcome it, you realize that it actually tells you something positive about yourself.

Fear is your friend. A radical thought

I am telling you all this from the comfort of my laptop because I am a coward. I am no hero. You could say I am doing a little lip service. I'll give you an example: I was terrified of committing to a relationship. I have been banging girls for years without the slightest thought of committing to a relationship.

Bottom line was I was scared. I was afraid of being hurt, committed, or a painful breakup, etc. It was not my PU persona or ego; it was plain old fear. I kept it simple, just sex. Months ago I moved into my girlfriend’s apartment -- I had no choice since my 2 year lease on my apartment had run out. It was the scariest thing I have ever done. I didn’t want to do it. It took me a lot thinking and I did it on the condition that “We will try this for a month”. Even though it felt like stepping into the unknown for me to make this kind of change, I went for it.

This is why I have no mercy in pushing people out of their various “bridges” into the abyss. I am a coward too. I have to push myself out of comfort zones constantly. Homeostasis works for me too.

Fear tells you you are riding your true desire. All desire comes with a great deal of fear attached to it. Do a little research (not too much) and go for it.

Steps to success
- How would your life change if you were to follow your desires and face the fear that rides them?
- Do you have problems writing down your goals? If so, why?
- Do you know exactly the situations you are avoiding when you don’t approach a girl you like?
- What if those fear scenarios you are avoiding by not approaching were to happen? Would that be so bad?

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | September 1st, 2010 at 3:55 PM
Unless You Try
Unless You Try

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In This Article
- Mantra of “try and see”
- “Spill over” effect of pickup
- Predicting catastrophes
- Mixed set scare
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I think I made a life philosophy out of this simple mantra. Keeping it simple has always been my credo. I don’t believe in complicated solutions to big problems. (More on this in my book “The Physical Game” coming out TODAY)

For the “try and see” approach.

- Experiment. “Try and see” what happens has always been a part of my life. When I started to experiment with physical game I couldn’t believe the kind of shit I could get away with. Make a girl suck your dick over your pants. Go for it. There is other stuff that I did that I won’t even say for the sake of not appearing like a braggart -- most shit that happens in-field sounds unbelievable to the layman. Girls get sexual very quickly when you truly don’t give a shit.

- Keep it simple. I took a big chunk out of this philosophy from seeing Tim in the field. Whatever it is, just try it and don’t overcomplicate the thing.

The Story

I remember an RSD retreat in Greece, 2006. The whole crew was there. We had so much crazy shit happen to us on that retreat we had to make a habit of improvising on-the-go. From being stranded on a dirty hippie island with one water taxi a day, to banging girls, to getting ourselves into unavailable hotel rooms, to hop flying in a small cheap plane from one island to Athens etc. In the end everything worked out and we had some of the best moments ever. I learned that nothing is impossible if you “try and see”. I remember being stranded in Ios Island with no hotel rooms available, our entire luggage on the floor of a Cafe at almost 11PM with no prospect of having a place to sleep and Papa walking around the island on an impossible mission to find a place for us in a tourist-packed party island. Not only did he get us rooms but he also got us into one of the best beachfront hotels on the island for a fraction of the cost. It blew my mind. He resorted to a front office contact he cleverly got from a receptionist girl I banged in Mykonos Island.

Generalization

It is customary for guys who take RSD programs to change other parts of their lives. The program and newfound confidence has a “spillover” effect on their jobs, friend relations and overall life. Plenty of dudes leave my program and decide to quit their “chode” jobs -- I don’t endorse this -- and go on a world tour. They think “if I can get women, I can do whatever I want with my life”.

This “spillover” effect leads them to take on new challenges: new jobs, embark on new business ventures, etc. Confidence breeds confidence.

“I am Tony Montana, a political prisoner from Cuba ...give me my fucking human rights!”

You can play the system when the system has no play with you.

Remember:
When you crystal ball interactions into major catastrophes, you reduce your “try and see” capacity. You expect the worst so you won’t try. You feel like if you approach a mixed set the guy will beat you up, however unlikely the prospect is. You would be surprised how many guys won’t approach mixed sets because of this fear.

The Mixed Set Scare

I approach mix sets all the time, I know they are the simplest. My mixed set skill has gone through the roof because of this. I have gotten so good at befriending guys in set that I have ended up “amogging” the girls at times. Sometimes guys start talking to me all at the same time and the girl leaves the set and I have to chase her back into it. It has happened on a couple of occasions -- I see my girl getting ignored while guys mob me with high-fives and ask me questions like little school girls. I have tried to patch this up by approaching girls first but still I get it once in a while.

COACH INSIGHT
If you are afraid guys will “beat you up” you might want to think in terms of worst case scenario here and evaluate the situation more realistically: “The worst that can happen is that a jealous boyfriend beats me but it is unlikely”. So you go ahead and “try and see” for yourself. Since you know worst case scenarios are unlikely you will approach with less fear. The less fear the greater your “try and see” capacity. You will be more action-oriented and less analysis-based.

