Ozzie@RSD Samlade artiklar

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | January 21st, 2009 at 5:29 AM
Why we don’t want to impress
Tags: Inner Confidence
Most guys you get on BC come under the impression that the instructor is going to teach them the ropes to impress women. Wrong.

One of the things that needs to go away is the drive to impress people- and subbed it with being comfortable being yourself.

I was the other day talking to a girl in my regular salsa club. I go there on Wednesdays and dance all night. I meet plenty of girls and dance with them. Sometimes I strike conversations if I am not practicing and it is usually and undoubtedly when I do my best. I am in a dancing mood, in a good mood and girls finish dancing and strike a conversation with me and start asking where I am from etc...

Funny thing is that for me those are not pick up nights. Those are my dancing nights. However I seem to do better when I am not thinking pick up. Women can’t get enough. They hover around, wait around for me to dance with them, then talk to them. Needless to say, after a year of regular salsa dancing I am in the top 10 percent of the salsa dancers in any salsa club. But that’s not the point. I seem to be in my element there and so the girls chill around me. I am being my chill self.

“I must go and pick her up now” mindset.

This type of mindset generates all kinds of problems. The first and by far the most dangerous of all is that guys think they have to approach and impress. I usually get this mindset from guys who have been in the game for a while even gotten laid regularly, etc...They stick to what works and I can understand that. Let’s say they got plenty of kiss closes with a line they will use it to death. They refuse to go for it without the line. They are hooked to that line. They don’t think they can get a make out any other way.

It surprises them when they get 2 or 3 make outs with just “going for it”. Funny thing is that when they do that they never go back to the lines. They don’t feel they need a line anymore.

This applies to openers and conversation starters. Most guys cannot believe they can open with their honest opinion on fried chicken. When they see they can do it, they pretty much drop everything else.
Brilliance of statements. Learn how being bold can change the way you interact with women

Be assertive.

Our society is build around the idea of compliance, read “follow”, don’t lead. Because instead of order, we would have chaos.

But not following your inner impulses can be death in a club when you face girls.

Instead of asking, take; instead of questioning, affirm. Let’s say I want to ask “where are you from?”, instead I use “let me guess, you are....” that’s just a tiny example. For the most part I don’t want to ask a whole lot of questions, especially at the beginning of an interaction. Use lots of “I want...” “I think...” “I believe” sentences. I force my students to start conversations with statements. I try to make them more assertive from the get go.

Being assertive communicates you are comfortable being yourself around people. It is also a way of reaffirming yourself.

Lose a few, win a few.

Bold statements drill is an exercise designed to fulfil the purpose of being yourself and saying whatever you feel like saying around girls. I ask guys to tell me what they really would like to say to a girl about a particular subject. I ask them to turn the sensors off and tell me how they feel about for example “women shoes”.

I, of course, tell guys bad language and insults are out of limits just to be safe. I want them to be honest. I one time had this guy telling me “women shoes are very confusing to me”. We approached girls that night by saying “women shoes are confusing to me”. He opened groups successfully all night with that.

It was just an exercise for my students to get bolder and honest around women. I also instruct them to stop talking after they say their bold statements and wait for women to fill in the gaps. Most guys struggle to fill in the gaps of a conversation with girls. In my case, I want to say my bold statement, something I really feel like saying and let them talk.

It is very counter intuitive because most guys find it hard to stop talking after they say something bold. They feel they must “explain themselves”, more like “apologise themselves” for having a spine. I force them to shut up and listen to the girls. It works. This single exercise here is responsible for most epiphanies on day 1 on my live program. Guys cannot believe what just happened. They expressed themselves honestly around a girl and the girl loved it.

Reality check: women hate the “interview”. Instead make a lot of statements. A good way to go about it is to say something bold and let them fill in the gaps. Never ask girls questions before they do. Avoid the interview style.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | February 6th, 2009 at 4:33 PM
Unlikely Worst Case Scenarios
Tags: Dating Techniques

You will find most people are friendly and take you in as long as you don’t behave like a weirdo and are cool. No need for sophisticated strategies or tactics here. Be enthusiastic! That’s about the only rule I have.

It is unlikely worst case scenarios will arise. Nobody will bite you head off for talking to them. Nobody will beat you up. Guys with girls you approach will be super friendly for the most part, provided you talk to them and are cool. Nobody gets into fights unless they are looking for them.

As to people being rude to you, most people will be polite when dismissing you. Girls that don’t want to talk to you will say “we have to go the toilet” or “we are going back to our friends” and excuse themselves.

So what’s the problem when approaching? Well, the real problem is fear itself. Fear of the unknown. Your fear of doing something new that you haven’t done before. Once it is done and repeated over time, it becomes simple and normal to do. Most guys struggle with unfamiliarity. Approaching strangers in a club is not something they are in the habit of doing. With time they get used to it and fear dissolves.

Just like bank robber Willie Sutton’s famous answer when asked why he robbed banks: “Because that’s where the money is.” The reason we approach in clubs because that’s where the girls are. Hundreds of them in one place.

Why not make a lot of questions

Making a lot of questions is another nasty effect of “my mind goes blank when I talk to girls”. Because they are trying to impress a girl, most guys run out of things to say in a hurry. Their minds cannot keep up with the stress of producing stories or recounts that would get them the desired approval from females. Out of desperation they turn to questions. Why? Because they are easy. No need to be a genius to produce 20 unsolicited questions. “What’s your name?” “Where are you from?” “Where do you live” “do you like the music here?” and so on.

It doesn’t take much to understand that most people will be turned off by this. It is so common in my trade that we gave it the name “interview style”. Instead of talking with a girl, a normal chat, you go into a “job interview”. Because every guy does this when they don’t know what to say, most girls have seen it all many times and are repelled by it. Most girls will just excuse themselves and leave and others will be rude to you and leave. That’s about the outcome of such a style. It is a no-no. As in don’t you ever.

What topics of conversation once I am in?

First thing, I wouldn’t talk about anything that doesn’t amuse me in the first place. If I see the conversation going in a direction I don’t like I cut her off with something like “that’s great but check this out”, and I change the topic into something I enjoy like salsa dancing or Barcelona-where I used to live-, etc. Most guys have problems with this because they think is impolite. Well, being the nice guy will not get you girls. Approval seeking only will get you into “try hard” territory-read most women will lose interest fast.

Once you get down to it, and by approaching lots of girls, you will find yourself talking about your personal interests and things you are into. One student said after the first night of live program “I have opened girls talking about pineapples, tap water and my country. So simple. ”

It is simple because-as you will find out after you approach hundreds of girls-what you talk about, the content, is irrelevant. The feelings, emotions, and general vibe you are bringing into the interaction will account for as high as 90 percent of your approaching success.

On nights you feel good, positive, enthusiastic you will float to success. On other less inspired nights, you will have to make it happen out of cheer muscle work. We are only human. I wish there was a button to push to make us execute to perfection but there isn’t. Don’t give yourself a hard time for it. Regardless of your level of skill, you will have nights where you tank. Get over it. Tomorrow is another day.

Token resistance or why you want to love ploughing thru

It is a given. When you first come in and introduce yourself, they are all asking themselves “who in the hell is this guy?” the question pops for a second in their head, and I have even recorded this on camera myself-yes, I have approached girls with a camera in my hand aimed at them, sue me. I can stop pause the video at the exact point when this question is going thru their mind-in fact I show it to my students during my seminars.

If you don’t know what I mean, think when a stranger stopped you for directions on the street. There was a split second there when you asked yourself “who is this guy, what does he want?”, but then your mind went “it is ok, he just needs help”. All happens fast. You pass a quick judgment on that guy as to “safe or not safe”.



Same happens with girls. At the beginning they make snap judgements that are activated in split seconds. Those judgments run along the lines of “is this guy cool or lame?” especially if you are trying too hard to impress them right off the bat, they go “lame” and turn their back on you. Sorry guys. Girls don’t have much time. Remember their biological clocks are ticking. They are looking for guys with potential for breeding.

Token resistance is just a screening mechanism girls develop over the years of meeting guys. They are programmed to give you some kind of resistance at the beginning to see if you are strong, sort of a test to pass. That’s why I love it when they give it to me. I see it as an opportunity to show her I am not your average Joe. I want to push through that initial wall and have a big chance at converting the interaction into a lay.

It is a fact that unless you are used to getting through that kind of resistance you won’t get laid often. Most of the students I have trained with amazing success during and after program are guys who aren’t fazed by this kind of resistance. Master ploughers as I call them. They even enjoy working their way through initial resistance.

Reality check: If you are looking for positive reactions right off the bat towards you-so called approval seeking in game lingo-, you will be pigeon holed under “entertainer” or “lame” labels. In both cases girls lose interest fast. Most guys that abandon ship early or give up on a girl too soon do it because they don’t get the reactions or approval they were looking for right away. Since girls are programmed to screen males and not give approval right away, those guys end up bouncing off girls all night and getting zero results.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | February 23rd, 2009 at 3:36 PM
Smart People
Tags: Dating Techniques | Inner Confidence
The other day I was doing one of my classic drills on BC where zero self talk is required and I happened to be doing it with yet another brilliant guy. For some reason he was incapable of doing it. We went back and forth but he couldn’t... I kept at it, encouraging, pushing, trying to relax him and he started doing it right towards the end. He seemed to shut the self talk off for a while.


Self talk
You will find yourself at your peak when you are able to shut the mental chatter off. Smart people have trouble with that. They are in the habit of intellectualizing everything. They seem to weigh the pros and cons of every decision before they do something. This, no doubt, is a killer of game. It will make you hesitant.

