Tyler durden@RSD samlade artiklar.

[TobiasK]

Tjabba


BY Tyler | January 21st, 2009 at 9:06 AM
A Historic Day Of Transition…The Inauguration Of RSDN 2.0
HEY THERE!!

Welcome to the first incarnation of the new RSD Nation.

The site is a work in progress, and you’ll see that there we’re still working out a few bugs and functionality/usability issues. But we’ve pumped the baby out of the womb and got it functional for you to begin using and enjoying as of today.

Building this site has been a dream of mine since about 2006. There’s a juicy history that’s lead up to where we are now, so I thought that today I would share it with you.

RSD was founded on internet forums. My first ever post on a forum was August 19 2002 under the alias “Tyler Durden” (my real name is Owen Cook – but everyone had these crazy nick names) and the name Tyler has since stuck. Back then most of my posts had a flare for being obnoxious, melodramatic, and somewhat stupid – yes, even more than today. However I was obviously very motivated to improve at this whole “success with women” endeavor, and there were still a few nuggets of worthwhile information mixed in there which allowed me to build a small following.

The so-called “community” was, well, kind of dorky at that time. Almost like something out of a comedy, and most of my bootcamp students were guys that the average person probably wouldn’t be inclined to spend a lot of time around. I was basically one of the loudest and most motivated of that incarnation of the community, and so I became one of the well known cast of characters. Then for about a year in 2005, I moved away from involvement with internet discussions and focused on teaching in real life.

Anyway it was in 2006 that the first version of RSDN launched. We had just put out the DVD/CD program “Foundations” and we threw it up to build hype for the release date, with the web address http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/forum. The site was run on the modest VBulletin that you’ve come to use and love (or hate, if you’re one of those strange fellows who dislikes RSDN but still finds time to read it), and the launch was a resounding……“PLOP!”

There was maybe a day or two with users visiting, and then the discussions sort of dried up. I didn’t really care as I wasn’t very into internet chat forums anymore. But a few months later I was experiencing a sort of “writer’s block” on Blueprint Decoded and found myself making posts there every day.

Soon enough, people started coming because the discussions were getting pretty lively, and we developed the core group that established the culture which RSDN enjoys today. The big thing with RSDN at that time was THE VIBE. The place was super positive and uplifting. Guys like Tim, who typically wouldn’t go near an internet chat forum with a ten foot koala bear, were getting onto the place and engaging in all sorts of cool and value-producing discussions.

To keep the vibe of the forum hot I started moderating it personally. For the first six months of RSDN’s existence I would log on every hour, skim through the posts, and delete anything that resembled the stereotypical internet flaming and trolling. I actually deleted virtually ANYTHING that I thought had a negative vibe, and I would “private message” the users who posted it personally to ask about why they’d been inclined to write something like that. Funny enough, the users whose posts I deleted and talked to personally usually really appreciated it, and would often start offering value to the forum.

As time went on the place evolved. I had the “click” that it wasn’t exactly realistic for me to be moderating the forum personally all day, every day, and brought on a team of moderators. They’ve since done an amazing job, although sometimes people complain, which I think is because they don’t have the ability to talk to the users personally like I used to. Nonetheless I’ve been extremely happy with how the team has kept the place clean and fun to read. I really appreciate these guys tremendously, and if you’re a reader of RSDN, then you do as well, probably without realizing it.

Likewise, we’ve been challenged by influxes of new users. Thousands of people read this place every day, and it’s hard to keep that same core vibe that we built this place on when there are so many new folks getting involved. I’ve been impressed though. Many of the core guys have kept participating here, and many others will leave for a while and then come back to contribute. We also have all sorts of new guys coming on who’ve shared really cool ideas and perspectives. Overall I’ve seen the transition from a smaller and more intimate group to a larger and higher volume forum go as well as I could have hoped for, and I want to thank everyone personally who has contributed to that.

Anyway here we are in 2009, and the “community” has definitely changed. Whether folks are talking about politics, society, or sports, there is always a tendency to look back to the “golden era” when everything was supposedly perfect. This community is definitely like that, in that people will often look back to the “days of yore” when everyone strolled down the streets holding hands and singing pick-up carols. In my personal view, however, I think the community now offers more value to the average user than it ever has in the past. Part of that is the technology, part of that is the streamlining of the ideas, and part of that is the improvement in the quality of users. I guess that view isn’t exactly as “trendy” as the view of folks who like to whine and moan about it, but it’s my honest assessment.

My opinion comes primarily from the people I meet in real life. In my case, that’s the students I work with on bootcamps nearly every weekend. I can say from experience that type of people I’ve met on program has improved very noticeably every single year, and that this has forced me to stay on the ball and continually evolve, in order to stay a step ahead and have anything worthwhile to teach. I look at the last six months of bootcamps I’ve taught, and the students have all been incredibly cool guys. Some are total pimps just taking it because they think it’s hilarious something like this exists, and some are new and inexperienced but with a super positive attitude and an eagerness to learn.

I guess I’m breaking a trend here, and it’s just a lot cooler to talk about how much the community sucks. I mean, if somebody ELSE sucks, then YOU must be cool by default, right? But for me personally, the community has been one of the most important resources that I’ve ever had at my disposal, if not the most important, point blank period. I’d be a very different person today if it didn’t exist, and I think that even the most vocal critics of the community would acknowledge that there is a tremendous value to be uncovered, even if they disagree with many aspects of the culture or inner workings.

For me, this site represents RSD evolving along with the community. As we evolve, the community evolves, and that’s what’s kept us relevant. Evolving to a “new paradigm” means being willing to shed your old opinions about your most important truths, and to look out at the world with a new perspective, similar to a chick cracking out of an egg and looking around with fascination at a new mode of existence. And that’s what we’ve really endeavored to do, both on a personal level, and as an organization.


I’ve chosen to create this new site because I am a believer in what the community has to offer. I think that any set of ideas can earn it’s “15 minute of fame” – but that it’s only once scrutiny sets in that you see if the ideas will survive or die off. This community has evolved through that scrutiny because despite whatever shortcomings there are (and THERE ARE shortcomings), there is still an underlying philosophy that is pretty darned enlightening. And I believe it’s going to continue to evolve, hopefully into the area of relationships, and all sorts of other more advanced areas, because the experience of being a man in modern society is changing, and guys are hungry to share ideas with each other about their journeys.

I know that Papa (Nick Kho – my business partner and CEO of RSD), has felt the pressure from his traditionally Asian parents over the years, to use his education for something “useful” (as you can imagine, they’re thrilled about the whole RSD thing). I’ve also felt the draw to attend law school, as I’d originally intended before taking the “summer road trip” that lead to the creation of RSD, given that I’m turning thirty and potentially looking to start a family. Regardless, both Nick and I have decided to stick it out with this project because we believe in what the community has taught us very strongly, and we love what it does for men and women as a whole.

That, I suppose, is why we’ve continued to put out positive stuff, and to maintain a level of passion for this project: we have CHOSEN to be here. This is the “information age” – and what’s amazing about this project is sitting back and watching how the dissemination of ideas has lead to the evolution of a loosely defined modern philosophy for living life.

I hope you’re psyched about RSDN 2.0. Most of all, I hope you’ll contribute to furthering the evolution of this philosophy. Because I’ve done what I’m capable of to improve it, but there are still a lot of cool areas that can be worked on and developed as a COMMUNITY, and this is a site that we’ve created with the belief that that will continue.

Anyway, that’s a little history on what’s lead to the creation of this site. I’m actually writing this a few hours before the launch, just psyched out of my mind to see that this is finally happening. Thanks for reading it, and welcome to the new RSDN!!!

Tyler

PS: I’ve scrambled last minute to throw up some personal photo galleries, as well as put some old RSDN threads as the “User Articles” just to fill up the home page. But I’m psyched to see you putting up your own stuff. A few of the features are a bit hard to navigate right now, and we’re working to improve the functionality ASAP. Play around with it, you WILL quickly figure it out.