Soon your “generalization” will kick in. After a couple of good interactions with guys in mixed sets, your mind will “generalize” that it is always positive like that -- your mind will rule out the chance of a worst case scenario. Your fear will be reduced.

You can apply this generalization concept to every area of the game: opening girls “out of your league”, getting physical from the opener, making out, pulling to dance floor etc. For every good experience you have, your mind will do the “generalization” job. Your fear to do those “scary” feats will be greatly reduced to the point that fear is almost gone. For me to have any fear approaching after doing this for more than 5 years, I need to crank it up manually. Simply, I am not afraid of doing anything anymore.

So after generalization, your “try and see” meter will go up. You will just try and see what happens with those things you are scared of doing.

Good hunting!

Steps to success
- If fear was not an issue how much would you try in the field?
- What is the worst case scenario of approaching a group of people? Can you handle it?

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | October 28th, 2010 at 4:21 AM
Meeting Women on a Night Out, a Beginner’s Mission
A beginner has to understand the following: get through your 2000 rookie mistakes fast so you can get to the 2000 master’s mistakes. In other words, a complete beginner to cold walk-ups with women must understand his mission is survival on a night out. He must get through the night.

Cold Approach/Walk-up: To approach and start a conversation with a total stranger.

Shivers

Last week, I had a complete beginner here on my live in-field program in London and he was terrified as we walked into one of the loudest, meanest, hardest clubs in London. He said to me later in the night that he was shaking with fear as we entered the club for the night. “How do you feel now?” I asked after we had gone through several hours of approaching girls. He said, “I am fine. I survived.” What he means is “I can do this again.” So if I were to bring him again to the same club the next night, his fears would be less and so on.

Challenging venues

I throw complete beginners to the art of cold walk-ups into the worst of circumstances and then give them tools to survive there. I do this over and over until they learn to use the tools. I am not afraid to do this since I understand that survival in challenging situations leads to high levels of confidence and results in better performance in the long term.

Fear as fuel for performance around women

I believe fear has its use. I believe fear can help you when you walk up to beautiful women in crazy night venues. In fact, it can provide the fuel you need to perform better. Fear as a source of energy, if harnessed properly, can be extremely profitable when you decide to improve your dating life.

A beginner’s drill

Write down on a piece of paper your worst fear around beautiful women. The following examples come from my live in-field programs. This is what beginners write at the beginning of their training.

1. Walk up to a couple and being beaten up by boyfriend

2. Being ignored by a beautiful girl in front of her friends

3. Being rejected and humiliated by a stunning girl in front of her hot friends

4. Running out of things to say in front of a girl(s)

Once you have identified your top fear, it is time to expose yourself to it. If you fear jealous boyfriends, your mission is to SURVIVE. So walk up to 5 different couples in the night and start a conversation. The first one will be your hardest. But as you keep doing your mission, you will feel less fear and your interactions will get better.

(For more articles about Ozzie, check out http://www.pickupmadesimple.com and http://www.physicalgamebook.com).

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | November 22nd, 2010 at 10:19 PM
Being Awkward Socially
As a top fear in my live programs students fear being thrown into awkwardness in front of strangers. They conjure up that it will have catastrophic consequences on them. They fear they will act in a way that will be humiliating to themselves or do something that would reveal to the world how uncomfortable they are inside.

“Donny, you are out of your element.” (Walter, “The Big Lebowski”

The value of embarrassment

Nothing will guarantee your safety against the odd rejection if you try and meet women everywhere you are. Social awkwardness will continue to ride you no matter what. At certain moments, you will be unable to think of anything interesting to say and your crowd will go to sleep right there in front of you. Embarrassment and awkwardness will continue but its meaning can change to you. The more you confront social awkwardness and face it dead-on, the more it will lose its grip on you. It will feel neither dangerous nor threatening. It will have less of an impact on your levels of self-esteem; you won’t depend so much on others to validate you and you will become internally validated. You won’t stop being yourself despite your embarrassments and mistakes.

Socially awkward moments, through repetition, will feel like making day-to-day mistakes like forgetting to buy milk at the supermarket or leaving your ID at home and so on. They won’t feel dramatic at all.

Changing behaviours through changing meaning

Through social experimentation, you can change behaviours that affect you today. Behaviours only change when we attach a different meaning to social mistakes. Through social "faux pas" repetition you re-evaluate social threats and dangers so they come to have a different meaning to you.

For example, you tried to gain physical chemistry with a girl by hugging her. However, she rejected your hug but still kept on talking to you. You experimented with her and you learned a new lesson. You learned that hugging can still be safe with women even if they reject the hug the first time. Suddenly, you feel hugging women is not entirely a threat. It can be done with minor social cost. As a consequence you do more hugs to the women you interact with because you feel safe. You changed behaviour by attaching new meaning to it. So, now 7 women out of 10 take your hugs. Not a bad ratio to work with.