The best players have a quality of zero self talk that makes them extremely effective in the field. In the field, little or no self talk is required. Self talk is actually bad for you. You will notice you climb huge positive peaks when your self talk is at the lowest.

It is literally impossible to feel good and be happy and have any kind of self talk. Self talk tends to be reduced as we focus and get in a flow. Actually the word “flow” is very much related to not having any mental cobwebs. Just “flowing” like a river would.


Analysis and stalling, another name for AA?

It is when you can’t make any forward progress because you bog yourself down in useless details, pondering, weighing the odds...as opposed to getting on with it. Sound familiar?

While it is perfectly natural to want to spend time pondering about a plan, especially one with elements of risk involved, there comes a point where any more thinking goes against its accomplishment and you need to start making some real progress.

Planning is good. Failure to plan is planning to fail. But too much can be as destructive as not enough.
It is pretty common in this community to have a guy reading material for a year and a half or sometimes 3 or 4 years without doing a single approach. The guy knows everything there is to know about pick up but fails to execute in the field. In his mind he has to be ready first. By ready he means, I got to have all the angles covered, all the openers, all the possible situations as he devours pages and pages of pick up related stuff. He plays the game in his mind over and over.

Then he comes to BC and it is a shocker that he doesn’t need 90 percent of all that knowledge to approach a girl. The game is simple.


Procrastination
I remember in executive training in my old job, there was this pamphlet being passed around about Collin Powell, the guy in charge of the US Military campaign in the Middle East,’s management style in which he claimed he would make decisions with as little as 40 percent of the information. Most managers in my old company frowned at that. Needless to say my old company was known for long 4 hour meetings that would yield no clear decisions. They couldn’t understand that more information doesn’t necessarily equal better decisions.


Some good pointers to break procrastination are the following:
1. Agree on a point in time to get something done...and get it done or die trying. Don’t allow yourself to float into the nothingness of no dates.

2. Get reckless. Yes, act like a lunatic for a while. Go kamikaze for a while. If you are the typical procrastinator, this will show you the power of actions over ideas.

3. Make up your damn mind! Yes, shit or get out of the pot. Start small: what cloth to wear tonight for the club?

4. Gain momentum....does 3 or 4 approaches on your way to the club. Don’t wait for the situation to be perfect.


Excuses

I like this list of excuses I found on a web page. These are real excuses parents gave for their children not to go to school. Some have gross spelling mistakes in them. Enjoy.

“Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her
shot”.

“Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,
30, 31, 32, and also 33.”

“Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.”

“Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he
fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip”

“John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face”

“Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
He was hurt in the growing part”

Smart people, because they are brilliant, can produce extremely compelling arguments NOT to do something. They are hand downs the best excusers in the world-from “I am not good looking enough” to “she is not hot enough for me”... If you let them, they can argue their way into sitting by the bar and getting drunk without approaching a single girl in the whole night. They love to give arguments, pros and cons of such and such method of pickup, etc.

Bad for pickup.

That’s why most of the best guys that I know are either dumb or have a knack of minimizing self talk or reducing it to zero as soon as they get into a club. That’s the quality that I am after when I teach bcs. All my drills, tactics and strategies to teach aim at eliminating self talk.

You could say “what about positive self talk?” Very clever. Smart point I tell you. You will notice when you are in the “flow”, that self talk is all gone. You seem to be in the present moment, not in the past, not in the future. And yes, you will be positive without trying.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | March 9th, 2009 at 4:18 PM
Safe but Sorry
Tags: Inner Confidence
Getting out of your comfort zone whatever or wherever it is right now with a daring task.

You know you are cheating. You know your game will not get good. You know you won’t get the girls you want by staying there. But still there is a strong pull to stay there and don’t do anything. Hard core sometimes. And it doesn’t get any better when you don’t succeed in your approaches, it actually gets worse. The pull of the comfort zone drags you back even stronger and more steadily. Insidiously.


Nobody can win this game. Nobody. Why? There are years of programming pulling you back and there are promises of a better life pulling you forward. But those promises are weak in the light of rejections, how can I go forward with all this around me? Rejection feels like death. Especially if you have been rejected before, and it hurt you bad, the pull to stay girl-less and dick-less is ever stronger. It is not so bad after all. You go out, you don’t approach or barely approach, you go home and jack off to porn, nobody gets hurt, better safe than sorry right.... But deep down inside there is a feeling bothering you, telling you that you are cheating. This is not meant to be you, the you that you dreamed of when you first got in the game and started reading about and trying to emulate those “pickup guys” or at least tried to model.

But, hey, better safe than sorry. That piece drags you back right away. You step into a club, you see that loud music, those girls high on booze jumping up and down and you get scared. Oh, man, rejection is a bad thing. What if they don’t like me? What if they find out that I have no life or I am a dork?

While your mind tries to project the future, your body stays in the hateful comfort zone. It doesn’t move. The “ifs” paralyze you. “What if”...what if you approached. What if you approached all night, got blown out all night, and got the last girl, in the last set. But then again, what if I didn’t. Is it worth the risk? Is it worth the pain?

This is the all too familiar concept of “homeostasis” at work.

In other words, resistance to change, to do something differently, to risk failure.

Homeostasis keeps all systems balanced and doesn’t know whether the change is for good or bad. It is not its concern whether you are on your way to be a chode or a pimp. Homeostasis doesn’t know that your girl-less or dick-less and you have been for some years, even all your life. The H thermostat is the guardian of balance in your body. Anything threatens balance it will go off sending alarm signals all thru your body. It will tell you to stop. Telling is an understatement, it will yell at you, scream, shout, itch, kick, plunge, etc. A rebel force will descend upon you.

I like gym examples because they illustrate it better. I have been running for 2 months now, using intervals on the tread mill. I use intervals of higher and lower speeds to stress and shock my body whenever it reaches balance point. I go high intensity for a while, then I drop to lower, and I play with levels of speed to achieve this effect. However, even though I have doing this for 2 months, I never went higher than 12 level of speed in my treadmill. 12 is pretty fast for me. I have to switch to long strides which are of a different quality of the shorter strides. It is a stretch mentally and physically. I decided yesterday to go 14 speed. That’s only 2 points above my max. Shouldn’t be a problem, right? Wrong. As soon as I hit that 14 level, I started to run out of breath. As I kept going, I kept increasing the time I spent on this dreadful 14. It went from 1 min to 2 min, then 3 min...man, I sweated like a pig, I was puffing and panting for air. As I finish my 25 min cardio session, every part of my body was screaming for help. Please, stop, it seemed to say. Sometimes it demanded me to stop and get out of the tread mill.

Just a 2 point increase. Unbelievable. I probably burned more calories yesterday in one session than in the entire weak. Lesson learned. Homeostasis will rebel and fight for balance but you must keep going and acknowledge but not ignore alarm signals.

Ignore? No. “Let pain be your guide” is the saying among bodybuilders. If it is painful take 1 step back. Regroup and reduce intensity, then “2 steps forward”. Go faster again. Keep negotiating resistance like this and you will be golden. Goals will be reached and passed. Negotiating resistance with your body this way will take you all the way to wherever you want to go.

Guess where my new comfort zone is. Yes, at 14 now. 12 looks like a walk in the park now....

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | April 3rd, 2009 at 1:11 PM
Imperfect Game
Most guys are looking for the perfect strategy or tactic that works 100 percent of the time. However, no such a thing exists, may be in their heads only.

It is not their fault. Devious internet marketing and the drive of our society to perfection makes the average guy believe there is a 100 percent bullet proof way of getting a girl. It becomes apparent night after night in the field that perfection is not a part of this game.

Imperfection and Acceptance

You must learn to live with imperfection. Things don’t go always the way they are supposed to. Actually looking into the times that you will get laid, you will notice that nothing goes according to plan most of the time.

Assuming

Most guys make the terrible mistake of assuming they will get bad reactions as they enter a group of girls. Don’t assume anything. If you assume, assume the best. Expect they will be in a good mood and they often will. Assume success and you will get success.

Mistakes and Sticking Points

Embrace your imperfections. Don’t hide them, don’t obsess over them, don’t get mad, and don’t try to make them go away. Typical mistake is to try and make imperfections disappear. Any attempt to focus on your shortcomings, will make them grow larger and stronger. Rather focus on your strengths.

It is funny that most guys know by heart their shortcomings but when asked what their strengths are they have no idea. They don’t even know what they are good at in the game.

Let’s say you are a positive dude. Well, that’s your strength. Focus on it, overplay it, blow it out of proportions, be the happiest guy in the club. You must approach sets and get them excited. Let them feel your positivity.

Live your life in the imperfect zone

The more imperfect you allow yourself to be, the more you will improve your game. Making mistakes is a sign of strength, never a weakness. Only guys that are pushing the boundaries of reality err.

If It Is Worth Doing

...it is worth doing it poorly but it is worth getting it done.

Most times I say to guys “don’t try to be perfect. Just get it done”. Which means don’t try to look good or smooth? Do you want to look good or do you want to get laid?

It is never going to be perfect but you will spend more time doing the right things. That’s the difference. You will do more right. You will be able to tell when you are doing the right things not based on the girl’s reactions but on how you feel inside. You will have an internal compass for doing the necessary things no matter if you are getting it wrong.

Doing something new feels extreme

If you never approached in clubs before or you are doing something new it can be scary. It is new behaviour. New territory. The unknown. Fear of the unknown.

You need to feel good when you are treading the unknown. Resistance to doing new things should be your compass. You are doing right. You are pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Big lessons will be learned from doing this.