[TobiasK]

BY Tyler | March 15th, 2010 at 5:00 PM
Hey Wise Old Man!! Everything’s NOT Going to Be OK
Heeeeeeeeeeey there, have a seat, how have you been DOING??

I wanted to call you into my office today for a bit of a “serious” talk.

No, nooooo, I’m not going to tell you I want to touch you in your secret place, or pull down my pants and tell you to “open wide”.

(That was my last appointment.)

But I wanted to talk to you about some REAL SHIT that’s pretty significant to me, and that’s taken me years of oftentimes bizarre and intense experiences to go “click” in my head.

The topic for today is………: What I personally believe it takes to become TRULY successful.

I’m not talking on a level where other people give you props and admiration, or where you can give yourself a pat on the back for being a few steps ahead of the “average man”.

I’m talking about a level beyond this: a “zone” of personal pride and self-respect, where you can honestly say you’ve stepped the fuck up to the fullest of your potential abilities.

You obviously know that this exists, and that you COULD get there if you really decided to. It’s just that it’s often tedious, annoying, and inconvenient to summon the motivation to walk the treacherous path.

And why should you?? Why should you keep going further and further, and further and further, to fulfill what you know you’re capable of??

I mean, hey, if life is already treating you pretty agreeably—if you’ve already TAMED that sweet bitch—then why is it even worth your time??

Well your story as a “self-improved” dude: it usually goes something like this.

You start with the realization that the way you’ve been living your life is no longer working.

Maybe it was good for a while, and even served your needs to a certain extent. But you reach a point where it’s become more painful to continue as you’ve been going than it is to make a change.

This prompts you into taking MASSIVE ACTION.

You take on new missions, new ideals. You pursue them with a single-minded focus. All of your day-to-day habits are reconsidered, and everything is shifted to align with your newfound goals.

This forces you into confronting many daunting challenges, internal foes and adversaries. Many weaker parts of your personality are even forced to DIE.

At the end of the day, you realize that the only evils were the ones within: that what you perceived as the enemy outside of yourself was nothing more than an illusory projection of your own limited sense of reality.

Maybe most important of all, you realize that EVERYTHING IN LIFE WILL BE OKAY.

All of the overwhelming challenges that seemed so bad at the time: the universe was secretly orchestrating them at just the right moment, so that you could become the person who you are today.

Then the taste of “ultimate victory”: returning to share the knowledge that you’ve gained.

Joseph Campbell has dubbed this the “Hero’s Journey”— the pattern of human adventure that spans across cultures; where we’re called upon to undertake a perilous journey, locate the necessary mentors and resources, pass a number of difficult tests that transform us, and return home to share the wisdom that we’ve learned.

There’s a sweet and pleasing flavor in this, where you can be a source of strength for other people who are confronted with their own difficult challenges.

And the most important piece of knowledge you can share: that as long as you maintain a positive attitude and unwavering belief that the universe is unfolding in your best interests, you WILL be okay.

Trust that “the universe will provide”. Trust that the difficulties that lie in front of you are an opportunity in disguise, and that as long as you don’t lose sight of these important realizations, everything WILL work out for the best.

But then there’s a problem with this.

Yuuuup, a PROOOOOOOBLEM. Woooooooooooooo!!!

And in fact I’d even say that this problem is so sneaky and insidious, so downright NASTY, that it has the potential to create havoc in the lives of the most intelligent and talented individuals I’ve met.

The problem is that you think THE JOURNEY IS DONE.

You’ve taken on the identity as “The guy who has already made his journey, and is now the source of strength for others.” You freely give advice to people that they need to get outside of their comfort zones, and embrace the tedious and repetitive tasks that are necessary for success in any field, while believing that you no longer need to do the same.

That outside-the-box thinking you used to do?? That hunger to experiment, to be exposed to new situations, to bang out that day-to-day grind??

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaahn!!

It’s been replaced with a more “matured” and “adult” point of view. All that running around like a chicken with your head cut off is for kids who haven’t “made it” yet—not you, wonderful you.

This is, of course, is a load of bullshit, and here’s why.

The “universe” that you trust to “provide” for you is ultimately made up of UNSTABLE ENERGY that is always changing, shifting, and morphing into new forms.

This is the beauty of the universe, and I mean kidding aside, it is fucking beautiful.

What’s especially beautiful about the universe is that it is engaged in endless cycles of creative conception and creative destruction.

“Out with the old, in with the new…”

To believe that your journey is done is NOT to “trust in the universe” but to disrespect it; to stagnate, to rot from the inside out, to disengage with “flowing” forces of life.

SOOOOORRY!!

But again, the delusion that “the journey is done” is a powerful and vicious one. Why??

Perhaps it’s because we believe that in re-assuming the youthful hustle and experimentation, we would somehow be DISRESPECTING the universe—which has clearly taught us that all we need to do is have faith and “everything will work out for the best”.

And maybe it goes even deeper.

Maybe we mentally and emotionally associate the process of taking “massive action” with being a naïve and confused youngster, and it brings back all of those uncertain and confused feelings that we thought we’d long outgrown.

To re-engage with the process also feels like we’re required to forfeit our roles as the “wise dudes who made it” and be condemned to rubbing shoulders with the other youngsters who are still out to “make their mark”.

BLAAAAHHHH!!

So there are not only a number of negative emotions that are associated with admitting the journey isn’t over yet, but a resistance to giving up an “identity” and “social standing” that’s provided a lot of benefits up until this point.

AND YET in spite of all these bad emotions, in spite of how inconvenient and mentally-agitating it is to evolve and hustle…the ever-changing, shifting, morphing universe will eventually come crushing down, even upon the wise old man who believes himself “above the fray”.

The process is impersonal and indiscriminate. Why??

Because ultimately, we are all made up of unstable energy ourselves, and the universe has proven ruthless towards any unstable energy that deceives itself into believing it can “become stable” for too long a period of time.

What I’ve come to believe the “wise old man” fails to understand is this.

Yes, there is absolutely a process whereby if you undertake a journey, and you maintain a positive attitude towards all the nasty shit that comes along the path, all the problems that seemed bad at the time will turn out to be amongst the best things that ever happened to you.

However to gain these benefits for yourself, you have to 1) keep your cool, and 2) actually be on a journey, which involves TAKING ACTION of some form.

The first doesn’t work without the second, as keeping your cool has little benefit without the component of action—which is what the wise old man conveniently forgets.

The universe is a WOMAN who rewards those who ENGAGE with it.

It has a tendency to get all hot and bothered by certain qualities: personal initiative, industriousness, enthusiasm, discipline, concentrated effort, and of course, alertness to opportunities and the courage to act on them decisively.

But the universe is also a bit of a demanding bitch.

From time to time it gets all crazy and hysterical, and demands that you adapt, evolve, and assume new paradigms, ultimately transforming into something better than you are, again and again.

Just like a demanding woman, the universe does this to you because it secretly knows that you can become MORE. And when you have singularity of purpose, willingness to actualize whatever potentials within yourself are needed to reach it, and acceptance that the weaker parts of yourself will have to painfully die, you eventually receive all of the “unexpected and hidden rewards”.

You’ve engaged with the universe, and the universe provides.

How about no action?? No change in your behavior?? No using the road blocks as a force against which to evolve??

Well then you just suck.

There is no “master plan” of the universe to make all of your petty little dreams come true. The universe doesn’t care if you’ve got a cute girlfriend you get along with. It doesn’t care if you have a nice house, or a cool car, or a creative and rewarding job.

It just seemed that way because when you engaged with it, a lot of amazing things happened to occur.

The universe is impersonal.

