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[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | August 20th, 2010 at 7:27 AM
Liberator of Men
Liberator of Men

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In This Article
- Definition by the media of Pick up Guys
- Quick fixes in the game
- The myth and reality of the Pick up “job”
- How Pick up can lead you to better things
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Now that I throw myself in the marketing campaign for my book “The Physical Game” (Launch September 1st), I find myself being pigeonholed in the category of “Pick up” guy. I am blasted into the same weird, jargon filled, sex-hungry, needy category as the rest of the pickup guys selling products out there -- the very thing that I have tried to avoid and try to keep my clients away from. But, no victim mentality here. I will tell you my honest ideas on this and why this has happened in an effort to clear some misunderstandings as to what is that we, pick up coaches, do.

Media whoring

So far the image of “Pick up guys” in the media or guys like me who dedicate themselves to this job doesn’t reflect what we do. We are creating various stereotypes without even knowing it that won’t help our industry. If you see a pick up guy in the various media out there you will be left with the following impressions.

- Cheesy. Apart from the barrage of pick up lines to “seduce” women you will notice in his choice of wardrobe something that screams “awry”. It makes me go “yikes”. You notice something out of place in the haircut, slick clothes, weird accessorizing, etc.

- Suspicious. In an effort to sell his pick up product he needs to at least pretend he has some “secrets” to seducing women that nobody else has. He might be a great stand up dude but he is confronted with the reality of a stereotype he needs to fill in order to be marketable. Because of all this “secret” mentality, our industry is moving into the dangerous territory of “too good to be true” -- fake, that is. You also reinforce the mentality that with these “trade secrets” people don’t have to make an effort, work hard or become better human beings to be successful.

- Tricks. It is assumed that pick up guys have a bag of tricks that they use to seduce. So, ordinary people imagine a guy with a toolbox of tricks and aces under the sleeve to be flashed out when he meets a female. All of this contributes to the stereotype of the trickster, namely, a dishonest, cunning type who uses voodoo-like incantations to trick women into bed with him. The tricks being the shortcut to get what you want, again without much effort or any kind of real growth.

- The jerk persona. Some of the guys you see have made it a habit in their journey from chode to champ to acquire, refine and absorb the jerk persona. As a reaction to their old geeky self now they want to impersonate the high school jockey or something. But even though they have managed to bury the geek very deep down, they can’t still manage the jerk persona because it is totally not congruent with their personality even though he has managed to change everything outside like clothes, gadgets, hair, etc. This glitch in the personality results in fakeness and incongruence that can be spotted after he has exhausted all his arsenal of prearrange, rehearsed attitudes and strategies. All of this makes them look shady or suspicious characters to say the least. Another stereotype in the making. If he keeps that up he will end in an asylum staring at the wall due to multiple personality disorder.

All of the above in a nutshell is value-taking. It means when we talk to a girl all we are doing is try to steal value from her. We don’t offer anything in return. It promotes the image that we are out “on the take”.

This is a sad state of affairs for the Pickup community. Instead of value givers we breathe value-taking. No wonder many people are repelled by the Pickup community because all these stereotypes have been fed to the media for the past 4 years. However, there is nothing further from the truth. As in any community that you get involved with, you will find all kinds of people: some amazing, others not so and some ok people.

The reality of the Pickup job

No matter how much I try to separate what I do from the above, I can’t help but be stereotyped too. The bottom line is that I do teach men how to get women. However, you can’t say we take value when we approach women otherwise you wouldn’t be successful with them. Nobody likes value takers. A minimum of value needs to be offered for you to get laid. Women are attracted to attractive men. I mean attractive here in the full sense of the word, not physically speaking.

I have encountered in the last 5 years all kinds of people. Like in any activity you find good, bad and ugly. Some of the guys I have met through my job have become friends over the years. Some of the coolest people I have met in my life I have met through pick up coaching. It pains me when I am confronted with the reality of the stereotypes to see that those amazing guys will be thrown in the same cheesy, voodoo-like seduction-community sack as the rest.

Remember:
It only takes a minority for a cliché to set in. In an effort to hawk products, the very essence of our job gets lost.

We help guys

When I see the transformations happening in over a weekend of live-in-field programs, I wonder if the media will be interested. They probably won’t be. Who cares if a guy has become more natural, broke through his long-term shyness and feels happier now with more choice of women in his life?

Nobody cares.

The media doesn’t like positive things per se, unless there is a dark angle, some negativity or something laughable.

I doubt that you can sit in a TV interview and say to the TV talking head, “All you have to do to get a girl you like is be yourself around her. There are no secrets”. I don’t think anybody will tune into that show. You must have “dirty little secrets nobody knows about” to get their attention.

Our job in the field

My job is very straightforward in the field.

- Point A to point B. It has nothing to do with secrets or pick up lines or sophisticated manoeuvring. I have a client who wants to go from point A to point B. I have three days to make it happen.
- Principled teachings, no gimmicks. Growth happens in the weekend as a result of a lot of hard work by explaining, repeating, getting insights, personalizing a number of key principles, drilling, trial and error, etc. The more I can align my client with those principles (not gimmicks) the more he will be successful during and after the program.
- Zero quick fixes. There are no secrets. I wish there were because my life will be so much easier during program. I wouldn’t have to repeat so much. But hey, that’s my job.

A liberator of men

We help guys help themselves. Most guys who come to a program, contrary to popular opinion, have as an end goal to find their ideal soul mate in life. Even though they want to learn how to approach and bed women, most of them don’t want to remain single forever. They just want choice.

COACH INSIGHT
Choice in life means freedom. In that sense, I am a liberator of men, not a trickster. I help men reach their full potential when it comes to the opposite sex and their social life. I help them attain personal goals in their lives. I couldn’t trick them into that even if I wanted to. Real growth cannot be faked; you must pay the price to quote Steven Covey.

The majority of my clients want to have the ability to have a choice as to the partner they want to spend the rest of their lives with. In other words they don’t want to be stuck with a girl they don’t like because of lack of options. That’s a genuine desire. There is nothing wrong, cheesy or suspicious about it.

However, what irritates me is to see the image of sex-hungry addicts we get portrayed out there when the reality is quite the opposite. Men who come to this pick up activity want to have some fun with the women too but their ultimate goal is to have choice.

Remember:
You will have tremendous personal growth as a result of dedicating yourself to pick up. You will become a better person. There is no question. Why? Well, there is no way you will be successful with women if you don’t become successful as a person. You will have to align yourself with various success principles that will propel you to greater heights of personal growth. Failure to align with such principles will mean you won’t succeed in the long term. You might have luck shots here and there but you will lack consistency.


Steps to success
- Do you believe in “quick fixes” or tricks to get women? If you do, do you really want them or would you rather pay the price of growth?
- Do you sometimes behave like a jerk to women as a means to “one up” them? Do you think this is necessary to attract them? Have you tried an alternative way?
- What’s your end goal in Pick up? Are you doing this only for the sex? if you have an end goal, are you making sure you pursue it consistently in the field?
- Do you think the principled approach to Pick up is slower to reach your goals in the long term? Even if it was slower, would you still want it?