Developing new scripts

All of a sudden you discover the map is not the territory. Furthermore, you discover the map cannot contain the territory. It is virtually impossible because of all the nuances and limitless possibilities within social interactions. Even rejection doesn’t mean you are rejected. It may only be temporary.

When you can get away with a lot more than you thought, you become bolder. You become more of a risk-taker. You start getting the rewards that accompany risk-taking. You start developing a new script for social interactions with women.

Understand and respect womens' map when you meet them

You can have your map of how an interaction should go in accordance with your reality or perception of the world. You might try, in accordance with such a map, to make others conform to it. You become a control freak. If a woman, for example, operates from a map that is significantly different to yours it might be difficult to communicate or build rapport with this. Their map may be causing them to respond according to values, beliefs, etc. which may be at odds to yours.

Take the time to see her point of view. Try and see how she views the situation of you initiating an interaction with her. Be curious. Appreciate her opinions and views of the world and try to relate to them. Find things in common, as opposed to different, between you and her.

Thus when a woman’s map does not agree with yours -- she decides to terminate the interaction and go to the toilet for instance -- be tolerant. She might change her mind later on in the night. Opinions, when it comes to women, are often temporary. Be patient. Maybe later on in the night, you might want to talk to her again and both your maps might be aligned by then.

Drama

Drama happens when you meet women as a result of you trying to impose your map of the world onto others. You think that your way of seeing the world needs to be shared and revered. Tolerance goes out the window. As a result, guys get tight inside, hating and angry. Nobody wants to hang around somebody in such a state. We want to be around people that are loose and enjoying their lives. Imposing your criteria onto others is equivalent to “Everybody must like me or else...”. You become threatening and externally validated.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | December 15th, 2010 at 12:48 PM
The Ups and Downs
Everybody has to deal with setbacks when you go out with the purpose of meeting women. Reality can be unpredictable. What you did successfully yesterday may seem impossible today. Most perfectionist type of guys want a constant string of success with women. However, you must realize setbacks are a normal part of building your skills with women and you must not be discouraged if you have had a bad night.

Some solutions

1. If you feel you are slipping backwards, it could be because you are trying to run before you can walk. One step at a time. Take things slowly and understand that debunking old patterns of behavior takes time and effort. Even a small victory means you are not stuck, but need to keep working.

2. Bad performance can be deceiving. It is more apparent than real. You may have had a bad performance that day because of external factors like being tired, overworked, mentally exhausted or not feeling well. A bad performance is usually the result of things not being in place. It makes all your efforts seem harder.

Doing things when you don’t want to

Don’t allow negative thinking to tell you “not now”. Make it a point, even if you don’t feel up to it, to walk up to the first attractive girl you see in the club and start a conversation. Trust that the universe will protect you against rejection. Trust you will be fine. You will find that if you make it a habit to meet new women, it becomes an ordinary everyday activity. It brings less of a strain. You start considering meeting new woman as less dangerous or frightening than you thought.

Stop keeping yourself safe

Keeping yourself safe keeps you on the “down”. You fail to act because you don’t see a possibility of succeeding. Either you feel “too tired,” “not the right time,” “she is too busy now,” and so on or you end up failing to take action. Most “downs” in the dating game happen because you fail to act, not because the interaction went bad. Interactions can go bad and you can still feel positive and “up” because you took action anyway.

Keeping failure “low profile”
Hairy Back by SFBart, on Flickr

One reason you feel you are slipping and not moving forward is because failures weigh too much on your shoulders. Social mistakes need to be considered like ordinary mistakes. You need to think about them like any other ordinary mistake like “I forgot my umbrella today and it is raining”. You don’t beat yourself up because you forgot your umbrella on a rainy day. You just keep going to work as you intended and not give it a second thought. Same applies if you start an interaction with a gorgeous woman in the tube and she excuses herself and leaves because she had to get off the train. Don’t read much into this. Don’t think you had a big fat failure. Just think of it as a small setback. Your next interaction can go better.

Inner child stuff
Copyright 2008 Wicked Local Wayland. Some rights reserved

We all have a critic sitting in our heads acting like the judge of what we do. This voice tells whether you did right or wrong- rain or shine-, reminding us we are not measuring up, doing it right. Many psychotherapy schools call this voice different names, “Top Dog”, “Critical Parent” or “the Critic”.

In other words, that voice is the Meta voice: the boss. It always knows best. Sometimes you think, “My god, that was my father/mother talking”.

That voice is responsible for most of your “downs” in the dating game. It gets triggered with criticism when we make a mistake or don’t live up to its high expectations. It is not you. It is an older parent who takes over.