It rewards those who move in harmony with its proclivities, and it eventually crushes, or PULLS APART AT THE SEAMS any entity that stubbornly “stays the same”. Whether it’s the Himalayan Mountains, the continents, or just some random dude who thinks he’s the shit—it doesn’t care.

There are many, many examples of people who’ve had bad things happen to them. And guess what?

They just got messed up, their lives were worse off, and that was it. In fact that is the majority of people for whom problems arise.

Most people don’t go on to live their dreams—to create their vision, to become the person they want to be, to develop those amazing skills. Mostly they go on to become average, and then rationalize how they never wanted their dreams anyway.

These people aren’t walking their own personal journeys, so when setbacks, frustrations, or even tragedies inevitably arise, they receive no lesson, no personal evolution, no increased “depth of being”.

They just feel pissed off and sad, maybe victimized, and THAT IS IT.

The wise old man who has retired from his journey: he has re-engaged with a similar pattern of stagnation.

Except when bad things happen to him, he rationalizes “This will work out for the best.” And because he doesn’t realize that he’s no longer ENGAGED with the process that spins bad events into personal transformation, his situation gradually gets worse and worse.

It’s like how when you drop a frog into boiling water, he’ll have the reflexes to jump out and save himself. But when you put him in water that’s room temperature and gradually increase it to a boil, he won’t notice and stay right where he is.

This is what so often happens to the wise old man who has walked his journey and now retired to offer advice: a change finally comes up in his life, and he simply FAILS TO ADEQUATELY RESPOND.

“Oh well this sucks. But it’ll work out for the best. I mean hey, I’m ME, and good things happen to me because I have the secret knowledge that if I keep my cool the universe will take care of the rest.”

He’s come to this conclusion from years of watching people freak out and make their problems worse—when if they’d just had faith that “This too, shall pass…” they’d have been better off. But he’s extended the epiphany too far.

He’s now in a headspace where he resonates more with “being chill” than “taking action”.

And when you’re in a zone of “self-acceptance” over “self-improvement”—instead of a healthy balance between the two—it makes sense that anything involving a big fuss to improve your situation won’t resonate with you the way it did “back in the day”.

The pattern is also reinforced by our human tendency to create “personal myths”.

It is healthy and normal that to retain our sanity amidst the chaos of life, we’d be inclined to create our own personal myths.

The belief that the universe is constructed to allow you to achieve your greatest potential is of tremendous value to your morale and spirits, insofar as it makes your mind positive, and frees you from the limitations of self-doubt, discouragement, and indecision.

But the TRUTH that the universe tends to be a friendly place to those people who LABOR TO ACHIEVE their potential is only of benefit to you, so long as it does not become the DISTORTION that it OWES IT TO YOU to do so.

Rome’s myth of itself as an eternal empire was of value as long as it supported the standards that assured its growth and dominance. But when leaders took their own myths too seriously and became more petty, prone to infighting, and lazy than they could get away with, their empire was eventually destroyed.

Britain’s myth as being inherently superior to its colonies benefitted them as long as it had the clout to maintain their subject’s loyalty and compliance. But when the idea of self-government proved to be a stronger motivator than service to a monarch who claimed to be chosen by God, both their economy and global influence were eventually surpassed.

And while America’s myth as “the greatest country on earth” is NOW valuable for maintaining accountability to a higher set of ideals and moral values, it will become a hindrance if it leads to a culture of apathy and entitlement—and likewise, if its citizens come to believe the government is mostly responsibility for their prosperity, as opposed to their own innovations and hard work.

(Obviously the government needs to continually become more stream-lined and effective as well.)

The universe feels no obligation to conform to ANYONE’S personal myth—no matter how sacred, widely-believed, or convenient the myth may be.

Although feelings might be hurt in the process, all beliefs about one’s permanent nature will eventually be proven as false, unless they are adaptable to the constantly changing landscape of WHAT’S REAL.

Of course failure, like success, is rarely achieved overnight: it is the culmination of many small decisions (and consistent execution of those decisions) over an extended period of time.

Failure is a teacher, and one of our most valuable RIGHTS on this earth is the RIGHT TO FAIL.

The right to fail is the other side of the coin of our right to succeed—and it is equally important. We all need to taste failure, again and again, in order to grow up.

However when confronted with failure, we ultimately have two choices.

The first is the strong choice: to look directly in the mirror, to even CRY at our own incompetence and inadequacy, and then proceed to correct our course.

This is what leads to increased happiness over the long term, and as funny as it sounds, over my thirty years of life I’ve been at this point a few times myself.

To look at yourself and recognize, “There is a weak / apathetic / arrogant / fear-based / unfocused side of my personality that’s brought me here,” means that the failure cannot continue forever—and a better future has now become possible.

This requires the ability to look at yourself in disgust for your incompetence, but also the compassion to quickly forgive yourself and move forward.

Of course, anyone can recognize OTHER PEOPLE who’d benefit from a good old-fashioned “self-disgusted cry in the mirror”, but the harder part is admitting you might be in this situation YOURSELF.

This leads to the second choice, which is the weaker one: to create elaborate narratives about how our failure is anyone’s other than our own.

To do so means we forego our right to fail, one of life’s true gifts, and turn our heads away from the lessons that failure is designed to teach us.

Obviously this fritters away an amazing potential, and gives birth to a chain reaction of problems we may fail to predict.

We can be told that we’ll fail for months or years until it finally happens, but if we choose to dodge and weave around the negative emotions instead of allowing them to “sink in” and wake us up, we retreat further into a fictional universe in our minds.

[TobiasK]

This “fictional universe” could involve how other people didn’t give us the support we needed, or how we’ve been persecuted and punished for upholding a higher moral standard. It doesn’t matter, as long as it allows our existing self-image, behaviors, and beliefs to remain undisturbed.

(Leo DiCaprio’s recent movie “Shutter Island” explores this topic—the decision between waking up and admitting we’ve failed, so we can move forward; or “shutting our eyes” and maintaining our pleasant illusions, even if it destroys us.)

Conversely, our fictional universe might be based on some far-fetched “grand plans” that could supposedly solve all our problems in a single bold move.

This is often even more seductive, as it seems more “befitting” to our inflated self-image than the REALITY of success, which often requires tedious and repetitive day-to-day tasks, as well as ongoing risk taking and openness to new thinking, in order to gradually produce the results that we want.

“Why should the wise old man have to hustle like all those gophers that haven’t “made it” yet?? Pfffft!! With this GRAND PLAN I can keep chill-axing without all the crazy drama.”

Grand plans, like blaming easy-to-identify outside forces blocking us, are the beloved distraction of the mind to avoid facing the larger complexity of what’s needed to succeed.

They allow us to dodge, deflect, and procrastinate handling what needs to get handled—as there is no reasoning with someone who believes the small tasks are a “waste of time” and “unworthy” of their amazing potential, just as there is no reasoning with someone who believes they are being unfairly “blocked from succeeding” regardless.

But then why bother dealing with all this?? Why not just live in our own happy little reality, even if we’re not technically as well off in our external lives??

Happiness is subjective, and it’s now common knowledge that the people who’ve achieved the most success are not necessarily the most happy.

I think we can say it’s pretty obvious at this point: when we place our entire focus on winning at one area, we often lose out in the rest of our lives.

Nonetheless, I feel this is also an epiphany that is often extended too far. I’ve seen it stretched, exaggerated, and ultimately distorted from a life-affirming truth into a self-deceiving lie.

It’s pretty rare that I’m exasperated, but it’s often felt like an annoying pet-peeve, as words that have personal meaning and significance to me are taken out-of-context, and used as an excuse for stagnation.

(If there is one consistent pattern I’ve drawn from thirty years of life, it is that underachievers whose lives are NOT balanced, whose results are NOT worth emulating, are compelled to talk about “balance”—just as those who live out of integrity are compelled to judge the integrity of others, deflecting the task of examining their own thoughts and behavior.)