Lack of passion. Lack of energy. Lack of intensity


Excessive outcome orientation, dependence on results, etc., will destroy your energy inside. A tension to get results will substitute passion, playfulness and fun. You won’t be able to operate with such a sense of urgency. Most people will think you are weird and dismiss you on the basis that they don’t know what you are after.

Lack of energy happens because you waste all your mojo trying to hide. You make tremendous efforts to conceal your intentions by putting on a show to entertain people. I am referring to when guys try to make girls like them because they think this is what pickup is all about.

Making girls like you is not going to get you laid. What’s going to get you laid is not giving a damn whether they liked you or not. Truth is that on any given night there are a number of girls that are going to like you no matter what, regardless of the show you put on when you meet them. On the other hand there is going to be another group of girls that are not going to like you no matter what either. And there is nothing you can do about it. I don’t care how long you have been in the field or how much pickup literature you have devoured. When a girl doesn’t like you there is nothing much you can do about it, better move on...

Performance Anxiety. I Must Perform. I Have To Do It Right

What most guys call approach anxiety or AA I call it performance anxiety. It runs along the line of “I have to approach and pick up”, “I have to do it right”. All these “have to” sentences create an enormous amount of tension, tension which paralyses most guys. It is important to get rid of all those “have to”, “obligatory” type of sentences. They only work you up.

They should be substituted by affirmations like “it is ok to make mistakes”, “it is fun to approach”, etc...I usually repeat those as I approach a group of people. It puts me in the right frame of mind.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | April 17th, 2009 at 3:06 PM
How Can I Be Sure She Is into Me?
You won’t.

The only way to find out is to go for it.

You struggle with the same things a Himalaya mountain climber struggles. How is the weather going to be today?” What type of gear is better for this type of climb?” How long will it take to get to the top?” What if there is an avalanche in the middle of the climb?”

The future is unknown.

Same for girls. You won’t know until you do it.

Signal reading

Reading a woman is like reading the weather in London. Completely unpredictable. If you get up in the morning in London and look outside expecting the weather to hold, chances are you won’t get out of the house much. Weather changes from hour to hour unexpectedly. I am not in the habit of listening to weather forecasts anymore. If I have to do something, I would just do it regardless.

Many guys, because of the unpredictable nature of the game, get in the habit of reading women’s reactions. I like to think that it is like reading the weather; you will never get out of the house. Read by this, you will never get girls consistently if you get in the habit of reading whether they like you or not.

Like you or approve of you?

The signal reading that you do is normally around whether a girl thinks you are cool or not. Basically you want to know if she approves of you.

Approval seeking is common in primates. Lower level individuals in chimpanzee societies smile more plus they report a higher level of stress. This is a scientific fact. Sharing most of our genome with monkeys, it is not surprising that we, as humans, crave approval. We thrive on it.

Unlike the monkeys we don’t have to. It is not needed for our survival in a club. We do it out of habit or genes. The difference with animals is that we can understand it and minimize it, even eradicate it. The question is whether we are willing to do that.

Are you willing to put the work in to eliminate approval seeking from your game?

Only if it was that easy. But we can go the other way and look for self approval.

Self approval

Mostly when guys approach a girl or a group of girls they are trying to get approval...outside. That is the case for 99 percent of the guys that come to this game. Unless they get laughs, or signs that indicate “you are a cool dude”, they feel bad inside and walk away.

Looking for approval outside has these problems and more. Not only you are giving your power away by looking for the approval of stranger, you will feel extremely uncomfortable doing this. Like a comedian before the function starts. A comedian’s future depends on how much of a reaction he gets from an audience. When you look for approval outside you become an entertainer and as a consequence you will feel all the issues related to entertaining like short and frantic breathing, choking, nervousness, accelerated speech patterns, heightened tension, etc.

Why bother? Why be an entertainer when you can find an unlimited source of approval inside of you?

When you are in a fun mood

When you feel like nothing can break you. You feel on top of the world-no alcohol please. Let’s say you arrive to the Greek Islands in summer and you are on the beach, feeling happy to be there. You don’t need people’s approval anymore. You feel great. Nobody can touch you. You start conversations naturally with the clerk girl at the sunglasses shop near the beach, you chat up the receptionist of your hotel cheerfully, you start a conversation with the people on the table next to you at breakfast, and you are so happy it spreads and contaminate the world.

This is happening because you are fully approving of yourself. You took a well deserved holiday, you planned it, you made it happen, it was the place you wanted to go etc...

However, very rarely we feel like that. We are not in the habit of approving ourselves without some kind of feedback from the environment like a pat in the back from your boss, a smile from a girl, etc...

I like this quote from The Power of Self Approval by Yuri Elkaim:

“Well, one theory is that we behave in order to gain approval from others. This may seem farfetched but think about it for a minute. Everything we do in life can boil down to 2 fundamental needs: the need to be loved and the need to be helped. As such, our actions tend to be determined by our ability to please others. This stems from the fact that our mind operates in a primitive survival mode looking to protect us at all costs. This survival mentality was originally formed during our early childhood where, as dependent helpless babies, we learned that it was necessary to please our parents (or caregivers) in order to get what we wanted whether it be food or milk, and so forth. If we didn’t gain this approval, we feared the worst – that we would perish. Fortunately, we are no longer dependent children needing others approval in order to survive. However, our conditioning has ingrained in us this need to please others eventhough it no longer makes sense to do so.

As such, one of our biggest obstacles to happiness in life is our need for approval from others or our need to prove ourselves, our fear of disapproval, and our fear of rejection. It is solely based on survival! Now, the need for survival is gone but the habit remains.”

So basically once we understand that there is no need for survival anymore we can start working on ourselves and curve this tendency to please people or entertain people.

Approving of your story

Dig deep and find your passions and things you truly care about. Share those with people. One thing I ask guys is “what is your time warp activity?” In other words what makes you forget about time? Those things that absorb you are best. Last weekend I had a guy who named a video game. I instructed him to talk about it with girls. He was surprised to find out how girls got into it because he sounded so passionate and convincing about it. He even invited girls to play with him at home. There you go.

No matter how retarded you think it is say it. Don’t hide who you really are from girls. Those things that your deep self finds amusing will have a magnetic effect on others.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | May 13th, 2009 at 8:46 PM
The Darker Side
It Is Good To Lose

How can you embrace winning without losing? How can you win girls without losing them? Let’s face it, you won’t be pulling more than one girl or may be two every night most of the time. How do you get to those girls? What’s the process? I can almost guarantee that for every girl you pull there was a bigger amount that you lost in the process-the number of girls you lose varies depending on how on you were that night.

So was it good to lose girls those? You bet.

When you are banging that very girl you pulled you don’t think about the dozen you couldn’t pull home. You conveniently erase them from your memory.

Why Is It Then That We Don’t Like Losing And Refuse To Embrace Losing As Part Of The Game?



For every time you looked good in set there are more times when you looked bad. I refuse to accept not being rejected on my program. If a guy is not being rejected, he is playing “safe” game. You need to embrace losing to win. Like Paul Newman tells Tom Cruise in the movie “The Color of Money”, “I will teach you how to lose, son”. Uncomfortable, inconvenient, painful? Yes, sir. Necessary? Yes, too.

Fundamentals and Losing

I think the art of applying fundamentals is there for you to be able to stand “losing” and not allowing you to get sidetracked. When I teach “freedom from outcome”, one of the fundamentals, I encounter resistance in the student at first, then, once he sees what an advantage it is to be free from outcome, and how relax he can approach women without being obsessed with a result, he let’s go. A new avenue for exploration has opened itself up. He starts “getting it”.

This is something that cannot be grasped by logic or congruently explained but it is experiential, the same way enlightenment cannot be explained in terms of words because it is a state of mind and spirit. In other words the fundamentals must be experienced in order to be understood. The reality of it far exceeds any plausible explanation. That is why logical guys seem to finish last in this game.

How Much Should I Lose?

Religion says “lose everything, and then you will be free”. Our society goes the other way and says “Winning is everything. Don’t be a loser!” How can we reconcile these two? And if we do, what would we lose? Fear of losing at work.

Scarcity Mentality in Pick Up

Unless a guy is in the field consistently it is hard to understand the fundamentals. Anybody who approaches women regularly quickly realizes this “freedom from outcome” fundamental: he knows better than to go in a club looking for the quick result. He intuitively knows that the night is long and success could come anytime as long as he keeps approaching and is not affected by losing.

He develops a long term focus naturally and refuses to judge results based on one approach or one night. This long term vision is necessary for switching from the scarcity-“if I lose a girl, it means I will suck forever”- to the abundance paradigm with women-“there is more than plenty for everybody”.

Money is scarce-though some money gurus will tell you different-, food is scarce, and natural resources are scarce but women-an unlimited resource unless you live in a 200 people village.

Actually some of the scarcity mentality around women can be traced back in history to the fact that humans used to gather in small communities limited in female population in prehistoric times and yes; there were no clubs to go with hundreds of available girls! But not today. Even if you live in a remote village, you can move to a bigger town and solve the scarcity problem. Approach as many as you want, lose as many as you want, get as many as you want.

Yeah, yeah, we know all this. But still what’s the problem? Why guys react so bad against losing?

Society Rejects Losers as Defective Items

We live in a perfectionist society. Due to the influence of technology we have zero tolerance to error. Let’s face it: if the computer doesn’t work we buy a new one and discard the old, etc...We dump everything that is not working and replace it with something new, more perfect, more efficient. We live in this paradigm that to err is to be defective and the item must be replaced. We turn into defective items when we lose. It is a sin of modern society to err.

What happens in pickup?

You are such an item. Can you be replaced by a better one?

You are stuck with what you got.

That enrages people! We don’t want to be stuck and losing.

