Ozzie@RSD Samlade artiklar

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | April 17th, 2009 at 3:06 PM
How Can I Be Sure She Is into Me?
You won’t.

The only way to find out is to go for it.

You struggle with the same things a Himalaya mountain climber struggles. How is the weather going to be today?” What type of gear is better for this type of climb?” How long will it take to get to the top?” What if there is an avalanche in the middle of the climb?”

The future is unknown.

Same for girls. You won’t know until you do it.

Signal reading

Reading a woman is like reading the weather in London. Completely unpredictable. If you get up in the morning in London and look outside expecting the weather to hold, chances are you won’t get out of the house much. Weather changes from hour to hour unexpectedly. I am not in the habit of listening to weather forecasts anymore. If I have to do something, I would just do it regardless.

Many guys, because of the unpredictable nature of the game, get in the habit of reading women’s reactions. I like to think that it is like reading the weather; you will never get out of the house. Read by this, you will never get girls consistently if you get in the habit of reading whether they like you or not.

Like you or approve of you?

The signal reading that you do is normally around whether a girl thinks you are cool or not. Basically you want to know if she approves of you.

Approval seeking is common in primates. Lower level individuals in chimpanzee societies smile more plus they report a higher level of stress. This is a scientific fact. Sharing most of our genome with monkeys, it is not surprising that we, as humans, crave approval. We thrive on it.

Unlike the monkeys we don’t have to. It is not needed for our survival in a club. We do it out of habit or genes. The difference with animals is that we can understand it and minimize it, even eradicate it. The question is whether we are willing to do that.

Are you willing to put the work in to eliminate approval seeking from your game?

Only if it was that easy. But we can go the other way and look for self approval.

Self approval

Mostly when guys approach a girl or a group of girls they are trying to get approval...outside. That is the case for 99 percent of the guys that come to this game. Unless they get laughs, or signs that indicate “you are a cool dude”, they feel bad inside and walk away.

Looking for approval outside has these problems and more. Not only you are giving your power away by looking for the approval of stranger, you will feel extremely uncomfortable doing this. Like a comedian before the function starts. A comedian’s future depends on how much of a reaction he gets from an audience. When you look for approval outside you become an entertainer and as a consequence you will feel all the issues related to entertaining like short and frantic breathing, choking, nervousness, accelerated speech patterns, heightened tension, etc.

Why bother? Why be an entertainer when you can find an unlimited source of approval inside of you?

When you are in a fun mood

When you feel like nothing can break you. You feel on top of the world-no alcohol please. Let’s say you arrive to the Greek Islands in summer and you are on the beach, feeling happy to be there. You don’t need people’s approval anymore. You feel great. Nobody can touch you. You start conversations naturally with the clerk girl at the sunglasses shop near the beach, you chat up the receptionist of your hotel cheerfully, you start a conversation with the people on the table next to you at breakfast, and you are so happy it spreads and contaminate the world.

This is happening because you are fully approving of yourself. You took a well deserved holiday, you planned it, you made it happen, it was the place you wanted to go etc...

However, very rarely we feel like that. We are not in the habit of approving ourselves without some kind of feedback from the environment like a pat in the back from your boss, a smile from a girl, etc...

I like this quote from The Power of Self Approval by Yuri Elkaim:

“Well, one theory is that we behave in order to gain approval from others. This may seem farfetched but think about it for a minute. Everything we do in life can boil down to 2 fundamental needs: the need to be loved and the need to be helped. As such, our actions tend to be determined by our ability to please others. This stems from the fact that our mind operates in a primitive survival mode looking to protect us at all costs. This survival mentality was originally formed during our early childhood where, as dependent helpless babies, we learned that it was necessary to please our parents (or caregivers) in order to get what we wanted whether it be food or milk, and so forth. If we didn’t gain this approval, we feared the worst – that we would perish. Fortunately, we are no longer dependent children needing others approval in order to survive. However, our conditioning has ingrained in us this need to please others eventhough it no longer makes sense to do so.

As such, one of our biggest obstacles to happiness in life is our need for approval from others or our need to prove ourselves, our fear of disapproval, and our fear of rejection. It is solely based on survival! Now, the need for survival is gone but the habit remains.”

So basically once we understand that there is no need for survival anymore we can start working on ourselves and curve this tendency to please people or entertain people.

Approving of your story

Dig deep and find your passions and things you truly care about. Share those with people. One thing I ask guys is “what is your time warp activity?” In other words what makes you forget about time? Those things that absorb you are best. Last weekend I had a guy who named a video game. I instructed him to talk about it with girls. He was surprised to find out how girls got into it because he sounded so passionate and convincing about it. He even invited girls to play with him at home. There you go.

No matter how retarded you think it is say it. Don’t hide who you really are from girls. Those things that your deep self finds amusing will have a magnetic effect on others.