Happiness is not achieved by avoiding what’s meaningful to us, in exchange for an easier, safer, more predictable life. That is particularly the case for a man in his twenties, thirties, and forties, but it is also the case for ANY man who wants to enjoy his life to the fullest.

And while I believe that happiness is in fact our “default state”, and that it is our “inner purpose” to get out of our conceptual worlds and into REALITY long enough to realize it, I ALSO believe that by ignoring our “outer purpose” and creating layers of lies in order to deal with it, we in fact drive ourselves FURTHER INTO OUR HEADS, and away from the reality that could bring us happiness by default.

I remember returning to Hawaii from a three month stint in Brazil and Argentina, and as I returned home from the airport, I spoke to the taxi cab driver about how Hawaii had changed.

At first he spoke about it with enthusiasm, recalling the island when it was more natural and less commercially developed. He’d point out places where he and his wife and friends used to spend time together, and how much fun they’d had “back in the day”.

Initially I admired him for leading an ideal and serene existence—living a happy life with a woman he loved, among friends on a beautiful island paradise.

But as we spoke further, the end result of his existence became apparent.

The taxi driver now lived mostly in the past, and he was noticeably confused. He spoke of how he was miserable and purposeless for the past fifteen years since his wife had died, and how he never wanted to re-marry so he wouldn’t have to go through the pain of loss all over again.

He didn’t understand why people had come and commercialized his island, and why everything had to change when it was perfect the way it was.

While he’d lived decades in a womb of predictable tranquility, he hadn’t become the type of person who could cope with change and find a deeper meaning in loss. He felt only internal resistance and vexation, and lived life in the past in order to avoid the significance of his present circumstances.

Fifteen years of his life, fading away in a haze of bewilderment about what went wrong. Who would have looked at his old life and expected this type of “happy ending”??

Of course, the taxi driver could have had other factors influencing his train of thought in my brief encounter with him—maybe he was in a bad mood. But I take his story as a common sense analogy more than anything else.

From my meeting with him, I walked away with the realization that any fantasies I had about building the perfect life where I was never disturbed was a fool’s paradise.

I realized that the closest I’d ever get to any “paradise” was to engage with the reality that was directly in front of me, with its subtle textures and endless variety, and that the price of admission was to WAKE UP from one’s self-imposed slumber as often as possible, until it became engrained.

And this brings us back to the idea of “true success”. What is it?? How can you explain it??

In my personal view, it can be boiled down to two factors.

The first is the willingness to keep going.

Not “making an identity” from external success and then sheltering your self-image from being challenged, but pursuing the “next level” for the thrill of seeing your highest vision become real.

And the second is the realization that beyond a base level of personal security and amusement, stepping up isn’t about “getting the stuff that you want”, but the decision to become the person you want to be.

Not pursuing challenge to reach a “final destination” and then maintain it, but using it as a means to continually call forth your attention from the confines of the mind, and wake yourself up to higher degrees of awareness and appreciation for your experience.

THESE TWO are what bring you the deeper, more profound levels of contentment in my opinion—as the world is such a rich and astounding environment, and your ability to see it through the lens of one who has achieved the “bigger picture” offers more reward than any material or self-image gratification have with them to provide.

Ultimately, you may require a more complex level of stimulation to be happy in life, or you might find the simpler pleasures to be what turn your crank—it depends on your personality and tendencies, and neither is better or worse.

What’s important however, is your willingness to keep that “candle of awareness” burning bright, because the decision to stop travelling your journey is usually a slow “fading away”.

Not because you accumulate “less stuff” or live a less “glamorous” life…

But because you become less grounded in the world of experience, and increasingly dependent on a fictional realm of ideas, principles, rules, and values as your mode of orientation—and this realm up in your head gradually becomes too disconnected from how the world works, where you stand in it, and what it takes to get things done.

“Well yeah, but, things SHOULD work this way…I think that that’s only reasonable!!”

The “substitute reality” intended to preserve mental energy and make the world simple then becomes a dependency, atrophies your mind and suffocates your spirits, until they flicker out like a candle with plenty of remaining wax, but insufficient oxygen to stay aflame.

You’ve seen this happen to countless people—most OLD folks tend to look like this. But conversely, you’ve also seen older people who exemplify what someone of their experience could potentially accomplish over their years of life.

These are the people to whom the average person would seem gifted with extraordinary talent, but in reality, are mostly just mature adults who KEPT WALKING along their chosen paths.

And so to wrap up, the reason I wanted to speak with you today…………..

It’s my firm belief that life does not have to be hard.

Frantically clasping at outcomes and being addicted to struggle are GREAT for creating an initial momentum, but they are hardly the “be all, end all” of being alive.

There is a natural “zone” that human beings have the capacity to slide into, where the abiding presence of contentment, non-judgmental gratitude for your situation, and seemingly effortless “non-doing” to reach your goals becomes simple and easy.

Focus is in high definition—you process information rapidly and make decisions in a fluid manner, not paralyzed in the analytical part of what you need to do. You’re FAST, because if you’re afraid to fail then you’ll fail, so FUCK IT, you enjoy failure as the sign that the next paradigm needs to be achieved.

You cut through obstacles like a buzz saw: you are hungry and yet complete.

And all this comes from “flow” and “momentum”—the opposite of most people’s concept of success.

The NON successful person is often even dissuaded from taking action when they see this—as their paradigm of happiness is based on “doing the least amount of work for the most possible gain” and their “journey being done”.

The elusive obvious, however, is that the collective wet dreams of winning the lottery, or receiving passive income, or having people who want to be nice to you, or even girls who want to sleep with you, are WORTHLESS GARBAGE if they are not associated with WAKING UP, but falling DEEPER ASLEEP.

The trouble is falling in and out of the realization—because when the lessons you’ve acquired have been hard-earned and allowed you to achieve an initial level of success, the tendency is to IDENTIFY with them and clasp too tight.

OF COURSE IT’S TRUE we have to respect what’s worked for us over the course of our lives, and preserve the essential core of what’s gotten us to where we’re at.

We will enjoy our lives to the fullest, however, by keeping in mind that our TRUE selves are not the lessons that we’ve learned, but the “self” that is not overly self-monitoring or aware of personal myths, and simply creates and perceives.

THAT is the “self” that has the ability to continually evolve, and is coaxed to the surface as you walk along your path………………

Which makes you happy, and is in my current opinion, the essence of your success.

You can sum it up by saying that flow is the essence of life, stagnation is the essence of death, and the journey is the compos that keeps you moving, flowing, and in alignment with a happy, friendly universe that tends to “provide”.

Does this make sense?? I hope it does.

Even if it’s possibly the most ultra-preachy nonsense I’ve ever spewed out of my brain—it’s been brewing in my mind for a few years, and the synthesis of a lot of nonsense and bullshit I’ve come across, as well as positive situations I’ve been fortunate to perceive.

I hope you’ve connected with it and had an entertaining read. I aaaaaam oooooouuuuut of here….HAVE FUN!!

Tyler

[TobiasK]

BY Tyler | May 7th, 2010 at 11:00 PM
How To Make Women Laugh At Your Dumbest Jokes RIGHT NOW (Get Her Attracted To You While STILL Being A Tool....)
Hey there, was saving this for Monday, but hearing rumors about Real Social Dynamics being featured on the front pages of Asylum.com and AOL.com (I'm still in the dark on this -- sounds cool though).

The topic for today: How YOU can get girls to laugh at your dumb jokes, while still being a total tool, and get them attracted to you ANYWAY.

(Take 5 seconds and click on this brand new video right now, the secret will be revealed....)

Anyway this is a very interesting topic for me, because every year I go out regularly and chat up girls, I gain new insights that help me to improve.

My single most helpful insight in 2008 (I always "sort of" got it -- but it REALLY got hammered into my head)...:

The WRONG way that most guys (including YOU I bet) talk to girls...:

1- Say something they think the girl will think is funny.