Taking control of your deranged inner voice

Nobody can do anything to you except yourself. In other words, that inner voice cannot get away with destructive criticism without your consent. Make a decision to recognize such a critical voice and make a stand against it. Decide to screw up on purpose. Deal with the voice later. Practice protecting yourself against that critical voice.

If you hear that inner voice, recognize it. Learn to identify it and label it “boss talk”, “top dog” or “the party pooper”. Whatever name you find amusing. Then get back at it by saying to yourself “this is negativity. It won’t be allowed.” Give yourself a 2 minute break from it and shut it down. Then start taking action as if the voice was never there. Motion is emotion. You break the inertia created by the inner voice by taking swift action and not playing safe.

Thumbnail: multi-views of Blew, the blue arrow, by Leo Reynolds on Flickr

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | March 9th, 2011 at 11:55 PM
Practicing Perfectionism
Tags: Self Actualization
Nobody is grading you! But still you are grading yourself. And hard!

Do you go out to practice meeting women or to practice perfectionism when meeting women?

As high as 60 percent of my Boot camp students are perfectionist types. So, there is a fat chance if you are reading this, you are one!

What does it mean to be a perfectionist? The number one fallacy of a perfectionist is believing, all the way down to his core, there is a “right” way to do things. He is convinced that if he can tap into that “righteousness” he would always succeed. As you can see there is no room for “trying and failing.” That’s why perfectionists have a short fuse.

They become frustrated quicker than the average guy when things are not going his way.

How can I make it better? Or how can I make it perfect so I can succeed every time and not waste my precious energy?

A perfectionist lives by the latter. They spend entire lives looking for the magic formula that would bring mistrials to zero. It reveals their anxiety about performance. They can’t tolerate bad performances. At an emotional level, they have decided mistakes are bad and a waste of time.

Really? Are mistakes all that bad?

A perfectionist has developed a fear, or rather a phobia of failure. Mistakes equal failure to perform. He must improve. Rigidity subs flexibility. The bow breaks because it is too hard and can’t bend. Rigidity can lead to further and more painful failure. It can lead to cracking. When you crack in this game you stop approaching girls.

You don’t see the point of trying to meet a girl when you will never achieve the perfect approach.

High or insane standards for performance and paralysis

With a perfectionist, standards for a good performance are so high that a perfectionist can never win. The game is rigged so you are always in misery. Even when you get the girl, you start questioning your very success by using self-critical statements like “she is not that hot,” “I got lucky because her friends left me alone with her”, “She is desperate for a boyfriend” and so on.

No success can quench the thirst of the black hole of inner negativity. Self-rejection becomes the norm rather than the exception.

One thing I have learned coaching perfectionist types is that you can’t win with them. No such a thing as happy ending with them. There is always a “but.” So I gave up trying to live up to their high standards and started negotiating standards with them. As a result, fearing failure every time, they paralyse and stop trying.

An idea

On Boot camp, one thing I came up with to solve the perfectionist issue with guys was to negotiate goals outside performance. Remember that immaculate performance was their primary focus. So instead I started to give them goals outside performance. And voala! Performance started to improve. One thing about performance is that the more you focus on it, the worst it becomes. So by steering a perfectionist’s attention outside performance they start to relax which in turn helps performance! Kind of like a catch 22 in a roundabout way. This is why advanced guys in the art of meeting women refuse to discuss “game” when they are in a club or in the process of approaching women. You hear them say things like, “The less I think about it, the better.” This is another reason why they resent newbies trying to get “dating secrets” out of them because deep inside they know there are no shortcuts. That there is growth process that needs to happen first prior to success.

Goals

Perfectionists are goal/results driven. The problem is always the same: they want their goals reached yesterday.

So I started to negotiate goals with them. I force them to delay evaluation and put it off until a certain deadline was agreed upon. That seemed to work.



I teach them to defer evaluation of their performance until deadline time comes. So, that way, they don’t have to focus on performance for the duration, which would kill performance to start with. So I guarantee a worry-free head and zero anxiety during the accomplishment of the goals themselves.

Some simple solutions work for the perfectionists because I found that their perfectionism has such silver linings like driven, super-focused, hard working and so on. So being a perfectionist, it is not that bad after all. Most over achievers in the world are perfectionist types. James Cameron, a quasi-successful Hollywood director for one is a perfectionist type, drives everybody crazy around him with his obsessive attention to detail – on occasions during filming Alien II, frustrated with the “under- performance” of special effects puppeteers and to the astonishment of his filming crew he did the job of the puppeteers himself. But you wouldn’t mind having the success of a James Cameron. Being a perfectionist is not a curse, but it is all about not letting your perfectionism interfere with your performance and your motivation.

Christmas metaphor

Achieving goals is a lot like Christmas. It is a joyful and exciting day that goes by all too fast. We rarely have time to taste it because it is just one day. However, it is all about the preparation, the buying of the gifts, the family expectations of being together, all the anticipation that makes it special. Not the day itself.