What if “being stuck” for a while is what you need right now? Unacceptable. Something must be done. What if I told you that there is nothing to be done. You are stuck with what you got: your imperfections, your virtues, your looks, your rejections in the field. You need to accept the process, not fight it. If you fight it, it is likely to get worse.

How To Spot You Are A Victim Of Losing Syndrome?

Take a piece of paper and draw 2 columns. In one write all the things you consider your “good qualities” and on the other your “bad qualities”. If your “bad qualities” far exceed the good quality list you are a victim of this “defective item” syndrome. You probably spend too much time trying to fix yourself because you look at yourself as defective, faulty, etc. you will encounter a lot of resistance submitting yourself to the practice of pick up, a discipline that requires tons of flexibility and ample room for error.

You probably are a “fixer upper”, somebody who focuses on problems and defects rather than strengths. Too much time in the dark and very little in the light. You will remain forever in darkness.

Coming Into the Light

The way you see the problem IS the problem. If you see yourself as defective that’s how you will present yourself to people. People will feel it coming out of you. It is involuntary, you cannot control this process. You can hide which is what most people do. Interactions with people become a race of how long it will take for them to figure you are “defective” before you can crawl your way out of the interaction into “your next set”. And it starts all over again. It is a recipe for failure.

You need to change the way you look at yourself. A new paradigm needs to be in place where you don’t feel defective when you make a mistake. There is room for error and imperfections. Realizing that there is no fixed structure to human interactions and that conversations could go anywhere is a good start. It will allow you not to try to control the outcome of a conversation. Of course, you need lots of practice for this. That’s why field is king. But you need to go in the field with the intention of practicing and changing the paradigm about how you see yourself. Reconciliation, not a split, between the dark and the light must take place in your head.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | May 27th, 2009 at 4:45 PM
DIWA (Do It While Afraid)

A lot of time is wasted thinking how to destroy fear, overcome approach anxiety, be more comfortable while there is a short cut to all this. It looks as if fear is the enemy. Haven’t you done anything while afraid? Have you ever jumped in a pool while thinking the water will be cold but you did it anyway?

If you think long and hard you will find you have done many things in your life while afraid. Not only that you accomplish your ultimate goal, scared. I played baseball for 8 + years and while I like this game there were moments when I was fearful and manage to get it done. Off the top of my head I remember home games with a bit of a crowd and me struggling to get a starting job in the line up up against much better peer players-some were out of professional leagues. I went out and went 2 for 3 on a home game against a tough pitcher. I got props from everybody including the coach. I did it all afraid. I was afraid to fail, in a sense every game was a try out for me. I was always proving my worth to the team because there were better guys around.

I DIWAed.

Discipline

Discipline means doing something that is not particularly fun to do. Ploughing through the pain of rejection in a club is probably not a fun thing. Now, the fear of such pain, not the pain itself, prevents us from making progress.

Pressing through the pain of rejection, confronting it, acknowledging it is a big part of the progress. To stand in front of a girl, trying to talk to her, reacting to her anger, you will probably feel a fear eating at you, the first time around. If you press on, rather than run away and hide, you will look at fear in the eye. You will lose respect for it because the pain in itself is never as big as the fear of it. It is like a bully that turns out to be less scary once you get to know him and see they are just real people with an attitude.

Last week I was in a club on bc with G and there is this huge guy walks up to us and gets on our face and G and me looked at each other and started laughing and talking to him. He eventually told us he was fucking with us. It was funny. That shit wouldn’t have been funny 4 or 5 years ago when I was a complete chode.

DIWA Principle Or Trying To Control Fear

Don’t fight your fears, don’t try to make them go away, acknowledge they are there...and do it afraid. See what happens.

“Introduce a little anarchy” joker says.

A great deal of energy is spent trying to hide your fears, destroying them, pretending they are not there. The worst thing you can do is pretend you are somebody you are not. Somebody with no weaknesses, somebody who is strong when he is not. I admit my weaknesses constantly. It is part of getting to know who I am. The truth will make you free. Hiding, running, pretending will keep you in bondage to your dark side. I cannot recommend strong enough that guys work on their shadow or shadow projections. Things that are under your level of consciousness that dominate your behaviour. There are plenty of books out there for shadow work so I won’t even bother to explain.

It is easy to identify your shadow if you determine the things that you hate in life or things that scare you. A common shadow part is weakness. Most males don’t want to look weak, so they avoid doing things that would show their weaknesses. Being the weak one or the rejected one is a big part of the shadow of males who need to put up an image of toughness in society, etc...Like I said it is all over the place.

“I Don’t Like To Go On Stage Unless I Have Butterflies In My Stomach” Or Something Like That.

I can’t remember the exact quote from Elvis. So true. Here is a guy who made a habit of doing it afraid. He knew himself so well and he knew that he was fallible. Too bad he was a self-destructive individual but the lesson remains. He knew he was afraid and he knew that it was normal and didn’t freak out.

I have made a lifestyle of doing it afraid. I have talked to audiences larger than I have thought I could, I have open groups that I knew were going to be tougher for me than I could handle, I have run programs in conditions I thought were impossible, etc., and you would think by this time I wouldn’t be afraid. Nope. I am still afraid. I suspect I will be for as long as I live. Fear is part of life. It is also a great signal for danger; it keeps us safe and alive. It tells you when something is not safe. Everything has a function in life even the things we don’t like so much.

I forced a student who was afraid once to open girls with “I am lost. I don’t know what I am doing here. Can you help me?” Because of his sincerity many girls wanted to talk to him and find out about him. Now if I had forced upon him some cocky opener and some tough it up attitude he would probably have failed miserably. It would have been pretending, incongruent, girls would have seen right through him.

Rejected=Unwanted!

When you are going through the pain of rejection realize is a good thing. Get excited. Going through something is good news; it means you are getting to the other side. Students hate plateaus in their game but going through a plateau is a sign of good things to come. When I start to get bored with my salsa routines, I know it is a good thing. Sooner or later I am going to get through to the other side and I will start enjoying my dancing. I am pretty sure I will find something new that I will enjoy. I don’t freak out, I just keep going through with it. It is good news. I am getting somewhere. I am excited about my next stage.

For some being rejected means being unwanted or unloved etc. that’s why we teach “approval from inside”. Every rejection will make it clear to you that a new paradigm needs to be formed. If you approve of yourself you wouldn’t seek people or women’s approval. That’s your first step. Finding ways to approve of yourself regardless of people’s approval.

Things You Could Do. Tap Into Your Real Self.

1. Say your honest opinion about something and stick to it throughout the night. Share it with people. Try to avoid gloom topics like war, death, etc...This is not appropriate for a Friday when people are trying to have fun. Don’t be a party pooper but in the same token stick to your guns, say “you find women shoes confusing” and stick to it. Approve of your opinion first yourself and then share it.

2. Put your real self on the line every time you talk to girls no matter how “uncool” it is. “Yeah, I love lord of the rings and every weekend I have a geek out party with my friends where we wear lord of the rings costumes as we watch all the movies. Sometimes the party goes until the very next day. I love it. I can’t believe frodo is actually gay.”Etc.

Do it while afraid you will be disapproved. It is exhilarating. You will end up loving these things, in fact, you will get addicted to sharing honestly who you are with people.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | June 10th, 2009 at 9:20 PM
So You Attract Weird Chick?

You attract what you are, not what you are trying to be. May be, all you are is a weirdo in a club at this point. Been there done that. No shame in it. If I look at the barrage of head cases I used to fuck I must admit that it was all me. None other. I was running all kinds of weird shit in my game that made girls fall into mental loops of liking me. Think about it. What sort of girls fall into mental loops? Loony ones. I was attracting the exact type of girls that was meant to attract with the type of crap I was running.

I was never myself, I hid my intentions all the time, I had phony memorized jokes and lines, etc... Who would fall for that? You guessed it, weird chicks. They would do crazy shit to be with me because my weirdness stroke a cord with theirs. Attraction guaranteed. But I was getting laid so that meant I was good, right? Really?

Something Terribly Wrong. Personality Functions

This is when pick up is a function of your personality, not who you are. It is simple. For example, you discover that when you are positive, people tend to give you more approval and you feel better about yourself. Then being positive becomes “a trick” in your bag, not real whatsoever.

Being positive is not you but you do it because it has a function. With repetition it becomes a function of your personality, a gimmick, a hook for people. But deep down inside you know that you are not. You are cheating. You haven’t build character; you have built personality functions that make you functional.

The Real You

Personality functions sub the real you. They push him down. They don’t let him out. In fact you can get so deep into personality functions that you will lose your real self forever. You don’t know who you are anymore. You become this mesh of personality functions that make you functional but not happy. Because you cannot be happy at the expense of the real you. The real you is sad because he cannot come out and play.

Real Self Vs. Social Self

Social self kicks in social situations. It is a like a bunch of personality functions you use to interact with people and get approval. It rarely represents who we really are. The social self is not interested in anything but approval. So it builds a persona that he knows people will approve of and in the process butchers, pushes down, and bullies the real self into submission. Ever met somebody that is name dropping all the time and talking about exclusive destinations he has travelled to ski or kill a fucking manatee? A guy like that has identified that society approves tacitly of wealthy people as worthy ones. So he uses this as a tool. Sadly enough it repels most people.

The Real Self

I stopped getting laid when I switched gears. I would go out and just be myself around girls but it would not get me attraction. For somebody used to getting laid almost on a weekly basis with new girls it was hard to accept that who I really was didn’t get me any pussy. I struggled for a while...and for a while.