2- Hope for her to react positively.

3- IF she responds well your confidence goes up, and if she doesn't your game falls apart.

(Basically this is "socially pinging" for the girl to make you feel ENTITLED to be that cool guy she'd be attracted to, instead of being that guy no matter what....)

And then the RIGHT way to talk to girls...:

1- Say something that YOU think is amusing.

2- It pumps YOUR OWN emotional state.

3- By the law of "State Transference" she feels the emotions that YOU feel (about your dumb jokes) and feels attracted to you.

This is incredibly powerful to you because 1) you have a lot more GREAT things to say when it's stuff that YOU like (as opposed to scrambling to think of what she wants to hear), and 2) when there's inevitably a LULL in her reactions to you, your confidence stays high and you carry it through to the "close".

I've also strongly come to believe that in any interaction between yourself and a woman where she's become attracted and thinking of going home with you, the "deciding factor" will be when she WITHDRAWS attraction for a few minutes, and observes how you'll react.

If your confidence stays high and you are indifferent (like you're just having the same fun on your own as if she's there -- you LIKE her but it's all the same to you), then she decides that you're the "real deal".

OTOH if she can see that you need HER to be that fun, cool guy that you're projecting yourself as, then she figures that even though you're entertaining that she still doesn't want to become totally intimate with you on that level.

In my opinion, a guy who has this down REALLY WELL is Alexander~ of Real Social Dynamics. He's definitely BOTH a massive tool, and very self amused.

(Check out this video right now -- it's just a tidbit that Ryan shot on a crappy camera of Alex~ grabbing and making out with a cute French girl -- but as you watch it, imagine whether or not he'd STILL be having fun even if she wasn't there....)

Alright so go out and try this TONIGHT.

Actually RIGHT NOW if there are any women around that you can talk to. Report back with your results.

Have fun!!

Tyler
http://www.rsdhotseat.com

Oh and PS:

To experience a FULL DAY of highly educational, high definition hidden camera "infield footage" that will reveal reality-shattering secrets about EXACTLY how the sorts of things you just read about in this article are done by the most seasoned veterans in the world -- click over to http://www.rsdhotseat.com.)

If for any reason you haven't seen this video yet, you NEED to see it. If you've seen it and haven't internalized it yet, I recommend you watch it again.

[TobiasK]

BY Tyler | May 27th, 2010 at 5:34 AM
The "Work Ethic & Will Power" Article -- Not Dating Related, But YOU Related
(NOTE: This article is NOT on the topic of success with women, but the topics of will power and self actualization. In fact I’d go as far as to say that dating is more about having FUN than working hard, so don’t try to interrelate the two. Work ethic only comes in when you’re going through tough times, and you keep going out regardless—anyway onto the article!!).

Soooo, I’ve just come off one of the most challenging “work periods” of my life.

Six weeks, sixteen to twenty hours of work per day. I knew it was coming for the past few months but sort of blocked it out. Then it came.

(Incidentally I’ve just had a few days off, and tomorrow I’m off to Las Vegas to teach Free Tour / Hot Seat / Bootcamp for for Memorial Day weekend. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED that you attend if you can figure out a way to make it happen, it’s going to be fucken WILD!! – http://www.rsdfreetour.com / http://www.rsdhotseat.com / http://www.rsdbootcamp.com).

Anyway the big jobs were launching the Hot Seat, which is always a challenge, and then of course travelling around to teach the Free Tour, Hot Seat, and Bootcamps.

Product launches always are always a challenge. If you caught me on a bad day I'd say I hate them, but when thinking more clearly and with more perspective, I have a bit of a different view..

Usually a product launch involves Nick and I taking out a loan of a few hundred thousand dollars that we don’t have, and then I have a month to prepare enough marketing and promotional materials to try to “break even” on it within the first month (to pay back the loans).

If I fail to break even, well, I’m not really sure what would happen. It would be bad, so I walk through life with a low level anxiety during the entire process.

The nastiest one was Blueprint Decoded. I swore after that after that one I was done, but then I did Flawless Natural because I wanted to use the short window to work with Tim. After that I said I was “absolutely done” and didn’t do another one for a year until Nine Ball, which was far lower pressure due to it being a book and not a DVD (far lower production costs to recoup on those).

With the Hot Seat the production costs were only the video editors and the website designers (well in addition to the camera gear to record the footage). Still a decent amount, but no need to take out loans or get all stressed out.

A launch is a lot like being a caveman stalking an animal for a month before you kill it. You’re far away from the comforts of home (which is ironic because you’re AT HOME…but you have too many deadlines to enjoy it) and if you just keep going you’ll eventually kill the fucking thing.

Generally I find that the first few days to be the toughest, and then your brain adapts by entering a sort of “work zone” where you’d actually rather work than have fun. You actually lose the ability to have fun temporarily. Your adrenaline system kicks in and all you want to do is work.

The hard part I find is the lack of sleep. At first I get cranky and frustrated, but then the brain sort of “accepts it” and operates at about 70%, but “full-go” all the times. It gets weird when you wake up a bit early (like if you get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night) and your adrenaline kicks in and all you want to do is work.

Oftentimes I found myself waking up in the middle of the night during launches and not being able to get back to sleep. I’d just get up and start back onto it after only 3 hours of sleep, and then my girlfriend would wake up and ask why I’m up. Obviously she wasn’t too thrilled because she’d been deprived of sex for a few weeks as well.

This recent Hot Seat launch was interesting because of the way it came about.

The launch day was May 5th, and then the New York Free Tour was May 6. I stayed up all night to do the last bits of the launch, and then was hoping to catch at least 3 hours sleep before flying to NYC for the Free Tour. Didn’t happen—I just finished the launch, came back from the internet café (I don’t keep internet at home as it’s a time killer) and then packed and flew out to NYC. I don’t sleep on planes so I was stuck in this sort of weird half-daze.

I arrived in NYC and caught maybe 4 hours of sleep, then woke up and went in to do the Free Tour. I was expecting maybe 100 people, but the promotion I’d been doing caused it to fill up to 330 people. I’m half out of it, looking at the big crowd and thinking “These people don’t want to hear excuses.”

The Free Tour I did in NYC was really high quality. Everyone seemed to really enjoy it. I’ll be uploading some videos of it pretty soon (check back next week).

Then immediately after the tour I shot into Bootcamp with Brad. We ran the bootcamp Thursday and Friday night, and then I did the NYC Hot Seat on the Saturday, and another night of bootcamp that ran until 7AM.

The next day was my first day off in over a month. I’d been psyched about it, saying “Sunday after Hot Seat…Sunday after Hot Seat…” the entire launch. My plan was to watch Iron Man 2, but it turned out not to be all that great in terms of the lack of storyline (Robert Downey Jr. and the effects were as cool as always though).

What was weird was that during the week when I finally had a chance to get 8 hours of sleep, my adrenaline was still kicking and I couldn’t sleep for more than four or five hours. I’d wake up every morning and think “Damn I hope I slept 8 hours…” and it would always be too early. Regardless I kept everything moving, as I was accustomed to it at that point.

Next I was off to Washington D.C. for another Free Tour and Hot Seat. I had the weekend off of Bootcamp because I was attending an Entrepreneur’s Summit Series with Bill Clinton, Russell Simmons, Ted Turner, etc. The owners of the event have all taken bootcamps and used what they learned to build the business they’ve now created, so they invited me to speak at their event.

(http://dc10.summitseries.com/events/dc/growth)

It was a bit unnerving to be walking around all those high profile entrepreneur’s so dazed and cranky. I trained myself to just NOT THINK. I knew that whatever thought I had would be bullshit and negative, so I just never allowed myself to think. Mostly I’d just respond.