Achieving goals feels like a letdown once you get them. Because it is all about the preparation, research, ups and downs, self-corrections that lead to the successful completion of goals. It is about the journey. It is up to you, as a perfectionist, to miss all the fun of getting your goals, all the growth process that awaits you and the positive personal rewards you get out of it. The more you grow, the easier it becomes to go after goals and the bigger they get! Having known all the fun involved in meeting goals, you set up more challenging goals for yourself so you can duplicate the enjoyment of the ride.

Transient emotions

Both happiness and sadness come and go so it is wise not to exacerbate the meaning of one or the other. Keep them in check. Those moments of perfect adaptation to the environment of the club or full on fulfilment of your needs, be them sexual or performance wise with women, are only briefly experienced. When people find the missing piece in their lives or jump with joy because they found the cure for cancer, they feel blissfully and one with the universe, but such experiences don’t last. Your brain would explode if you were on blissful state for long periods of time. Everything must pass. It is the journey that counts. If you look at professional football, the championship teams struggle all season to stay on top to conquer their trophy –their goal- at the last day of the season. Celebrations go on for a day or so and they are back to work after a couple of days. Business as usual. We spend more time on “business as usual” than on blissful states. So why put so much stock on them?

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | September 29th, 2011 at 4:52 PM
A Simple Program for Complicated People

Rocket science

Pickup is not rocket science. “You throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the ball’’. Simple game of
baseball. However, you can enact any number of theories that have nothing to do with baseball. I once
read a book called ‘’The Inner Game of Baseball’’ written by a successful pitcher in MLB. However, when
it comes down to execution the more you have in your head the worst it is. ‘’ I can’t think and hit at the
same time’’, quote from an unknown player.

Pickup is not baseball

However pickup is simple in the same way or at least how I understand human interactions. “See a girl
you like, approach girl.”

Why do people complicate pickup more than it really needs to be? The outcome.

Most guys would like to control the outcome of an interaction, which throws everything out of
its ‘’natural’’ rocket. They want to play God. How can I always get what I want out of an interaction?

It sounds a bit like, ‘’How can I always get what I want out of life?’’.

The problem with life in this case is that you always get more than what you expected. Always. And
always you are sorely disappointed with it. It fails to provide that high you expected. When you say, I
wish I could open the hottest girl in the club and at least survive 20 minutes of conversation with her
and get physical. When you do get it, you feel like nothing really happened. It was easier than you
thought! It always is. Why? Your own head creates the difficulties.

Same thing when you get laid with girls. Most guys say: ‘’It was effortless. One thing led to another. It
was easy’’. However, was it really easy? Or may be you were overqualified for the job after all hard work
you have been doing in the field. Do things happen or you make them happen? This is not Tony Robbins
type of cheap psychobubble bullshit. This is real.

You make things happen. However, things don’t happen for you in your own time and terms. Why?
The universe’s randomness comes into play. You can’t predict when and where results will happen. It
doesn’t mean Pickup is a numbers game. “The more you do, the more you get” kind of deal. Absolutely
not true. I have seen guys go out for two years and get zero lays. If it was a numbers game, you wouldn’t need a mindset, a philosophy of approaching and a game plan. Anybody could do it. I spent 1 year in field doing it “my way’’ because I thought it was a number’s game. The more you do the better you get. I got nothing in a year. However, after my first bootcamp, I had my longest lay streak of my life. That’s not numbers. I was doing things differently after my program. Sometimes just a slight change can bring about amazing results. You might say that I am a Pick up coach and I have to say that to sell programs.

Fair enough. However, you might want to think about the fact that I was a newbie when I took my first
program and I was just another normal guy in field trying to get laid. No bullshit there. You want to
consider the fact also that my story in the game is actually very ordinary. It is more or less the same
story for many others who are not bootcamp instructors.

Playing God With The Outcome


By focusing on the outcome, you reduce the chances of the outcome ever happening. The moment a
student focuses too much on performance during program the more he brings it down. it is only when
the he drops his obsession with performance that he soars. I am very careful on program with outcome
dependence. I know it kills the outcome. Once a student is too bent on doing a good job, he screws up
and gets frustrated. It is a catch 22.

This is why I have mantras such as “If it is worth doing, it is worth doing it poorly” as in “If you see the
hottest girl in the club surrounded by her entourage, just do it”. Don’t complicate this anymore than it
is. There is learning in failure. Mostly you get rid of your fear of it.

Numbers Game?

Why then some guys are more successful than others? Do they approach more? Do they adapt better to
situations? Are they technically gifted?

Are they doing something different? Yes, they are. However, they still approach a whole bunch of girls
to get their lays. You could say they are playing the numbers game. On the surface perhaps. But deep
down you know it is not true. If it was that easy everybody would be getting laid. No need for a pickup
education. No need to spend your hard earned money on PU.

I don’t remember how much I paid for my first program. Probably too little.