May be the real self is not the way to go or so I thought while I walk the streets of Barcelona with Jeffy at night and approached anything with a pulse on a Tuesday night, a dead night by the way. This happened while Jlaix and me dropped routines altogether and dedicated ourselves to try to pull girls home with nothing but sheer enthusiasm at a time when routines and canned game ruled.

We hit upon a couple of things like self amusement. I remember doing the “super star” dance because it amused us. We would do some really fucking weird dancing moves -jeffy copied from a crazy guy in London- and teach them to girls. Then we would teach this to a couple of girls and then lots of people in the club would join us in the weird dance. It blew my mind to see this. All of a sudden we hit gold without meaning too.

There were other useful discoveries on the way to being natural like physical game, dance floor game, etc...But it was all experimentation; we never aimed for it as “game”. It was more like what we wanted to do at a certain point, etc.

Can I Say What I Want To Say?

Of course you can. There is one condition: you must not look for approval or outcome. If you do it becomes a personality function, not character. I am after character in the game. Personality functions not only are damaging to the real self but they are short term band aids on a bleeding wound that requires surgery. If you are serious about changing your life then don’t go for the quick fix that would make you miserable down the road. Sacrifice the instant gratification of personality functions for long term transformation. Uncover the real self and let it roam free. You cannot fake real growth, you must pay the price.

I usually ask for bold statements to guys: tell me something about you that would get you the least approval from a girl: “I ate my own buggarts growing up and I still do”...I want you to say that to a girl and shut up. Let her fill in the blanks. Let them judge you. Don’t judge yourself. Quiet your inner critic which is yelling in your head “don’t do that” “that’s so wrong on so many levels”.

Your inner critic is your social self. It maintains the status quo: prevents you from doing things it deems “dangerous “and it steers you towards things that make you “acceptable” to others. It is never happy with anything other than approval. But in this deal you will always be short changed. Your real self is the price you will be paying.

In the end you can’t fight truth. Conning, manipulation and hiding your true self are all personality functions, not character. True character is measured by how comfortable you are being yourself around people. Comfort means not paying attention to approval.

Fake It To Make It

I always had issues with this philosophy. It is still very popular and wide spread. My question is “how long can you fake something you are not?” Your true self will push through at some point. May be in other disciplines that philosophy pays but I have found it to be extremely counterproductive long term in this game. Why not become what you are meant to be in the first place? Draw energy from your true purpose in life. Start looking inside. No need to run around faking it.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | July 13th, 2009 at 3:51 PM
Intrinsic Value vs. DHV
Contrary to popular opinion, the more you approach people the more you realize they don’t expect from you as much as you think they do. You are more critical of yourself than people are toward you. It is a fact. You don’t have to have 3 amazing superman type stories told to them in the first 5 minutes. In other words there is no need to impress. People will talk to you anyway even if you are mildly interesting and cool. It turns out we put all the pressure on us for a grade A performance. People would just be pleased if you are just normal.

Value Coming Out Of Your Mouth Regardless

What makes what you say valuable. Think about it. It is coming from you. You are unique. There is none other. Even if you think you are a super dork with no social skills there is still value because you are a unique never to be repeated super dork. None other like you.

It Goes Back To Biology

You have an unique DNA, none other like you. You got unrepeatable finger prints. What proof you need to realize you are one of a kind.

It Goes Back To Personality

Personality is just one thing that would never be repeated. You have your personal history, family background and culture which despite certain common features with others is unrepeatable in itself. Why embellish it? Why fake being somebody you are not.

You are not Tom Cruise with amazing life stories to tell, your are just a regular dude. No need to be Tom Cruise to get laid. Most guys who get laid get attraction right off the bat, without telling many stories about themselves. It is understandable because communication is rarely about what is being said but about the subtext.

You can be saying the most retarded stuff but sub communicating the right stuff to a girl by being physical with her. Then attraction happens.

Why Demonstrate Something You Already Have Inside

What we have is so unique. Why overdo it with inane stories about yourself.

Well, males have a tendency to look for solutions outside. This tendency goes back to caveman days where the environment was supposed to supply food and shelter and males were supposed to go out and fix problems.

Males rarely look inside for cause of problems. They always scout the environment. Females go the opposite way. That’s why females are not victim thinkers as much as males. Women usually think that if there is a problem in the environment is their fault not anybody’s. That’s why women are more prone to depression than men.

In This Game

Male victim thinking makes guys go outside to look for value as opposed to find it inside themselves. They think something else or somebody else is the problem. The solution is never inside themselves but in the environment.

That’s why they always think they need something other than what they already have like an opener, a technique, state, etc. these are all things that they figure are outside themselves. They rarely introspect and think that they can open with anything about themselves-I love bananas!-, or draw state from inside rather than from girls’ reactions-environment has solutions for problems-. What happens when the environment fails to give them solutions for their inner scarcity? They crumble and fall. They become victims. They drop state because the environment fails to give positive feedback for their state to maintain. Solution is not in the environment but inside. That’s why it is so hard for guys to be outcomeless. We are always looking outside. We are agents of doing.

Say Something Boring

When I notice guys are trying to impress people I attack it head on program. I instruct to say something boring about themselves and then survive it. My student must approach and say “Hi, I wake up in the morning, brush my teeth, go to office, and check my mail. I rarely have any breakfast...” and so on.

After this exercise and getting a couple of girls attracted with this lame stuff they learn their lesson: people don’t expect as much from them as they thought first.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | July 24th, 2009 at 12:16 PM
Is Change Cyclical?
The western mind is geared to forward progress, forward change. Our culture is obsessed with forward motion. We want to go from point A to point B in the least amount of time...and all the way there we are asking ourselves “are we there yet?” “Where are we?” “How long do we have?”

Trained Dummies

All our culture is based on the idea that progress is linear. It is not even questioned. You invest a certain amount of time and effort and you get from one end of the pool to the other end of the pool. With more time and more effort and more training you can reduce –in a linear fashion- the time you do this to a swimming world record.

Wrong.

Linear Progress as an Illusion

It doesn’t take much to find out that this model for change is flawed. If change was linear we could change everything very easily. We just had to invest time, effort and money and voala. Change is done. We can move to the next thing.

On further examination linear progress is just a construct of our minds to somehow give a logical explanation of reality. But as we all know, reality is far from logical. If it was, we could all be millionaires tomorrow by investing in the “best” company in the stock market. Following a linear pattern, the company with the best fundamentals will steadily increase its stock value exponentially and will make us rich in time down the line. If that was true everybody will be rich. If everybody is rich what’s the point of having a stock exchange anyway?

Cycles of Change

Change operates in cycles just like nature does. Nature is cyclical and so are we. We cannot expect personal change and skill progress to be any different. It is against nature. It is not real.

Skills and personal changes go thru cyclical patterns. There are moments of spurts of progress and there are moments of sudden darkness, where nothing seems to be working.

It is not uncommon for me to receive emails from advanced guys in the game who are stuck at some point in their development where nothing seems to be working. They also complain that “forward progress” has stopped.

Well, forward progress is just an illusion to begin with. It is how we explain things but it is not the real thing. Forward progress is just how we make sense out of reality. However, this illusion of straight-onwards change is at the very foundation of most guy’s inner game. It is only a matter time before this illusion bites them in the ass.

Even economic experts, trained in logic, talk all the time about economic cycles. They always talk about riding the wave of economic changes and let the economy do the work for you.

Airplanes Never Fly On Route

May be this is a example to understand change. An airplane never sticks to its original course. It is always out of course but always gets to its destination. I think the same applies when we set goals for ourselves. We are most of the time blown off course, sometimes taking by-ways or secondary routes until we get back on track. However, without a goal we have no direction. We would be lost.

The Newbie’s Linear Progress

One of the things that feeds this myth of linear progress is how a newbie progresses in the game. The newbie that starts from scratch marches forward in an apparent linear manner. They go from not being able to approach to engaging girls and at times making out with them in the first night of BC. Their levels of excitement propels them to incredible results. Nothing can touch them. In their mind they are moving forward at 200 mph.

And in a sense they are right. At the beginning skills develop real quick but then the challenge of consistency starts to rear its ugly head. They find out pretty soon that producing those kinds of results on a regular basis take some lengthy repetition and practice.

However, guys get used to thinking that progress is linear and they are only going to get better in an increasingly linear fashion.

Needless to say, as they go out consistently they realize that change is not linear and it sometimes goes back and gets worse before it gets better. And that to get good at anything they have to plough thru rough periods or times where they are not getting what they expected-namely linear progress.

Negotiating Change

I teach guys that you have to become a master at negotiating change. We all have an inner resistance to change. We have to negotiate it every time.

A big part of negotiating change is understanding change. By knowing that change is not linear, we can welcome going backwards a little bit. We can adapt better to periods where nothing seems to be happening in our game. We can expect those moments and not obsess over them and keep doing our jobs like nothing happened.

We can adopt the mantra for hard times: “I don’t know where I am going but it is ok”. Sooner or later I will hit my stride if I don’t fuck with my head too much. It is all part of becoming a master of change.

I can think of Christopher Columbus in the middle of the ocean leading his expedition into the unknown and thinking “I don’t know where the fuck I am but I will keep going”. If Columbus believed in forward progress he would have quit his efforts to discover the new world long before he even started. It took him a long time and many backwards cycles-namely fund raising- to get his expedition off the ground.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | August 12th, 2009 at 3:41 PM
Why We Change
A lot have been said about change and what it takes to change. I don’t think I can add anything new that has not been out there in any way, matter or form.

I personally have experienced quite a few dramatic changes in my life too.

I have tried to explain, articulate, and teach what goes into changing to fail every time. I have learned bits and pieces here and there. I have taught those but there is always a lack of a defined map for change.