I was equally nervous about the speech, as I still couldn’t get any damned sleep, but it turned out to be hilarious and awesome. The microphone went out and so I had to speak the entire time with crackling static at the back of the room, but I had a great time regardless.

The whole thing was funny as hell, as it was all high profile business owners in the audience, as well as women. I was totally obnoxious and unapologetic but gave content that was undeniably solid. The women seemed to enjoy it more than men—most of them approached me afterwards and were totally psyched about it.

(Obviously the infield footage clips I showed were pretty shocking, because if you don’t come from the pickup community then it’s hard to believe that something like that is possible.)

The D.C. Hot Seat was a tough one because I started off the day cranky as all hell. I was stumbling around with the chords and gear to get everything going, and it put me behind by half an hour. I found myself sounding bitchy and frustrated at the start of the day—I could FEEL myself acting this way and yet felt powerless to stop it. I felt paranoid, like the audience thought it sucked or something. My brain was playing tricks on me because it wasn’t true.

I kept the event going until past midnight to make up for it, and found that if I pushed myself “into the zone” that I was able to become cheery and happy after the first few hours. I think the students were kind of lucky that I started off cranky because I wound up giving so much extra time to make up for it, out of personal standards to run only an awesome event.

Finally on Monday morning I had nothing to do in Washington D.C. until my evening flight, so I visited Congress and the Lincoln memorial. I started crying when I saw the big statue of Lincoln because it reminded me of the sheer willpower that it took to accomplish what he did, and how what I’d done was very little in comparison.

I got home and saw my kid, and then I felt this weird desire to just get more things done. I decided to take at least 3 days off and “do nothing” – just sit there staring at my kid. But it felt weird, like I couldn’t sleep properly or relax. I felt angry and confused that he’d grown so much while I was gone, and that I’d missed it (kids get like 1/3rd bigger every few weeks at that age).

At that point I realized that I’d “thrown my system out of wack” and that I needed to be adamant about taking more time off. After around four days I finally started to sleep 7 or 8 hours through the night, and since then I’ve felt more normal.

What I found cool about all this was that I’d planned it in advance, because I wanted to see what I was capable of. Really I sort of just rationalized it because I had certain deadlines that I wanted to make, but I thought it would be cool to work on improving my “work ethic”.

I think that a well developed work ethic is so valuable, because when you can cultivate it you can basically write your own ticket in life. Whatever you want you can have it, as long as you’re willing to work for it.

Many of my goals for the future will require a lot of long hours, and my goal is to learn to ENJOY what I’m doing as much as possible. Most of your life will be spent working, so you’ve got to find a way to find the fun in the process, not just the result.

I think I enjoyed a lot of it, but there’s a certain point where the brain just basically burns out. I could feel myself oftentimes feeling randomly sad for NO REASON, or feeling like I wanted to cry totally irrationally. My life was totally fine and perfect, but because my brain had been overtaxed it was trying to force me to slow down. Again, this is why it’s important to NOT THINK. Just “be present” as they say, don’t listen to what your brain is telling you because it will be self-defeating.

Conversely, I also believe that we should LISTEN to our bodies, and that if our brains tell us to slow down we need to listen. But I ALSO believe that you need to push your limits at certain times in order to make gains. As much as I’m describing what I did as being difficult, I also found many of my past work periods to be tough at the time, whereas right now I could do them standing on my head.

The reason they’d be easy for me now is because I’ve forced my brain to adapt. This work period would be considered no big deal at all for a lot of people, like young doctors doing their residency, or a young lawyer being bitched around by his seniors, or a coal mine worker from the 1800’s. It was only tough for me because I wasn’t adapted to it yet. And if I had to do it again, it would just significantly easier and less taxing.

In the meantime I have another 10 or so cities left in the tour, where I’ll be doing the Free Tour, Hot Seat, and Bootcamp every weekend (this is my last travelling tour for a long time so definitely come check it out—the events have been better than Blueprint or anything I’ve ever done). Then I have the World Summit coming up in August, and a few other projects I want to finish as well.

I’m about 2 years away from finishing everything I need to finish for RSD, and then I can focus on the self development company I want to build. I believe that with the abilities I’ve cultivated in public speaking, the quality of the content, and the strong work ethic, I could potentially do something really awesome and worthwhile.

(Then again, many scientists believe modern society has no future, so it may wind up an exercise in vanity and nothing more. But I try to stay optimistic.)

Mostly I’ve viewed RSD not as a business, but more as a combination between a philanthropy for people who want to learn game and an MBA (although ironically it will probably grow massively because I have the attitude of “What can I offer??” rather than “What can I get??”. Basically I’ve learned to cultivate the qualities that it takes to be successful in any endeavor by the age of 30, and I feel empowered and fortunate to be in that position.

I’ve never viewed what I’m doing as “work” in the way most people do. It’s all training for the next thing. EVERYTHING you do is training for the next thing. EVEN WASHING THE DISHES IS TRAINING FOR THE NEXT THING.

So in conclusion, ask yourself this…:

At your work, do you try to do as much as possible, or as little as possible??

If it’s the most possible, then how has it benefitted you? But more importantly, for the majority of you who do the least amount possible, how will you possibly be successful in life without cultivating a strong work ethic over many years??

(And spare yourself the bit about how you’re going to work a four hour work week and join the “new rich” unless you’ve actually already produced that result. Tim Ferris was at the event, and said himself that nobody really does a four hour workweek, it’s just an extreme example of what’s possible in a few isolated instances.)

In my experience, cultivating a work ethic is a similar feeling to when you lift weights. As you gradually get bigger and stronger, you look at the majority of people who are frail and weak and you think, “Damn it would SUCK to be in that position…To have that lack of personal control over your own physical safety and health and mobility…”

Similarly, when you have a well-developed work ethic and you look at people who get all cranky and flustered when they have to put in a few hours, you think “Damn the lack of control would suck…So many possibilities in the world and this person will never achieve them, because they think the path is to do the least amount possible for the most possible gain. They don’t realize that a work ethic needs to be cultivated over time, and that if you don’t have it you’ll rarely achieve anything worthwhile.”

Anyway that’s my thoughts on my recent experiences. Obviously it’s just subjective opinion, and other people would have very different views.

As of now the projects are done, the result is something I’ll benefit from for years going forward, and I’m left with a renewed confidence that I could do literally anything I put my mind to doing.

I think that while these experiences wear you out for a while, they also build up a lot of personal belief that you can undertake goals that will take longer periods of time. And as you knock down bigger and bigger goals, the sky becomes the limit in terms of your possibilities.

It’s not the delusional “Entourage” TV show reality of “getting paid for being cool” that people seem to dream about these days, but there’s periods in between the hustle where you really DO get to live the type of fantasy life that most people will never get to experience.

See you soon!!

Tyler

Var inte för passiv!
This is for anyone who isn't getting the results they want. For anyone who isn't pulling the type of girls they want to pull. For anyone who gets blown out way too much and goes home feeling bad.

You just CARE too much.

You GIVE A FUCK if the girl talks to you.

It would make you feel GOOD if she'd just be NICE.

And DAMMIT you're going out to meet girls and what's wrong with that? Why can't people just be friendly to one another? Why can't people treat one another with respect?

Here's why...

It's not like YOU are going up to all these physically UNATTRACTIVE girls and wanting them to like you. You're going up to HOT girls and wanting them to like you. THEREFORE YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN THE GIRL WHO BLOWS YOU OFF BECAUSE YOU'RE RESPONDING TOWARDS VALUE AS WELL. So stop being all mad and taking it personally that girls aren't nice to you because everyone just does what they do and there's no need to judge it -- simply make the choice to become happy in your own skin.

Girls (fully unconsciously...not consciously AT ALL...) want the guy who is already getting laid, already has tons of girls chasing him, needs absolutely nothing from her. Yeah he's attracted to her and thinks she's hot but ultimately he really doesn't give a fuck -- there's just too many hot girls and he's overstimulated and oversexed regardless.