Numbers Game Gone Wrong

Here is an example. Students leaves set too early and he thinks something is wrong with his game. He
keeps doing the same throughout the night and finds himself with no girl at the end. He concludes, “this
numbers game sucks”. It is elusive to him the fact he has left too early every set. Not only that he has
made a habit out of it.

However, just a little tweak might multiply his chances by 50 percent. A student who leaves a set early
is generally afraid to fail. He is afraid of rejection so he rejects himself before the girls can. As a result,
he deprives himself of both opportunities to learn and of getting laid. Plowing through a bad first
impression, is key in success in pickup. Why? Because you can’t have smooth openings all the time.
Moreover, it is not necessary.

However, you need to learn that many times plowing through a bad first impressions gets you that
elusive hot lay that you want. Fact. However, if you are a perfectionist you won’t stick to a crappy start because you think you have to be smooth all the time. As a result you will end up with distorted
conclusions about your game.

You Are On Your Own

After a certain level however, you are on your own. Nobody can help you but yourself. On my second
program, way more expensive than my first one-6 months after my first program-, I only picked up a
couple of things but they had the most impact in my game. As an advanced guy who was getting laid
already, I had to really open my mind to my instructor and lose myself in the process of learning. I was
a beginner all over again during the program. It worked for me. I picked up a couple of things and went
home and got laid back to back Friday and Saturday. Then continued getting laid until I hit a wall or dry
streak. Dry streaks happen no matter what you do. Only human.

However, does that mean my bootcamp was not valuable because I was advanced? The answer is no. Even though I picked up a couple of things only. However, those 2 things went a long way. It was totally my next level. As you get better, it is harder to move forward. Normally you need input to move forward from qualified people otherwise you are stuck in a rut for years. As you move up it becomes harder to improve for obvious reasons. For example, take ATP tennis, to move from number 5 in the world to number 1 in the ATP tour, it takes years. Check out the case of the current Tennis ATP number 1 guy. It took him a couple of years to be in a position to beat Nadal, the former number one. As a result, he now beats everybody else. His leap was a quantum leap. However, it was just a couple of numbers in the list. The same happened to Nadal vs Federer back in the day of 3 years ago (pun intended).

Fear Technology is no fun



I have had plenty of guys telling me that fear tech is not fun at all. They suffer the 3 days of my program. I wouldn’t be doing my job if it was otherwise. If you want fun, go to the circus. Growth hurts. In my opinion if you don’t hurt in the game you are not growing as you should. You are shrinking. However, once you have no fear, pickup can become fun. However, getting rid of your major fears is painful. They have been with you for too long. You don’t want to let go of them. Some of your dreads have become your excuse not to grow and stay as you are. Pain doesn’t mean you are not growing. It often means the opposite. Welcome the pain.

{QUICK PROMO FOR MY HAVANA BC 16-18 DECEMBER. COME ON PEOPLE…}

Fear technology is a simple solution for complicated people. People want to complicate stuff so they can dig deeper into their own paralysis or non-action. As long as you don’t face your deepest fears around women you don’t have to change. Change is pain…for a while. Then you feel liberated because new avenues open up for you.

Pickup is not entertainment. However, I don’t rule out the idea of having fun with my London Crew Reload when I go out. But it is a different kind of fun. We approach some scary situations, some hot girls and we shake the fears and in the process and we have a laugh. But this is a side effect but not a goal in/and of itself. I enjoy this process but I don’t really care whether it becomes fun or not. Not my goal. I don’t think I am a fun guy nor an entertainer. I don’t need to be to get the job done. Actually trying to be something that I am not is the problem, not the solution.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | October 25th, 2011 at 12:06 AM
Using Game To Change How You Feel

I wanted to shed some light with the age old issue of state loss of or lack of it. I have come across plenty of guys on program who seemed to be bent on the “no state, no game” game. It is the usual point of view. A catch 22 where if you have no state your game will suck, and you suck because you have no state.

Relativizing Everything To State. The Perils Of Rock And Roll.


If you live a rock and roll life you will have the problems of such life such as drug addiction, disease infected whores and lunacy. I am sure you don’t want this in your life, that’s why you don’t choose the rock and roll life style.

However, if you choose to live by state or state dependence, then you will have the problems associated with such a life style in the game. The problem here is usually the perfectionist credo of “there is only one good way of doing things”, reminds me of “only one way to skin a cat”. A guy consciously or unconsciously thinks that his way is the right way or no way. So if you have no state, there is no game to be had, and no girl will be attracted so why even try. Or if you feel good people like you more than when you don’t. You are probably right except that people don’t have to like you for you to succeed in this game.

The perils of living under the “state” thumb are that you will have amazingly good nights, and crash nights. When you are not able to crank yourself up to state, then you will have the suckiest nights of your life. It is self-defeating. Your good nights will be few and far between as you get deeper into this rock and roll life style. Your bad nights will increase and corrode your game from inside. Losing motivation, you will be less inclined to go out on nights you feel you are not 100 percent. You see where I am going with this.

