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[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | May 13th, 2009 at 8:46 PM
The Darker Side
It Is Good To Lose

How can you embrace winning without losing? How can you win girls without losing them? Let’s face it, you won’t be pulling more than one girl or may be two every night most of the time. How do you get to those girls? What’s the process? I can almost guarantee that for every girl you pull there was a bigger amount that you lost in the process-the number of girls you lose varies depending on how on you were that night.

So was it good to lose girls those? You bet.

When you are banging that very girl you pulled you don’t think about the dozen you couldn’t pull home. You conveniently erase them from your memory.

Why Is It Then That We Don’t Like Losing And Refuse To Embrace Losing As Part Of The Game?



For every time you looked good in set there are more times when you looked bad. I refuse to accept not being rejected on my program. If a guy is not being rejected, he is playing “safe” game. You need to embrace losing to win. Like Paul Newman tells Tom Cruise in the movie “The Color of Money”, “I will teach you how to lose, son”. Uncomfortable, inconvenient, painful? Yes, sir. Necessary? Yes, too.

Fundamentals and Losing

I think the art of applying fundamentals is there for you to be able to stand “losing” and not allowing you to get sidetracked. When I teach “freedom from outcome”, one of the fundamentals, I encounter resistance in the student at first, then, once he sees what an advantage it is to be free from outcome, and how relax he can approach women without being obsessed with a result, he let’s go. A new avenue for exploration has opened itself up. He starts “getting it”.

This is something that cannot be grasped by logic or congruently explained but it is experiential, the same way enlightenment cannot be explained in terms of words because it is a state of mind and spirit. In other words the fundamentals must be experienced in order to be understood. The reality of it far exceeds any plausible explanation. That is why logical guys seem to finish last in this game.

How Much Should I Lose?

Religion says “lose everything, and then you will be free”. Our society goes the other way and says “Winning is everything. Don’t be a loser!” How can we reconcile these two? And if we do, what would we lose? Fear of losing at work.

Scarcity Mentality in Pick Up

Unless a guy is in the field consistently it is hard to understand the fundamentals. Anybody who approaches women regularly quickly realizes this “freedom from outcome” fundamental: he knows better than to go in a club looking for the quick result. He intuitively knows that the night is long and success could come anytime as long as he keeps approaching and is not affected by losing.

He develops a long term focus naturally and refuses to judge results based on one approach or one night. This long term vision is necessary for switching from the scarcity-“if I lose a girl, it means I will suck forever”- to the abundance paradigm with women-“there is more than plenty for everybody”.

Money is scarce-though some money gurus will tell you different-, food is scarce, and natural resources are scarce but women-an unlimited resource unless you live in a 200 people village.

Actually some of the scarcity mentality around women can be traced back in history to the fact that humans used to gather in small communities limited in female population in prehistoric times and yes; there were no clubs to go with hundreds of available girls! But not today. Even if you live in a remote village, you can move to a bigger town and solve the scarcity problem. Approach as many as you want, lose as many as you want, get as many as you want.

Yeah, yeah, we know all this. But still what’s the problem? Why guys react so bad against losing?

Society Rejects Losers as Defective Items

We live in a perfectionist society. Due to the influence of technology we have zero tolerance to error. Let’s face it: if the computer doesn’t work we buy a new one and discard the old, etc...We dump everything that is not working and replace it with something new, more perfect, more efficient. We live in this paradigm that to err is to be defective and the item must be replaced. We turn into defective items when we lose. It is a sin of modern society to err.

What happens in pickup?

You are such an item. Can you be replaced by a better one?

You are stuck with what you got.

That enrages people! We don’t want to be stuck and losing.

What if “being stuck” for a while is what you need right now? Unacceptable. Something must be done. What if I told you that there is nothing to be done. You are stuck with what you got: your imperfections, your virtues, your looks, your rejections in the field. You need to accept the process, not fight it. If you fight it, it is likely to get worse.

How To Spot You Are A Victim Of Losing Syndrome?

Take a piece of paper and draw 2 columns. In one write all the things you consider your “good qualities” and on the other your “bad qualities”. If your “bad qualities” far exceed the good quality list you are a victim of this “defective item” syndrome. You probably spend too much time trying to fix yourself because you look at yourself as defective, faulty, etc. you will encounter a lot of resistance submitting yourself to the practice of pick up, a discipline that requires tons of flexibility and ample room for error.

You probably are a “fixer upper”, somebody who focuses on problems and defects rather than strengths. Too much time in the dark and very little in the light. You will remain forever in darkness.

Coming Into the Light

The way you see the problem IS the problem. If you see yourself as defective that’s how you will present yourself to people. People will feel it coming out of you. It is involuntary, you cannot control this process. You can hide which is what most people do. Interactions with people become a race of how long it will take for them to figure you are “defective” before you can crawl your way out of the interaction into “your next set”. And it starts all over again. It is a recipe for failure.

You need to change the way you look at yourself. A new paradigm needs to be in place where you don’t feel defective when you make a mistake. There is room for error and imperfections. Realizing that there is no fixed structure to human interactions and that conversations could go anywhere is a good start. It will allow you not to try to control the outcome of a conversation. Of course, you need lots of practice for this. That’s why field is king. But you need to go in the field with the intention of practicing and changing the paradigm about how you see yourself. Reconciliation, not a split, between the dark and the light must take place in your head.