The fact that you CARE if she talks to you or not signals to her that you aren't one of those guys. You're the guy who is NOT getting laid by hot girls. You're the guy who OTHER GIRLS DO NOT LIKE AND THEREFORE *SHE* SHOULD NOT LIKE.

So how do you stop?

Build social momentum, lifestyle momentum, and sex life momentum.

If you're a newbie who SUCKS because YOU CARE if girls are nice to you........then you may wanna start SMALL and then BUILD IT UP over time.

Go out and make out with a cute fat girl who is willing. It's easy just walk up and start yammering away as you put your face close to her, she'll giggle that you're doing it, and keep trying to make out with her as you blather away and she giggles until she's cool with it.

It may not be something to write home about, but let's be real here, if you're a newbie who isn't pulling girls you'll feel a boost in your emotional state.

[TobiasK]

Then use that to make you not give a fuck on a girl who is a lil more attractive. Make out with her too. Then use this emotional state to NOT CARE as you go around the venue talking to lots of people, and BECAUSE YOU DO NOT CARE people will start being a lot nicer to you because they respond to the "high value" of you "just being yourself" -- ie: having your own fun and not giving a fuck.

As the night progresses keep building up your emotional state. And because you've built your own emotional state you simply DO NOT CARE. All you want to do is have so much fun and amuse yourself, talk to lots of fun people, have a great time.

Then go up to the hottest girl in the club. Do exactly what you did on the fat girl and okay cutie girls. Makeout with her too. Yell and scream at her. Say "You're done get the fuck out of here! You're done in this town get the fuck out!" Then let her walk away confused and pull her back "Fight for me girl! I'm worth it! Don't have an ego about this! Fight for me!"

Take her to the corner and makeout with her more, stimulate her if she's okay with it and seems to like it, then drag her home and fuck. Do this every single night for a month with varying degrees of success -- sometimes you ride the wave of awesomeness and pull a few nights in a row, sometimes you hit a rough patch because as your self image starts to view you as this new awesome guy with girls you START TO CARE AGAIN AND THEREFORE SUCK.

Use this momentum building in your life as well. Build up your body and health and feel more and more awesome. Build up what you're doing at work so you feel more and more awesome. Do meditation every day and feel amazing and more amazing. Have fun and have fun friends, date the girls you want to date, read great books and enjoy life.

As you do this more and more, you build ABUNDANCE and therefore are a ROBUST individual as opposed to a FRAGILE one who posts threads on RSD Nation about how you can't get laid and you think it's because you're depressed or because of your looks. Keep working at it until you get it. Don't worry if you hit a rough patch just allow yourself to go through it and allow it to help you lose your attachment to people being nice to you. Then as you continue on it just gets better and better, and now you can offer value to OTHER PEOPLE because your'e just a cooler individual who is happy in his own skin and who people love and respect.

Over time you realize.......it doesn't even matter if you're getting laid a lot or not because that will come and go, but you can feel the sense of abundance and inner happiness just by being present to the moment and feeling the joy of this brief life. And then you no longer rely on this type of momentum as much. In the meantime though study the articles and videos RSD puts out and all that, and take massive action simultaneously to build up the shit out of your personal momentum -- keep improving at the ART of ENJOYING LIFE.

Try it!! Have fun!! Let me know what you think!!

[TobiasK]

BY Tyler | November 8th, 2010 at 8:48 PM
Tyler's New Written Article: Getting Aligned On A Deep Level To Succeed In Modern Life. Do YOU Have What It Takes??
(Boston Free Tour & Hot Seat this Thursday and Saturday. My first time in BOSTON -- if you live in anywhere nearby come hit up Jeffy and I at these mind-blowing events!! http://www.rsdfreetour.com / http://www.rsdhotseat.com. San Diego & San Francisco are on deck!!)

Arrrrghhhhh, fuuuuuu, DAMMIT!

Been scrambling since last Wednesday to cook up the new Free Tour 2 page, lock down the dates, build the new site, and cut together the new bonuses. It was down to the wire and ultimate victory was at hand -- but woke up this morning with the 2 hour bonus video having failed to upload the way we wanted it to.

(All this should have been nailed but Askmen requested a new video on yet another "stay up all night" deadline. My team and I attempted to squeeze in the additional 20 hours to produce it along with the time we needed to prepare the new Free Tour 2, but we didn't leave room for any mistakes.)

Anyway to keep you amused in the meantime I threw together a new article for you.

It's a little rough around the edges -- sort of spit it out "off the dome". Thought it would be fun however, because there were responses in the last article that encouraged me to do some writing like back in the day.

(And btw -- be sure to check back THIS WEDNESDAY for the mega launch of the new Free Tour 2. This is literally the most extensive series of events I've ever done in RSD, and you will be titillated and intrigued by what is revealed. Wednesday IS *YOUR* DAY!!)

ARTICLE STARTS...............NOW.

=======================================>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hey good morning!! I thought I’d talk a little bit about the struggle to get done what you want to get done, because people often ask me about it.

In modern life I think we have a bit of a conundrum, because our emotions and instincts that have evolved over millions of years to help us are oftentimes giving us IMPULSES to act in ways that screw us over.

For example I always figure that as a caveman if you had shelter, a big stash of food, and a comfy bed, your instincts would probably have told you “Now it’s time to rest…” You wouldn’t have had much reason to get up and do anything other than play with your kids or joke around with your buddies, because there weren’t really any ways of “getting ahead”.

Nowadays it’s different because it’s the man who can ignore instant gratification (ie: your emotional impulses) and FOCUS ON THE BIGGER PICTURE who is able to get ahead.

And DAMMIT can a guy who has this ability ever create a fun life in this day and age. I mean it’s absolutely insane what an awesome existence you can achieve for yourself if you can simply master the art of “delayed gratification” and working towards a larger goal.

(Personally I think it kinda sucks it works this way, because so many good people can't handle it, but it is what it is!!)

That being the case, the way I see it is that the art of modern life is re-aligning your emotions and instincts to “get on your team” and help you to accomplish your greater purposes in life. This is important because it means that you can experience the happiness of the caveman, while enjoying the benefits of modern day living.

To do this is really a struggle through your twenties and early thirties. And it really is VERY tough for a lot of people, definitely me in particular, as I’ve really struggled with it.

In my case I’ve had A.D.D. (attention deficit disorder) as well as being a night owl. That means that back in the caveman days I probably would’ve been the crazy caveman who “thinks outside the box” to find food and shelter, and then was insane enough to run down a Woolley Mammoth and kill the damned thing. Then at night time I would’ve been the weirdo who stays awake at night time and warns the group about a leopard about to eat one of our little babies.

Sounds cool right??

Well in modern society, it just means that I was the kid who had a hard time concentrating on math and science for hours at a time in a stuffy classroom, and who was half-dazed through the first half of the day because school started at 8AM and it was running against my sleep pattern.

For guys like me, having a job or business that accounts for this isn’t an option, it’s mandatory. In the typical work world I’m just a delinquent who has a hard time following the rules and not questioning authority I don’t agree with by my own judgment. But in the right environment I’m the guy who finds solutions for problems that other people can’t solve, the guy whose willing to take risks, etc etc.

This is pretty crazy when you think about it, because it means that we have so many people in this world who could contribute so much value, and yet because they haven’t “found their niche” they walk around believing they’re lazy or stupid. They wind up being failures or even stuck on welfare, basically just draining the system, as everyone thinks “Oh well, some people just suck, that’s just how it is…”

Even crazier is that most of these people are honestly deeply depressed by their inability to get their act together. You see this on RSD Nation forums at least once a week, where somebody will post up “I just don’t care enough to go out and learn this stuff. I don’t know why, I just don’t see the point.”

