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[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | October 14th, 2009 at 12:31 PM
The Body Language Issue

“The body is just a convenient carrier for the mind” or “I think, therefore I exist”, “the mind controls the body” etc., are some of the axioms upon which our western culture have been built. All this has done over time is give priority to mind over matter, body, that is. Through the all mighty brain the body can be controlled, subdued, made to act like a puppet on a theatre show.

All they are saying is that logic is king and that emotions, those feelings coming from your body should be ignored - especially gut feelings. We have been indoctrinated over and over by this.

School

Sit up straight, don’t fidget, memorize, accumulate, dissect, pigeon hole, classify, name etc...Conform to logic, ignore impulses, etc.

School is probably the number one Crusader for logic and no surprise, the number 1 killer of emotional life. From the moment you enter a classroom and you have to sit quietly and repeat things and conform to the status quo for 5 to 8 hours to systematic emphasis on intelligence-logical thinking- over emotions. Various tests, drills, and evaluations are doled out to you to see how good you are “at problem solving”, another word for logic.

It is not surprising that many find solace in logic as they grow up. “Because my daddy was poor, it is natural that I am poor too”, “because I am not good looking I cannot be a success with the girls”, “I was never good with women so that’s why I am stuck today”... etc. All of these rationalizations come from logic. It is comfortable to know things have a reason to be or to happen. That’s why it doesn’t make sense when you see an ugly, somehow fucked up looking dude walking out of the club with a beautiful girl. Your mind goes “how did that happen?” meaning there is no logic behind it.

Magazines or the Business of Making You Feel Inadequate

They tell you if you don’t look perfect or have a great body you have no reason to exist in this planet. You are garbage.

Also if you are not rich or famous like those dudes there, you are a lower specimen of a human being. This is all logic by the way. If you were a success you will be in the magazines. Society is forcing this hate logic down your throat. If you are not rich or famous or infamous you have no right to be happy. Die in hell.

At Work

You have to give the appearance of being in control. To do that you learn over the years-you started doing this at school so it is natural- to block your emotions from showing up. To do that you shut down all your body sensations and let the mind take over.

No matter how pissed off you are at your boss, you have to shut that anger down or it would cost you your job. You simply have to disconnect from your body to do that. You do that often-if you have a 24/7 asshole for a boss- and you get good at it... at the expense of your body. You start hating any sensation of feeling coming from the body. People disconnect from their body so much they become robots. “I don’t know how to feel or have an opinion on anything”. Apathy. Thought police hard at work.

Logic and Body Language

You realize why it is so hard to get in state to approach girls because you don’t find a single reason to be happy right now. There is no logic behind it. You can force yourself to get into that mega state but it will quickly fade away because there is no real reason for it: you haven’t won the lottery; you haven’t had an amazing success at anything, etc...Your mind is ruling your body right now.

Sooner rather than later your mind will start sending your body instructions like “you are a loser” “you suck at this” “not going to happen tonight so you better go home”. Your body will reflect these thoughts by slumping down, dragging your feet, no smile on your face, walking aimlessly “looking for a set”, “better talk to friends or get drunk because I will look awkward here”, etc.

By the time you approach a girl –you have to do your approaches according to the pua bible- your body language is so poor you immediately communicate to the girl “I don’t deserve you” and the girl brushes you off. A man would tell you off too. You are reeking of failure and logic.

Emotions and Pick Up

By the time you grow up and come to the game, chances are you have no connection with your body and you are not in the habit of using gut feelings or improvise based on emotions. Actually you are in the habit of shutting your body down because emotions are not welcome in the logical world.

Once you lose touch with your emotion due to excess logic it is like trying to find something in the dark. You cannot see. Since the only way to be emotional-happy, excited, uplifting, funny, playful- is by and through feeling those feelings in your body-not your head-, you are handicapped in the field. You cannot excite or talk to anybody properly. Kind of having no heart, not knowing even where it is.

But people relate to emotions in a club, not to logic. Not being able to feel anything hinders your capacity to talk to people and engage them positively. You might strike short conversations but as soon as logic rears its ugly head you find yourself swimming for attention. People simply don’t want to talk to you.

Unlocking The Power Inside

I ask my students “what are the chances of telling a girl you are a janitor in the first 5 minutes of the interaction?” Suppose you really were a janitor. None. May be 2 out of 10... Those are the usual answers. Logic at work.

Then I go “what are the chances of telling a girl that you wear a yellow night gown around the house because it is silky and comfy in the first 5 minutes of meeting her?” Suppose you really do wear such a gown. No chance. May be 2 out of 10, etc...Those are the usual answers. “Why not?” I ask. The answers usually go along the lines “that would not impress her”.

Then I make them approach a girl by saying “I want you to know I wear a yellow night gown around the house because I find it silky and smooth and slightly tingly”.

Bam! Girl is giggling. They do their best interaction for the night.

Saying What You Feel Like Saying or the Road to Congruency

This goes a long way in pick up. Once we depart from scripted game we get into uncharted territory. We have no means or “tools” to impress anymore. We need to dig and find our own resources to talk to people. Once we declare independence from lines and scripts we are on our own. The first step is to reconnect with our emotions, feelings. But we are cut off from them so by doing things like the one above we get one step closer to our real self.