Changing How You Feel

If you are a perfectionist or have outcome dependent tendencies, the only way to change how you feel is getting the good stuff, usually, good reactions from females. They love me, they laugh at my jokes, they like me, therefore I am likable=game is good. The opposite is true. If women fail to give me what I long for, then, my game sucks and I am not likable.

If you fall in the above pattern, then you use game to change how you feel. Very dangerous game. Since reality cannot provide all the time what you crave for, women’s validation, then your game is a succession of bad nights with some good ones in between. There will be nights where you will be on fire where other nights you suck. However, good nights will go increasingly scarce because it takes more reactions to make you feel better. Perfectionism or outcome dependence is a progressive disease. What satisfies you as a newbie, will not satisfy you later down the road. I remember when I first got a phone number and an email from a cold approach I was buzzing with excitement. Of course, I was later disappointed when she flaked on me. As I got better, I needed more and more of the good stuff to feel better. Later on in the game, I would not go out when I didn’t feel good because I grew terrified of bad nights. Couldn’t stand them.

Don’t Play This Game

Refuse to buy into the rock and roll life style. Stay away from using game to alter how you feel. Whatever brought you to your present state has nothing to do with game but with life itself. Stop blaming your game when you feel bad too. It is likely you were feeling bad already and you just wanted girls to change that.

Can You Please Change My State?

(Havana BootCamp December 16-18)

I have had this unreasonable request on program long enough to see there is a problem. I don’t have a magic wand to change how you feel. Focus on state creates this problem. It is a symptom not a cause. The cause is believing you can change the way you feel by talking to women. The problem is usually the way you see the problem, not the problem itself. You eliminate the cause you get rid of the problem.

Losing your state or lack of it, is the result of you making others responsible for how you feel.

Unreasonable Expectations

You can’t expect talking to people to provide you with “feel good” vibes. It is usually the opposite. You end up carrying water for others and resenting them when they don’t deliver. In other words, people pleasing or entertaining people will never result in you having a good time. May be for a while but not long term. You will end up exhausted, and yes, out of state.

Low Expectations Of Others

You must march into a club and not expect a lot from people. In fact you don’t want expectations of any kind. Can you control the future? Nope. You will find that people have also very low expectations of you. That evens out the playing field. Nobody has any expectations. This is something I can get behind. Your mental state becomes unmanageable when you rely on things outside your control like people’s reactions.

When your expectations are low, then you will have fun. Why? Anything that happens is a bonus. If they do like me it is ok because I didn’t expect them too, but if they don’t, then I don’t worry about it either because I didn’t expect them too. All I can control is myself. I am very aware that this is not what you want to hear. You want the magic wand. In many ways, I am giving you the magic wand. You need practice for staying within yourself and not lose yourself in how others treat you. Perfect practice makes perfect. Go out and practice the low expectation game and you will see results getting better. You will find that when you get yourself out of the way, things change for the better. Too simple for you. I know. It is not for everybody. You think it is a number’s game? It is not. You want to control the outcome of your nights and I understand it. Short term you think you are in control. But long term you will see the futility of attempting to control what happens in a chaotic environment like a club. Do not confuse this with having no goals in the game. It is not what I mean. If you don’t plan for goals you are planning failure. Your goals must be outside people’s reactions.

I am out. Peace.

PS: I wrote this while waiting for my flight to Barcelona for BC. I have very low expectations of the airline I am flying with. So I won’t be disappointed. But I lie. I knew it was a crappy airline all the way. (Attempted humor)

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | October 31st, 2011 at 7:27 PM
Fake Wheel Attached

People who become outcome dependent in the game remind me of the fake wheel attached to the boat in a children’s amusement park. Every time the kid turns the wheel and the boat goes his way he thinks he is in control of the boat. However, the boat is attached to a rail underwater. The boat will turn anyway in that direction. The boat turns in his mind only!

So you meet guys in the game who think that an interaction changed for the better because of something they did. They stick to those moves with faith and commitment. Every time the boat turns in their direction they think it was them who did it.

My I-Am-Going-To-Get-Laid-Tonight Shirt

Back in the day I had a lot of “peacocked” t-shirts that I thought looked really good on me. They disguised my real age, muscle tone and figure. They made me look better than I was under normal daylight, kind of like skank would dress to look like a hot girl but knowing deep inside she is just a skank. I did the same. I had one t-shirt that I got laid a lot in. So in my mind I thought it was my “lucky” t-shirt. So I would wear it and got laid with it. I chose unconsciously to ignore the times when I wore it and didn’t get laid. Back to the fake wheel attached to the boat metaphor. I was putting my success to a fake turn in the wheel. So do most guys in the game. They put their faith in a move, pickup theory or mindset and attached their faith to it like the fake wheel. If the boat turns they think they did it.