The fact that they’re taking the time to post about it means there’s part of them that is deeply saddened that they can’t marshal the motivation to go out and improve, and yet another part of them that really doesn’t care. They’re in conflict with themselves, and the part of them that DOES care is going to be super disappointed that it didn’t “happen for them” over the next few years.

Many people wind up having to “rationalize” their lack of results, either blaming the system or other people or even people who want to help them like RSD (“It’s all about looks! Pickup can’t work!” etc.) What’s really bad about this is that the more they have to rationalize, the more disconnected they get from reality, and that’s why so many people in their thirties and forties in our society are just unhappy and overall burnt out.

They live in some weird pseudo-world of rationalizations for why their lives don’t look the way that they envision is possible for themselves, then become bitter or haters or grumblers or whatever. What’s bad is that this type of mindset makes it basically IMPOSSIBLE for them to pull themselves out of it, because to move forward they’d first need to unwire a tangled web of bizarre beliefs up in their heads.

In my own case the way I’ve dealt with this is NOT being afraid to confront negative-emotions. When I feel a negative emotion I try to look at it as a SIGNAL that my unconscious mind is “recognizing a pattern” that something isn’t correct. It’s trying to get me to focus on something I did wrong, and implant an emotional anchor to ensure that I don’t do it again.

To my way of seeing it, your twenties and thirties is basically a time to go through that process. My goal has been to try my very best to get things done, and then when I screw up to ALLOW those negative emotions to sink in and correct my behavior.

My view is that the difference between “healthy negative emotions” and “unhealthy negative emotions” is this…:

Healthy negative emotions:

-Directs your focus to patterns in your behavior that are allowing problems to occur, which otherwise you wouldn’t want to look at.

-Makes you feel bad UNTIL you make the proper adjustments so that the problems don’t keep happening. Once it’s fixed the negative emotions immediately GO AWAY.

-Etches the lessons you got from the problem deeply into your brain, so that you learn from the experience and benefit from it (the pattern that allows problems to happen becomes emotionally relevant to you, and you gain instincts not to let it happen again, like not putting your hand on the hot stove).

Unhealthy negative emotions…:

-Are unfocused and generalized, not really at anything in particular. You then have to rationalize why something is “making” you feel then way when in fact you’re probably just addicted to being in this state of mind.

-Usually blames other people and isn’t focused on your own role in the problems.

-Builds up stress chemicals (like cortisol) in your system, and rather than helping you to recognize patterns that are causing problems, actually mess up your memory and emotional balance.

Anyway my general view is that to be successful, you have to have a very strong “internal locust of control” (as they say in psychology). That means that you view yourself at the CAUSE of everything in your life, never at the EFFECT.

That doesn’t mean to brow-beat yourself if something happens that’s beyond your control, but it means that you’re very good at quickly “getting over” what you can’t control and focusing on what you CAN.

(So in a way there’s a bit of cognitive dissonance. If someone asks you “Are you fully in control of your own destiny?” the answer is always “YES”. But if some meteor lands and someone said “Well could you control THAT Mr. Smart Guy?” you’d probably answer “Yeah whatever, what I CAN control is the following…” and then you’d immediately be focused on what’s in your ability to improve.)

From this basic foundation, the setbacks, impediments, and screw-ups in your life then become a set of learning lessons. Through your twenties and thirties you basically just take on various goals and missions that you want to achieve, continually challenge yourself and “lean into your edge” (as David Deida would put it) and then as the bullshit continually mounts up, you basically just learn, learn, learn, and learn.

This is a lot like a little baby learning to walk, or a five year old learning to read, or a teenager trying to get good at a sport. It’s basically just the “continued development” that you are SUPPOSED to experience in your twenties and thirties, which allows you to keep maturing and evolving as a human being.

In my opinion one of the downsides of modern society is that comfortable and predictable jobs really wind up robbing people of this experience, and yet there’s really no solution to it because the average person isn’t going to CHOOSE to have to go through all this, despite that it would be in their long term advantage and make them happier overall.

So in a lot of ways our society winds up being this amazing growth environment for the people who choose to continue growing as human beings, or oftentimes who are inadvertently forced into it by their life circumstances (they feel like they’re unlucky at the time, and then later say “I wouldn’t change any of it because it made me who I am…”. But for people who either lack this awareness or aren’t forced into learning it, modern society winds up being this insanely effective STAGNATION environment, where people are more capable of stagnating and sinking into lameness than ever before.

(It’s just too difficult for many people to overcome their caveman instincts that tell them “Fridge is full, got a comfy bed, time to chill out…” Then as they fail and fail they become depressed, the pattern gets so deeply engrained that it’s easier to indulge in diversions to take their minds off it, like television or video games or internet or gossiping/hating or getting drunk/taking drugs, etc.)

This is why to become the person you’re capable of becoming you need to take on some purpose or other. The reason you have the purpose is (by a way of looking at it) to TRIGGER problems to happen, which then forces you to adapt and grow. You think you’ve taken on the purpose to reach a certain goal that would make you happier, but in reality it’s through the journey that you grow and evolve. Obviously you want to avoid problems as much as possible, but that’s only because so many of them will happen regardless.

Of course all this probably doesn't sound very appealing. Like "Really that's what you'd call GOOD??"

But the more profound amusement that comes from this is BECOMING AWESOME -- just being able to lay back and be like “Dammit I’m fucken awesome. OH YES.” From this paradigm you don’t have the same need for diversions (not that you can’t enjoy them once in a while) because just being WHO YOU ARE is THE ULTIMATE SHIT.

In the long term there’s also a very powerful spiritual component, where this gives you a richer inner world, because it forces you to become more “non-resistant” and realize that there’s ultimately no purpose to ANYTHING.

At first as you’re on some mission or other you gain success, and then you think you’re a big shot and identify with it. But most people who experience this will also experience the LOSS of this success, and then regain it, and lose it again. And through this process you come to realize that “who I am” is ultimately beyond success or failure, and that the journey only exists for the journey’s sake.

(This is difficult for people who are just starting out to realize or find motivating, and in fact they often find it DE-motivating, because they haven’t evolved to that paradigm yet. They’re like “Well if there’s no point to doing any of this, then forget it! I’m just going to suck! YEAH!” But for people who are in this paradigm, it is VERY motivating and powerful as an incentive to go further and further.)

Anyway all this is a continual process of alignment and re-alignment. Moving forward, hitting walls, and realizing that you can’t solve the problem you’ve reached with the paradigm or level you’re at, so being forced to CHANGE in order to keep moving.

At the end of the day you just have to PICK something that’s of interest to you, and go at it. There’s nothing that’s going to magically summon you to it, you have to GIVE the passion to this thing. The passion comes from YOU.

It’s not an issue of being “stimulated” and “tickled” by this thing. It’s the decision to find something that on a level you’re obviously very into, and then bring the juice and life to it YOURSELF. Then as you move forward with it, you realize the benefits of the continued growth that it’s bringing into your life, and the passion for it amplifies, deepens, and improves.

People walk through life waiting to be stimulated, waiting to be called into something that wakes them up out of their slumber. When it doesn’t happen for them they rationalize it and blame anyone except themselves.

But at the end of the day your life is very short and will pass you by if you aren’t attentive to it. You obviously KNOW that there’s a right choice and a wrong choice to make in life, so you just have to do the best you can to make the right one as often as possible.

Willpower isn’t something you cultivate overnight, and we’re usually only really “awake” and able to make conscious decisions a small percentage of the time. With personal effort and growth that small percentage grows like a seed into a big giant tree, willpower becomes easier to summon, and conscious decisions become easier to make.

It’s a lifelong process, and it’s a journey to be walked, not talked about, rationalized, or excused. Make the choice to live it and you’ll pay a price, but you’ll also be rewarded with a rich, interesting, and profound existence. As ever short as it may be.

Have fun!!

Tyler