Ozzie@RSD Samlade artiklar

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | July 28th, 2010 at 10:49 AM
The Next Guy
The Next Guy

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In this Article
- Peer pressure and its consequences
- Withstanding the urge to be “cool”
- Peer pressure and performance in Pick up
- Embracing past experiences and moving onto the future
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I have spent the last two years writing “The Physical Game Book” (Coming out September 1rst this year, watch out!), I have had time sometimes to pause and reflect about my life before/after learning “game”. You probably have done the same. So at times it blows my mind how my perspectives about my past have changed.

High school

I was looking at my high school pics and trying to remember who is who. Most of the gang disbanded and they are scattered in different countries around the world, some have children, etc...

I cannot help but think of the tremendous influence those high school friends had on me growing up. From the clothe I wore to the attitude towards women, they moulded my opinion and the way I behaved in social situations. They defined what was cool and what was not. My parents had little or no hold over me anymore. It was the peer group who superimposed their personalities, likes, dislikes, etc... It was a dictatorship. A dictatorship upon my behaviour and overall attitude. I had to conform or else...I would lose major cool points with the “in” crowd- approval is the word. Looking back it is sad but no less true.

My high school friends were a bunch of heavy metal wannabe's and posers. They had the hair, the attitude but nothing to back it up. They were a bunch of losers. Today they hold menial jobs-married early, had kids, no studies -- and have gotten nowhere in life except for 1 or 2 exceptions. It is funny that those exceptions were guys that were not so “cool”. They didn’t care much about the group’s approval.

“It is enough. I am out of here”

I remember going on a road trip with 3 of them, the heart of the gang, trip which by the way I was talked into. Being weak minded and trying to fit in I said yes and went along with it. I was just trying to get their approval.

Of course, on this road trip we didn’t have a car or money. We would just sleep in train stations, beaches, travel at night etc. It was the most retarded stupid idea ever. Looking back I am appalled that I agreed to do that shit.

To make a long story short, I abandoned the trip towards the end. We were 2 days away from going home and I remember all of us going into a pizzeria to eat and I said to them “fuck all of you. It is enough. I am out of here”. Something inside of me shouted to stop. This doesn’t feel right.

Of course, I lost major cool points when I got back to my high school and had to face my “cool/loser” friends. I don’t think my reputation ever recovered. I was considered “not reliable” for quite some time. I lost their approval.

The Problem

It is very simple. This happens usually when you are with your friends out. Unless your friends are tuned into who you are and your desires and are truly supportive, when you see a girl you like and you go “I want her”, there is another voice, peer group’s voice, that goes “you don’t want to be rejected in front of the guys; you will lose major cool points”. Then you don’t approach based on your peer group’s opinion and you lose a major opportunity to meet a girl you like. The dictatorship is back again. Peer pressure reared its ugly head under a different disguise: to look good in front of friends.

Remember:
People think of peer pressure as a teenage thing but it is not. It goes where ever and whenever you go. I remember my novice attempts to pick up girls surrounded by my friends and being blown out and my friends making fun of me. Of course, they would never approach but surely enjoy the show. Then when I got really good and picked up a girl in a bar on a company dinner, my office peers-including girls- started telling me I was too sexual out there and how dare I to pick up a girl on a formal company dinner. You can never win! But girls in the office started to look at me in a different way.

Peer pressure and performance

I have done hours of practice in my salsa moves and as soon as I step on the dance floor I shrink and stay with the “safe stuff”- things I know I can do. Because of that, my salsa dancing stops evolving. The pressure of having onlookers is too strong and you are afraid to fuck up. Better stick to what works. I have to literally force myself and look like an idiot for a while until I am ready to execute my new stuff. If I have a fun partner, like some of the girls in my class, I would probably unwind faster and I will be loose in no time.

COACH INSIGHT
I have heard similar stories from advanced guys in the game when they go out with their “pick up gang”. It paralyses them the prospect of being rejected in front of the “cool, pickup friends”. It hurts their game. Unless your pick up gang is a supportive one you will run into this down the line. People that go out with you should be a rock of positivity and enthusiasm for the game or you are better off alone.

If you started to learn pick up because you wanted to stop being a loser-show everybody you can have a hot girl- you will run into a lot of trouble when you execute. You will not be able to stand being a loser-losing girls- in front of others. Because you came into the game to prove a point....to others. This is actually the root cause for most of your problems with rejection. Are you doing this for you or for the others?

Remember:

Most people are not truly supportive. Pick and choose the people you go out with on the basis of positivity, unconditional support and coolness. In my Instructor Crew (Goran “The Gore”, Paul, Matt) negativity has no place. There is unconditional support for everybody even though sometimes we make ridiculous bets on who is pulling that night or not; we always keep a camaraderie and fun vibe in the air. Your wing must be as excited about you pulling as he doing it himself. If not, drop your wing and get a new one. I remember going out with Tim on a Greece RSD retreat of Glory, and he was just as excited about me pulling than he was about pulling himself even though at times it would mean one of us had to leave the room and sleep on another guy’s room or fuck a girl in the swimming pool surrounded by chodes watching. Or get your ass full of sand because you could only fuck on the beach. Lol. God, I hope he is reading this. Fun times!


Looking Back and Looking Forward

I fully embrace what happened in my teenage years but I can’t help but think of things I would have done differently. No use now of course. However, looking back, it taught me a valuable lesson. I guess the lesson goes along the lines of “not give a fuck to what people think”. It is a lesson that gets relearned every single day of my life.

On the course of the week I have innumerable temptations to do what is appropriate and what others would like to see me do, that includes, girlfriend, friends, business, etc...The pressure is always there for you to act out of people’s intentions and not your own. Today I make it a habit to listen to that inner voice. It is a full time job.

Steps to success
- What would it mean to be yourself and disregard what your peer, colleagues, family think?
- Are your Pick up friends unconditionally supportive? Will they give up winning themselves for you to win? Would you be willing to do the same for them?
- Do you get sidetracked by the temptation to please others like boss, family and friends? Do you thing you gain or you lose?
- Were you attracted to pick up to please your friends or “in” crowd aka impressing others? Do you try to impress Pick up people on line?