Nybliven singel?

[golvmopp]

Copypastar här en post jag skrev på bb.com's forum. Enjoy.

So yeah, an 18-month relationship ended yesterday for me and catapulted me into singlehood. I'll spare everyone of the details, as the purpose of this post, more than anything, is to act as an open letter to myself where I'll be happy if anyone finds something of worth in my internal-dialogue-made-public.

Coming to terms with the situation
I liked her a lot, and she certainly had an abundance of unicorn-qualities that you definitely are hard pressed to find in girls today. That being said, a lot of the emotional pain I feel is related to the fact that I'm still thinking of the rosey parts of the relationship, and how stark the contrast is to what it's devolved into. If there's one thing to take away from this, it is to wake up and smell the ashes - those old parts may be nice to put in a frame and hang on your wall of memories, but it's entirely irrelevant to the current situation.

This following part is not applicable to me - I'm hurting, but fully aware that my relationship is now a permanent goner - but might serve as a sober reminder to those that still harbor hopes of reeling their girl back in. Here goes: once she's gone, that's it. The healthiest thing is just to accept the separation, regardless of how much it hurts, and be done with it. If you proceed to hound her in hopes of getting back together, whatever relationship forms out of that "reunion" it will always be an inferior bastard mutant offspring of what you once had, forever tainted by the fact that you came crawling back. That is a fact that will always be the bottom line in the new relationship, and her image of you will be shaped accordingly. What once might have been a graceful split will fade as a new image of you - a coward that crawled back to the safe confines of familiarity instead of taking a new world on - is slowly suffocating whatever positive feelings she might have had for you when you broke up. Just let it be and let the relationship die a graceful death.

Bear in mind that a girl will almost always keep contacting you after the break-up for a multitude of reasons. It could be that she genuinely cares, that she wants to gloat under the guise of caring, or that she feels just as lonely and lost as you. Do not take this as an invitation to get back with her, as it will inevitably lead to what I described in the above paragraph. Also, don't fake a response unless you're feeling beta as fuk - trying to look way ahead of the curve is just try-hard and not good form if you're working to be a genuinely better person. (Ties in with paragraph below)

Bouncing back
This definitely applies to me. Bit of a backstory to go with it: I was bullied as a kid. Fact of the matter is that I never really was part of the in-crew, regardless of whether it was kindergarten or high school. The bullying stopped after junior high, but I never really found myself confident in my own skin, socially speaking, until a couple of years ago. This has coloured my personality in that I have a disgusting need for validation that I'm trying to root out, but the way this ties into this post - and where others might find something of use - is the following: especially in the case of a break-up, there's a huge urge to prove something. In this case, chances are that you feel an overwhelming desire to show your former girlfriend that you get on perfectly well without her by spamming your Facebook with idiotic statuses about getting jacked, scoring with chicks, having a night out with the boys, whatever.

This mindset is poison.

You're defining yourself and your actions by the reaction you elicit from someone. It is a fundamentally unsound way to live your life when your self-image is directly correlated to someone's opinion of you, regardless of you're trying to achieve. Alas, "disregard everything, acquire aesthetics" is such a deceptively simple nugget of advice. It might be a cliché, but holy shet at the wisdom that lies at the core of it. "Aesthetics" in this case is interchangeable with a bunch of activities or qualities - lift, draw, paint, write, explore, do whatever your heart desires. The important part is that you're not doing it to get bonus-points from another individual, because that chit shines through and colors your actions in a very unfavorable light. Just lock yourself into your own head and focus on whichever task it is that brings you the most pleasure. If it is lifting, have a big-assed cup of joe prior to your workout, blast your favourite music in the headphones, secure a barbell and create a bubble around yourself where it's just you and the weight. If it's something else, just carry that same mindset with you and engorge yourself wholeheartedly in the activity. No fukking facebook-updates, instagram-photos or twitter-feeds - this is for no-one but you.

Re-entering from orbit
(Mind you that this still is primarily a letter adressed to myself - there are many ways to skin a cat, but this one is my most effective angle) The exact same mindset that you apply to any rehabilitative activities is what you should apply to interacting with women. You need to kill your ego completely - when you start making hooking up with women into a goal, or measure of success in your process of getting over your past relationship, that's the exact same issue I adressed earlier creeping back to the surface. How to solve this? Disregard females.
My best nights out have been when - at the start of it - women were a complete and utter non-factor. I had my mind completely detached and/or focused on something else, like an interesting conversation with a friend or a sense of accomplishment from the previous contents of my day. As such, I created a bubble of genuine confidence and self-worth that I then expanded to envelop whichever female I found interesting in the spur of the moment. When you're grounded in yourself, completely detached from a woman's view of you, is when genuine outcome independence shines through in such a powerful manner that women around you can't help but be attracted to you. AGAIN, this isn't the reason why you're striving to achieve this state, it's just an attractive by-product.

However, there are very powerful methods of aiding this process of self-centralization. One is the "disregard everything, acquire [x]", and the other is NoFap. If you hop on the NoFap-train, determined to keep women out of your head with the knowledge that merely fantasizing about them is an utter fukking waste of time, once you do go out, especially with a firmly rooted "disregard everything"-mentality - that has been compounded by the fact that you've been productive and haven't wasted mental energy on phuck-fantasies - the sight of a full ass or generous cleavage wrapped up like a piece of candy will be such an incredible sight that you GENUINELY do not give a flying fukk about the girl's opinion of you, and that you genuinely have to express your sexuality. At that point, it essentially turns into fishing with dynamite.

[Commander]

Grymt inlägg. rep. Ofattbart varför ingen svarat. Särskilt som man ser nya trådar om folk som just blivit singlar på dagens topplista oxå.

Till folket, LÄS. Golvmoppen vet vad han talar om.

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Och Golvmopp, kul att se dig aktiv igen!!

[Flumrider]

Härlig artikel, önskar jag hade läst denna för 2-3 år sen. Bättre sent än aldrig