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[TobiasK]

BY Alexander~ | September 2nd, 2009 at 2:40 PM
Some Not So In-Depth Ideas about Rapport


I originally had the intention of writing a very long academic article about rapport because it's very in-depth, but for now here are some preliminary ideas for you to take onboard and put into practice in the meantime.

With the evolution away from the traditional style of game, the idea of rapport has seen a lot less attention than it used to see. From a chode's point of view, getting to know a girl – or gaining rapport with her, is what he thinks is the key to getting in with her, and this is still true. But, with the intense positive dominance and flaming Nimbus at RSD centres all around the world, the whole idea of comfort game and rapport has been superseded altogether and been replaced by one night stand focus and simply letting intense attraction get you girls. Rapport is being dangerously overlooked.

In my experience, the better the girl is all-around – the more options she has, the more tests you have to pass to get that girl. There are countless examples of where this isn’t the case, but quality persistence beats resistance, and it's rapport that happens during that persistence.

But before you get caught up thinking about rapport in the traditional sense of the game, forget about it. Those ideas are nowhere near as good as natural game ideas. Rapport doesn’t arise from mere interaction time or elaborate twirly-whirly techniques. Rapport with a girl – getting to know her, comes from your integrity. How quickly and how deeply you have rapport with her comes down to how closely who you are and what you do are in congruence.

To have integrity is by definition (in this context), when what you do is the same as what you think. So, your actions line up with your mindset, as opposed to being manipulative, lacking authenticity, or having an ego. If you don’t have integrity, people don’t know exactly who you are or what you're about. If they don’t know you, they can’t gain rapport with you. When you do have integrity, people know who you are and this gives rise to the very backbone of rapport: TRUST. When they trust you because what they see is what they’re getting, they can make a massive emotional investment in you and know it to be trustworthy. Voila, you have rapport.

Think of examples when you have met people who you can just instantly get along with: who you instantly trust. They are trustworthy because of the behavioural dichotomy I mentioned above. But most importantly, they don’t manipulate you. Instead, they have integrity. You feel like you can trust them and most often you instantly do. These sorts of people are the keepers of lots of other peoples' secrets.

People who are cool or popular have massive rapport with everyone because they have integrity just the same with everyone they meet. The social characteristics of someone who has integrity – and thus gains deep rapport with everyone he meets – is chillness, openness and personal boundaries. He's calm and level-headed. He's expressive because he has nothing to hide or be ashamed about, and he knows when to draw the line on how people are calling him out or bossing him around. Basically he can click with anyone and chat to anyone for a long time, further emphasizing rapport and a hot girl's trust in you as a man, as opposed to her mistrust in other men.

Important as well is once you get into this mindset, girls and other guys will almost instantly recognize you as a man of integrity and categorize you as a cool or attractive guy. This works massively in your favour when you are going out picking up girls from cold approaches.

The longer you spend with a girl, the more she will test you. The more she tests you, the more she gets to know who you are and what sort of guy you are. The more she knows what kind of a guy you are, the better she trusts you and gains rapport with you. The better she trusts you, the sooner she will be comfortable to be intimate with you: you get the girl. If you have the integrity, you will emaciate congruence tests and very quickly establish trust, not as a function of your moves or lines, but simply because you are an awesome guy.

If you are not yet an awesome guy, then you have some work to do, and the best way to do that is through social immersion by learning about yourself, others, the world, and exploring your boundaries. Sometimes you forget who you are if you don’t have an avenue by which to express yourself. Without that, your sense of self can dissolve into nothing and leave you with a weak reality and little to trust. So for the beginners, here are some guidelines...

There are two types of rapport: wide rapport and deep rapport. Wide rapport is where you ask lots of general questions like ‘where are you from?’, ‘what is your job?’, ‘what’s your all time favourite movie?’ and that sort of thing. You can throw out as many as fifty of these sort of questions in a short amount of time and there's a good chance you'll have at least a few things in common with the girl, or you will stumble onto topics that lead you to find commonalities with the girl. Also, while you have this sort of conversation you get back in touch with yourself and you give the girl a chance to revel in herself as well.

With deep rapport you have a chance to cultivate trust with the girl by asking more soul-searching questions that help to communicate with her core and help you to get in touch with and express your own core. Questions like ‘what were you like when you were growing up?’, ‘what is your dream job?’, ‘who are your heroes in life?’ and ‘what are some of the most important things you are going to teach your children?’ cut straight to the core of a person and call on them to express their more guarded emotions and their real self.

If you can get in a situation where you are talking from your real self to the girl's real self, you have a situation where both of you have high integrity with each other, plenty of trust and great rapport. Keep on chatting for ages and rapport gets deeper and deeper and deeper. The ∞ sign in the attraction equation indicates that the better you get to know the girl the more she is going to be attracted to you.

Another important way to think about rapport is the extent to which a girl makes an emotional investment in you. And from that investment, like everyone, she wants a return from it. But beware that if you make more of an emotional investment in her than she does in you then she’s going to be less outcome-dependant on a return than you are, and you will drive the girl away.

Bottom line though is that the better you get to know her, the quicker, and better you will be at picking up girls.

Have integrity, get girls.

Alexander~