Changing The Scene

Many people change after a change of scenery.

I remember as far back as elementary school, changing schools was dramatic. I didn’t have the usual friends and the usual scenery. Even as a small child I was thrown into an uncharted territory and forced to thrive on my own. I remembered those school changes as forcing me to grow or sometimes retreat into a shell. I changed 3 times of schools and finally settled as I went into 7th grade into a school and environment where I felt I belonged more. I started doing better, practiced more sports, made more friends but it finally ended when I went to high school. I went to a dorm school and it really shook my foundations. This was by far the craziest environment I ever been thrown to, one that was hard adapt- it was a shock.

All these changes forced me to change who I was in order to adapt-of course, I was a kid growing up, forming a personality but still- they all stroke my core, my identity.

Identity level change. The accelerator

The accelerator for change is usually an event or a series of them. They send you into a major life transition be it a drastic change of scenery or a life event-death of a loved one-, or even a positive one-winning of the lottery.

Most people think the accelerator has to be a negative one. Contrary to popular opinion the accelerator for change can be a “positive” event. Some people become miserable after winning the lottery or inheriting a large sum of money. It turns out that saying good bye to their old life-read old identity-, is troublesome and sad even if their old identity sucks. They find themselves struggling to adapt to the new life or “identity”.

Going out 4 nights a week will challenge your usual routine of watching TV or surfing the net for endless hours. Even if watching TV sucks you will find it hard to change this habit. You will want to go back to that life after going out for a while. You want the comfort of your living room without girls. It sucks but you will want it. Even if you are making out with girls in bars and getting a lay here and there. I remember many a Friday coming back from work, tired and wanting to stay home and watch TV.

I recently changed my ultra lean diet for another one. The accelerator was seeing my buddy Goran breaking his abs in less than 2 weeks. I couldn’t believe it. So, I changed my diet and tried the new one. It was a good accelerator.

On my first day on the new diet, I had terrible headaches but kept going. It is going fine now.

Change Is Traumatic And Uncomfortable. It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

If you are stuck into an identity that is not making you very happy you will be thrown into hell if you want to change it. Moving out of an old identity is horrifying. Most people experience alienation, confusion, frustration and a million other painful forms of unease.

In a way you could say you are doing the right thing when you feel those negative emotions. Your emotional compass is telling you that real change is taking place. Your identity is changing. So it hurts.

Like going to the gym for the first time in years, makes every muscle in your body hurt for weeks on end, your new identity will make you ache inside.

Rejection And Pick Up

Being rejected on a regular basis is the price guys pay to get good at pick up. It takes a lot of getting used to. The pain of rejection is something your old identity doesn’t like and refuses to adapt to. Still it is a necessary change in your identity. You require adapting to this new scenery for it will bring you all the joy of banging girls that otherwise would be out of your league.

Internal validation implies a change of identity, a painful one, for guys are in the habit of being rewarded externally for what they do. Society teaches that over and over.

Eventually guys develop a sense of entitlement that is attractive to most girls out there but until that comes they need to go thru necessary identity level changes.

Change Can Be Comfortable. There Is A Map For Change

It looks like I am contradicting myself but I am not. You can study the map of change and predict it, even ride it comfortably.

The same way you can manipulate yourself out of a plateau in a learning curve- for you to do that, you need to know how a learning curve operates. Let’s say you are in a plateau, you can feel it, and all you have to do is to start doing something different.

Likewise there is a map for change. Your body will tell you. Your emotional compass can identify when there is an accelerator happening. It is identifiable because things become uncomfortable.

All change goes thru this sequence:

1. Accelerator/catharsis (my life sucks; girlfriend dumped me, no social life, I hit rock bottom with drugs or alcohol, etc.)
2. New life plan(decide to take a bootcamp, buy a DVD, read a book, writing down goals, new identity or life plan,)
3. Readjustment of plan according to changing reality (rejections, bad nights, good nights, Pu learning, old identity frame snap backs, etc...)
4. Land of milk and honey(fuck buddies, ltrs, threesomes)

If you follow this pattern change can be even enjoyable. This is the map you will use. All it takes is to know where you are in that sequence. Learning who you are is a huge part of making changes simple and comfortable. It takes honesty to understand and recognize where you are in that sequence.

Back To Square One

The point is that you don’t stay in step 4. Sooner rather than later you will find yourself stagnating and yearning for new changes in your life. Unforeseen things and events will make you go back to a catharsis or accelerator and force you to create a new life plan. Change will show its ugly head again. But is it ugly? Or, is it a sign of good things yet to come?

Habit Of Change

People who have been thru major life changes in the course of their existence are better equipped for change. Their internal compass will move like a fish in the water. They know intuitively the map of change. The same way happens when you learn a new language. For 1rs timers a new language proves to be a challenge. For people who already know another language, learning a new language is easier. They already know what it takes. They have an internal road map for learning languages. Same happens with change.

Another good example is break ups. People who learned the game go easily thru break ups. For most people breaking up with a girlfriend is painful and traumatizing. For guys in the game, they know how easy they can get another so this change is known and charted territory. They do better at it.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | August 21st, 2009 at 9:26 AM
The Middle Ground
“Winning isn’t everything, it is the only thing”, Coach Vince Lombardi.

According to sport history, one of the winningest coaches in History who regaled the world with popular quotes about winning. This take no prisoners attitude gained him praise and games.

Let’s look at his resume:

Honors

• In 1967, Highland Avenue in Green Bay, home to the Packers' Lambeau Field, was renamed for Lombardi.
• As part of the Lambeau Field renovation, a statue of Lombardi now stands on a plaza outside the stadium, in an overcoat grasping a program, as he did often on the sideline.
• In 1972, the Green Bay School District named its new junior high school (later a middle school) "Vincent T. Lombardi Junior High (Middle) School." It is located on Green Bay's southwest side.
• The football field at Old Bridge High School in Old Bridge, New Jersey, is called "Vince Lombardi Field." It has been called this since the 1970s, the field in Palisades Park is also known as "Vince Lombardi Field." His brother Joe attended the rededication ceremony in the 1990s.
• There is a Vince Lombardi Square (with a plaque dedication in the sidewalk on the square) near Sheepshead Bay Road and East 14th Street in Brooklyn, New York.
• Also in Brooklyn, there are two places in the Bensonhurst area, which are dedicated or rehonored in Vince Lombardi's honor: P.S. 204 on 15th Avenue and 81st Street is unofficially named the Vince Lombardi Public School, and the entire Bensonhurst stretch of 16th Avenue is dedicated by the City of New York as "Vince Lombardi Boulevard."
• The Vince Lombardi Service Area and park-and-ride is the northernmost rest area on the New Jersey Turnpike, at mileposts 116E on the Eastern Spur and 115.5W on the Western Spur. Outside the gift shop is a plaque about his life, which notes that he is buried in Mount Olivet Cemetery, Middletown, New Jersey.
• The Vincent T. Lombardi Council, No. 6552, Knights of Columbus, in Middletown, New Jersey, is named for him.
• The Vince Lombardi Cancer clinic at Aurora BayCare Medical Center in Green Bay is named after him.
• The Vincent T. Lombardi Center at Fordham University was named for the coach.
• The Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Center at Georgetown University is named in his honor.
• The Rotary Lombardi Award is given annually to the best college football lineman or linebacker.
• In 1969, Lombardi received the Silver Buffalo Award, the highest adult award given by the Boy Scouts of America.
• Immediately following his death in September 1970, the NFL's "World Championship Game Trophy" (first awarded in January 1967) was renamed the Vince Lombardi Trophy. It is given annually to the winner of the Super Bowl.
• Lombardi was enshrined in the NFL's Pro Football Hall of Fame, in Canton, Ohio, at its next induction ceremony in 1971.

Not bad. So far for the good stuff.

Other Coach Lombardi Qualities That Won’t Go Into History Books

He was famous for yelling and publicly embarrassing his players when mistakes were made. Players walked the tight rope when they were around him and some mistakes can be attributed to the high pressure to succeed he put on players.


He also rewarded them profusely in Pavlovian fashion when they won titles.

In his case, the million dollars those players were paid kind of ease the blow of harsh criticism. Business is business. But let’s look at this closely.

The Self Critic

How many of you would like to live with Coach Lombardi? How many would like to share 24 hours of their life with an outcome-dependent success freak. Yeah, I am sure some of the guys who praised him would not talk so highly of him if they were forced to live with him.

However, we would never want to share our lives with this guy but some of us live with a coach Lombardi in our heads. It is called the Self Critic. Every time you make a mistake it whips at you thoughts like “that was stupid”, “you sucked there” even for little things like dropping sugar on the floor of the kitchen. How many times have you told yourself “stupid” in your life time for little things like that, not to mention the big ones?

How many of you would give their kid to coach Lombardi to train even if you wanted him to succeed as a player?

The “Do-Or-Die” Thinking

This is a failure of the mind so as such it must be treated as a mistake in the way you see the world. When you suffer from “Do-or-Die” thinking you view a challenge as having only two distinct categories. Things are seen as black or white, without any shades of colour in between.

“Either I get the girl, or I am a loser”, “Either they like me right away or I get the hell out of there”, “Either I make out in the first 20 minutes of approaching or my night sucks-or I suck”...etc. you get my drift.

As you notice here in those thoughts, they are either/or. But the criteria for success are so narrow that guys are guaranteed to always fail. They are doomed to negative outcomes because the margin for error is so wide-getting the girl or suck-, they will fail hopelessly most of the time. Then Coach Lombardi appears in their heads and starts the public humiliation or self lashing. Those guys don’t survive long in this game because only perfect is good enough.