Reality of Interactions

The fact that an interaction changes course or improves has little to do with us and a lot with the particulars of the girl and logistics of the situation, is very liberating. Why? In that sense I don’t have to carry the burden of outcome dependence on my shoulders. It frees me from worrying about “game” and makes me more focus on taking action rather than the result of my actions. It is freeing. It makes you a better person too. It improves your quality of life in the field. It makes you more efficient. However, this is not something most people would like to hear in the pickup industry that thrives on “secrets” to success with women. But it is the truth. Not all the truth.

However, I am not saying here that it is a number’s game because if I did everybody would be getting laid and we know it is not true. You still need pickup education- finding ways to get rid of your outcome dependence is pickup education in itself and requires training, probably more and harder training than reciting a dumb opener or following a tactic. So doing more doesn’t necessarily lead to success. It often means the opposite. However, if you look at things the right way you have better chances than the next guy. If you become outcome dependent –fake wheel metaphor- you really have no chance. Why? You are setting yourself up for disappointment which leads to lack of motivation. You will quit or get frustrated which leads to quitting.

Placebo

I recently read an article that got my attention. It was about how start buttons in the elevators don’t really work or how traffic sign buttons are dummies for the deluded stressed-out pedestrians. They give you a false sense of control. You can push those buttons all you want but the signal changes anyway at a preset time. What an amazing discovery because it works. It gives the human being a fall sense of control so he can relax and go about his business. However, they are just a placebo. A sugar pill.

It was the same back in the day when I was learning openers. I would use an opener many times until the openers started opening solid. Then a light bulb would go in my head saying “of course it works because it has been field tested before by a great number of people”. Nothing further from the truth. I made the opener work. The opener by itself was meaningless without me.

Before I took my first program, I was very inconsistent and I was not getting laid. After my first program, my skill set sky rocketed. Really? Not really. I just got laid more and more frequently. It had nothing to do with skills. I already had the skills. Bootcamp made me feel entitled to get laid. I had credibility now because I had taken a program. In my mind I was going, “Of course, I should get laid because I have taken a program with the best in the world at this thing”. Though the last statement is true, I was not doing things much more differently after program. I just had a belief that “now it is possible”. It works because you think it will work. Not to take any credit out of my instructor at the time, he made me feel it was possible. That was his contribution.

A Bootcamp, Simple Solutions to Complicated Problems

Pickup programs in general operate as a rite of passage more than anything else. It works because you think it will work. Of course, an instructor has accumulated knowledge of having taught thousands of students. So in that sense he knows what he is doing or the right course of action for your problems because it has worked with others. He has field experience and that goes a long way into making the rite work even better.



I used to watch a show on BBC about British women inserted for 2 weeks in a tribe in Africa in the middle of the wild. These women had to adapt to life in the wild for 2 weeks. As you can imagine they absolutely sucked at it. Without TV and western type of distractions for the mind, nearly all of them had a nervous breakdown. They couldn’t stand living in day to day reality. Anyway, the thing that caught my attention was the different ceremonies and traditions those tribes lived by. Specifically how when a boy turned 18 he would become an adult. They had ceremony that it was a rite of passage into adulthood. The boy had to pass an initiation ritual where he would be tested and finally when the tests were passed –they were symbolical, nothing fancy, kind of like a mini-Hero’s journey- he would be turned into an adult and he could go and marry and support his own family, etc. All the tribe, as a community, will be involved in this so that the boy’s brain got the message that now he was an adult. Everybody he knew since the day he was born including people from nearby villages was there with him in this all important ceremony making it valid. After that, the whole village will consider him an adult for all intents and purposes. The sugar pill all over again because he was still a boy at the age of 18. He was not and adult yet.



Same thing happens when a student comes to a pickup program. He goes through different tests and finally he passes them and he is given the rite of passage. However, the rite of passage must be credible otherwise the desired effect cannot be achieved. The boy needs to feel like an adult in the tribe.

Taking Responsibility

(Havana Special Event Promo, watch out…December 16-18/11)


Most guys would not take responsibility for their success. They want somebody else to do it for them. They want the easy way out. They don’t want to go through the tests of the rite of passage. It means taking rejection in the field, trial and error, inconsistent results and so on.

Taking things in your hands implies becoming an adult. Doing your part so you can enjoy success implies a certain level of adulthood. No technique, tactic, opener will do it for you. You must embrace the process with all its consequences. You must pass the test. You must re-enact the ancient rite of passage type of ceremony in your game. Go through the tests and come out victorious.

(Disclaimer: I had to find a way to finish this article, so I apologize for the last paragraph. Anyway it is not like you are paying to read this. But I stand by the rest of my article. I must admit I have a problem finishing things especially when I have to because of the word count. Anyway, hope the rest of it was still useful. )