Others imagine to succeed with good looking women they must be good looking. In their heads “good looking” is Brad Pitt good looking or model types. As you can see not many people are movie star good looking. So the bar for success with women is so high it prevents them from trying. “Why try? They will reject me. I am not Brad Pitt”.

Not until you address this flaw in your thinking process you won’t get rid of your private coach Lombardi.

It doesn’t mean we will become under achievers-that’s what Coach Lombardi will tell you-, but we will be able to tolerate the trial and error necessary to improve our game.

Coach Lombardi Times

I will enumerate the most common times where Coach Lombardi rears its ugly head during your night out.

1. At the beginning of the night: we are not warmed yet and we are more likely to make calibration mistakes, etc.
2. When we lose a girl, after a long interaction and we thought we had her.
3. When the end of the night is coming and we didn’t get anything yet. It is common for guys to try and do at this time what they should have done before. Kind of procrastination.
4. We have a long string of rejection, for example, three bad sets in a row might trigger criticism inside your head.

So next time out, watch for the bad coach yelling at you inside your head and shut his voice down. It is more fun that way.

The Middle Ground

Doing well but not perfectly. Doing it poorly but getting it done. Those are some of things that would help you put some shades of grey in your performance.

Create a mindset where good enough is good enough. Sometimes you don’t create a first good impression on your girls but think you can fix it down the road: you can succeed despite a bad first impression.

When the set seems to be going nowhere this is when I lay back and not panic. I don’t flagellate myself for it and just lean back and re-engage them. This persistence pays dividends down the road. Interactions never go in a straight line. Allow room for temporary setbacks.

Low points, awkward silences, shit tests are all part of human conversations. You must welcome them as natural parts of the game. You might find that the girl that rejected you at the beginning of the night finds you attractive 2 hours later and goes home with you. Even the same girl can change her moods towards you 5 minutes later of being rude to you.

Allow enough middle ground for success in your interactions and you will find yourself happier, and your interactions getting longer. I don’t worry when half of the girls in a group like me and the other half hate me. I know it will balance out somewhere down the line. Some of the pissed off ones want you bad.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | September 16th, 2009 at 1:25 PM
The Opposite of Rejection
Last week on program, as I opened the hottest group in my vicinity,

and by far the hottest girl in the club that night - I open the sets nobody wants to open - I got some unlikely hardcore rejection coming in. The not-so-hot girl in the set put her hand in front of my face in a “Stop now” motion.

It is very unlikely for this to happen but when it does it never ceases to amaze me how much of a hard on I get - I love the challenge. Why? I know this from experience: if I am able to turn this rejection around coming in, the girls in the set want to sleep with me. They get mesmerized by how easy I handle rejection.

Anyway, I stuck in, plowed and it turned out the not-hot girl was half drunk and her boyfriend too. Cool. Immediately the hottest girl want to talk to me and we initiate a chat and it turns out she speaks a bit of Spanish and we talk and get physical very quickly as she is leaning into me like a motherfucker. I can breathe her hottie smell. She is supper friendly as all truly hot girls are with no hang ups or inferiority complexes. Sooner rather than later her not-hot friend and boyfriend disappear leaving us alone. I introduced the hot girl to my student who is standing there watching me. He gets excited and goes kino on her ass.

Now, most guys would have walked away when they get this type of rejection coming in.

Unfortunately they don’t see the silver lining whatsoever. Rejection as an opportunity to show how strong you are internally.

I literally make guys provoke rejection in women in order for them to be able to survive a bad first impression. I give them all kinds of retarded openers, make them approach on one leg, make them open with embarrassing statements about themselves, make them approach women in “impossible” scenarios etc. All this to make them fail, get up, get over and keep walking. Just like a kid would do with no self-consciousness whatsoever.

Little children fall all the time, cry, get up and keep playing. That’s my ultimate goal with guys on program. No matter how many times they fall they must go back in time and become like a kid again: egoless, spotless, impervious to bullets.

Create Opportunities for Rejection

Most fear of rejection is killed when you realized it is not life or death. You won’t die from a rejection. Chances are you are likely to get excited because you dared to do something brave like opening the toughest set in the club etc.

Opportunities for rejection are plenty in a club. However, you can create them. Expose yourself to being blown out and you will grow faster in the game. The goal is not to avoid rejection but to lose our fear of it.

What I found in my own practice is the hotter the girl, the better. So if I get rejected by a hot girl it really turns me on to try it again. The bummer is that most hot girls are friendly and rarely have an attitude. It is just the skunks, midgets and fatties who are defensive. It doesn’t turn me on as much being rejected by a fattie since I have no vested interest in her talking to me.

“I Made A Fool Of Myself”

Most guys dread this. However, there is a major therapeutic value in looking like a fool sometimes. You won’t take yourself so seriously and approaching would not seem like a burden to you. “Now, I have to approach, puffff..”: most guys don’t want to look bad.

Read Mastery by George Leonard and you will find that a key to mastery is to risk looking like a fool, taking chances, risking being rejected etc.

I made a habit of looking bad in front of others. I do it so much I don’t even notice it anymore. I clown so much in public places with my students that I think I embarrass them half the time. Because I do this embarrassing things, my students are not afraid to look bad anymore. Most times we both do embarrassing things together while I film people’s reactions etc. after students see the film they get excited to find out how people don’t give a damn about what you are doing.

Making a fool of yourself should be your credo.

Guide to Look Bad

1. Write down your top 2 fears in a club
2. Put yourself in a situation likely to cause your top 2 fears
3. Repeat

Let’s say your top fear is “rejection by a hot girl”. So you must approach hot girls in order to elicit those fears in you. You will be surprised how those feared scenarios rarely happen. You will kill your fear.

Don’t Entertain Yourself with Your Dark Side

Refuse to evaluate those situations after you have dared to look bad. Don’t curse, criticize or otherwise flagellate yourself for looking bad. Your only goal was to look like an idiot. You did. Mission accomplished. You are golden. Keep doing it and you will eventually not even think about what you have just done. Get negative evaluations about yourself out of your system. You are a champ because you dared. You tried. Make this your only philosophy.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | October 14th, 2009 at 12:31 PM
The Body Language Issue

“The body is just a convenient carrier for the mind” or “I think, therefore I exist”, “the mind controls the body” etc., are some of the axioms upon which our western culture have been built. All this has done over time is give priority to mind over matter, body, that is. Through the all mighty brain the body can be controlled, subdued, made to act like a puppet on a theatre show.

All they are saying is that logic is king and that emotions, those feelings coming from your body should be ignored - especially gut feelings. We have been indoctrinated over and over by this.

School

Sit up straight, don’t fidget, memorize, accumulate, dissect, pigeon hole, classify, name etc...Conform to logic, ignore impulses, etc.

School is probably the number one Crusader for logic and no surprise, the number 1 killer of emotional life. From the moment you enter a classroom and you have to sit quietly and repeat things and conform to the status quo for 5 to 8 hours to systematic emphasis on intelligence-logical thinking- over emotions. Various tests, drills, and evaluations are doled out to you to see how good you are “at problem solving”, another word for logic.

It is not surprising that many find solace in logic as they grow up. “Because my daddy was poor, it is natural that I am poor too”, “because I am not good looking I cannot be a success with the girls”, “I was never good with women so that’s why I am stuck today”... etc. All of these rationalizations come from logic. It is comfortable to know things have a reason to be or to happen. That’s why it doesn’t make sense when you see an ugly, somehow fucked up looking dude walking out of the club with a beautiful girl. Your mind goes “how did that happen?” meaning there is no logic behind it.

Magazines or the Business of Making You Feel Inadequate

They tell you if you don’t look perfect or have a great body you have no reason to exist in this planet. You are garbage.

Also if you are not rich or famous like those dudes there, you are a lower specimen of a human being. This is all logic by the way. If you were a success you will be in the magazines. Society is forcing this hate logic down your throat. If you are not rich or famous or infamous you have no right to be happy. Die in hell.

At Work

You have to give the appearance of being in control. To do that you learn over the years-you started doing this at school so it is natural- to block your emotions from showing up. To do that you shut down all your body sensations and let the mind take over.

No matter how pissed off you are at your boss, you have to shut that anger down or it would cost you your job. You simply have to disconnect from your body to do that. You do that often-if you have a 24/7 asshole for a boss- and you get good at it... at the expense of your body. You start hating any sensation of feeling coming from the body. People disconnect from their body so much they become robots. “I don’t know how to feel or have an opinion on anything”. Apathy. Thought police hard at work.

Logic and Body Language

You realize why it is so hard to get in state to approach girls because you don’t find a single reason to be happy right now. There is no logic behind it. You can force yourself to get into that mega state but it will quickly fade away because there is no real reason for it: you haven’t won the lottery; you haven’t had an amazing success at anything, etc...Your mind is ruling your body right now.

Sooner rather than later your mind will start sending your body instructions like “you are a loser” “you suck at this” “not going to happen tonight so you better go home”. Your body will reflect these thoughts by slumping down, dragging your feet, no smile on your face, walking aimlessly “looking for a set”, “better talk to friends or get drunk because I will look awkward here”, etc.

By the time you approach a girl –you have to do your approaches according to the pua bible- your body language is so poor you immediately communicate to the girl “I don’t deserve you” and the girl brushes you off. A man would tell you off too. You are reeking of failure and logic.

Emotions and Pick Up

By the time you grow up and come to the game, chances are you have no connection with your body and you are not in the habit of using gut feelings or improvise based on emotions. Actually you are in the habit of shutting your body down because emotions are not welcome in the logical world.

Once you lose touch with your emotion due to excess logic it is like trying to find something in the dark. You cannot see. Since the only way to be emotional-happy, excited, uplifting, funny, playful- is by and through feeling those feelings in your body-not your head-, you are handicapped in the field. You cannot excite or talk to anybody properly. Kind of having no heart, not knowing even where it is.

But people relate to emotions in a club, not to logic. Not being able to feel anything hinders your capacity to talk to people and engage them positively. You might strike short conversations but as soon as logic rears its ugly head you find yourself swimming for attention. People simply don’t want to talk to you.

Unlocking The Power Inside

I ask my students “what are the chances of telling a girl you are a janitor in the first 5 minutes of the interaction?” Suppose you really were a janitor. None. May be 2 out of 10... Those are the usual answers. Logic at work.

Then I go “what are the chances of telling a girl that you wear a yellow night gown around the house because it is silky and comfy in the first 5 minutes of meeting her?” Suppose you really do wear such a gown. No chance. May be 2 out of 10, etc...Those are the usual answers. “Why not?” I ask. The answers usually go along the lines “that would not impress her”.

Then I make them approach a girl by saying “I want you to know I wear a yellow night gown around the house because I find it silky and smooth and slightly tingly”.

Bam! Girl is giggling. They do their best interaction for the night.

Saying What You Feel Like Saying or the Road to Congruency

This goes a long way in pick up. Once we depart from scripted game we get into uncharted territory. We have no means or “tools” to impress anymore. We need to dig and find our own resources to talk to people. Once we declare independence from lines and scripts we are on our own. The first step is to reconnect with our emotions, feelings. But we are cut off from them so by doing things like the one above we get one step closer to our real self.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | October 23rd, 2009 at 1:03 PM
Are You Biased?
All of us are biased. It is not what we see but what we want to see. This is a fact. There is no discussion about it. Proof is that most people will have different reads for the same situation based on the colouring of their own personalities.

The Sugar Coat

Once I met this guy who annoyed me. I was curious as to why he had such power over me. I couldn’t control myself. This guy would see everything as a plus. He would talk positive all the time and seemed to be happy all the time like T.R. on steroids. It repulsed me. If he missed his plane, he would say: “I will find something to do while I wait for the next. I will answer my mail”. If I missed a plane, I created all kinds of drama and felt miserable until the next plane arrived.

I couldn’t do what he did because we had different reads on a situation. In my case, I couldn’t see the positive in a negative situation. He could or wanted to see only the positive in a negative situation.

We were bound to clash.

I avoided him on purpose. I couldn’t take his unflinching enthusiasm. I thought he was a retard.

Why This Happens

People biased towards problem-solving (logical) spot problems everywhere. They rarely see opportunity.

I was a problem solver, a realist. My annoying friend was opportunity-minded.

It is 2 entirely different mindsets. One – the problem solver- walks around with the world on his shoulders trying to find a fix for all things crooked, while the opportunity-oriented guy walks calmly with no burdens to carry. He just travels through life effortlessly bent on the positive, never on the negative.

We are toilet-trained to find loopholes and fix them from the day we are born. It is hard to shed this “fixer upper” mentality. It actually turns into a drag as we grow up. Why? Because there is always something to fix. The old “whack-a-mole” game is a good metaphor to describe this state of mind.

No matter how many mole heads you hit, there are more coming up and sooner rather than later you will be sent into a frenzy trying to hit mole heads that keep popping up.

Growing Problems

The more you bend yourself on fixing a problem in your personality, the more it grows and becomes bigger.

You play to your strengths, never to your weaknesses. When you are in the middle of the action, there is no time for fixing. You got to play. I remember this little short stop, David Eckstein, who used to play for the Anaheim Angels. He was short and kind of weak for a steroid filled game. I think he got some kind of record for being hit by pitches. He would crowd the plate and let himself be hit by the pitcher and so he gained lots of bases in this fashion - he was not a good hitter. He found his strength in the middle of his weakness. Opportunity-minded. How can you fix the problem of “being small”? You can’t really. He was a crucial part of his team’s 2002 World Series success. Watch him in action.


His bunts sacrifices and hit-by-pitches were instrumental in his team’s success.

It is not what you got but what you do with it.

DAVID ECKSTEIN’S CREDO

1. Take whatever you can out there and turn it into an opportunity even being hit in the head by 95 mile-an-hour fast ball.
2. Use body to crowd plate.
3. Squat as much as possible so strike zone gets smaller for pitcher.
4. Being small is an advantage, not a disadvantage

As a result of his hardcore credo, here are his credentials:

Career highlights

• 2006 Holiday Inn Look Again Player of the Year
• 2-time World Series Champion (2002 Anaheim Angels, 2006 St. Louis Cardinals)
• 2006 World Series MVP
• 2-time All-Star (2005, 2006)
• Babe Ruth Award winner (2006)
• Inaugural winner of the Major League Baseball Players Alumni Association's Heart & Hustle Award in 2005.

Not bad for a midget player. Many guys including Barry Fucking Bonds don’t have a World Series Ring on their finger.

In What Ways You Are Like David Eckstein. In What Ways You Are Not

I ask you: “Can you learn from bad nights too?” Your true colours will be revealed by adversity, not by success. Can you go back in your head and find the good things you did on a so-called “bad night” in a club? I am sure you can. It is going to be hard because all you want to do is go back and “fix it” but you can’t. Night is over. Can you remember the things you did well? Can you focus on opportunity?

But how can I improve if I don’t correct myself? How can I fix my problems if I don’t spot them?

Remember that there is a difference between fixing a problem and “fixing” yourself. Don’t be problem-minded, be opportunity-minded. You will travel lighter and better.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | November 4th, 2009 at 2:38 PM
Trickery

The fox is the animal used in mythology to represent trickery. Taking shortcuts.

Other symbols were used like the following.

The myth of the trickster is so commonly represented that it has lost somewhat of its negative meaning. Even Pinocchio runs into a couple of tricksters who convinced him about doing certain things, which threw Pinocchio off his course.

Basically that’s the function of trickery. It throws you off the course of real learning. I have used trickery until it was too late to realize what I was doing. No such a thing as too late.

“Real growth cannot be faked. You must pay the price.” Steven Covey

That applies to everything and anything. For example, plenty of dating companies have gone down the toilet or are semi-active today. The reasons are many: no foundations whatsoever, no business model to stick to in hard times, no solid teaching fundamentals. They just grew at a time where you could sell anything because consumers had money to burn. It was not real growth. When the market boiled down, they ended up where they started.

Growth is a slow maturation process, emphasis on slow. There are really no shortcuts. I remember almost 5 years ago trying to emulate Tim, Tyler and Jeffy’s programs and not measuring up every time. I couldn’t bring what they brought to the table because they have walked the path of growth in teaching this thing. I was way too anxious about results. As a consequence, I was always trailing and taking whatever they gave me to improve my program. Years later, I realized I couldn’t force growth; it had to happen on its own. Pay the price.

Modern Trickery

Today we got planes, cars, internet, iphones which all give you the impressions that distances are shorter, time is not a problem, etc.

That still applies to the outer world. We can all say that we have more time because we have machines that do what 20 servants would do for you in the middle ages. Computers, washing machines, internet shopping, microwaves, vacuums, etc.

This trickery to cheat time is ok as long as we see it for what it is. Just trickery to cheat time and space. Get a job done.

Trickery and Skill Learning

There is a self-discovery process when you learn a skill. When Zen Buddhists learn the art of archery they are not learning how to shoot an arrow. They are learning about themselves. They use it as a form of meditation. It is a process by which you learn about yourself, your inner tendencies, how you deal with your frustration, with your internal chaos, etc.

This process cannot be accelerated more than it should. In fact, trying to accelerate this self-discovery can be counterproductive. You are only going as fast as you can.

It is mind boggling to me the tremendous progress a student can make in one night compared to 5 years ago and still you hear “can I go any faster?”. Yes, you could. But would you really want to?

You are already going faster than any chode out there. You are probably driving at 100 mph compared to the 25 mph you were doing yesterday.

In the back of your head, “modern trickery” rears its ugly head. We don’t even see it, but it is there. It makes us anxious, tense and self-conscious - all negative things to learn a skill which requires presence of mind, relaxation and a learning disposition.

Modern Trickery as Applied to Pick Up

Faking state, using opening lines, cleverly crafted jokes, drug and alcohol induced pick up, reaction seeking material, etc., are part of the modern trickery to fake real growth, namely, bringing your best self to people.

I hear my students say “I used to drink alcohol to approach before this program. I realized I don’t need it anymore”. Modern trickery at work.

Being yourself doesn’t cost anything

Yes, but it is hard as fuck. Talking to people from a place of honesty, discarding their liking you or not as a way to get confident, being out there with your naked self is not easy. Reason why few guys get laid.

We all want to be liked and avoid disapproval as much as possible even if it doesn’t mean anything in the middle of a crowded club. Approval is like candy, we all want it.

This is the reason people thrive on shortcuts. They want the modern trickery. If they can’t find it, they will search the earth for something that resembles it.

Things Get Worse Before They Get Better

Everything looks bad in the middle. If you look at a pie in the oven while it is half baked it doesn’t look good at all. It takes a while before they get their golden colour and tasty looks.

So will your skills in the middle. Nothing would look remotely successful. Blowouts, awkwardness, half-finished interactions, girls taking over your conversation and tooling you, etc. - a work in progress. If you keep your eyes on the growth process of it, you will have no problem. However, if you start thinking of modern trickery, you will delay rather than speed up your growth.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | November 9th, 2009 at 4:28 PM
Can’t Sing, Can’t Dance, Have No Talent But...
They got no talent according to the bullying jury of X factor but they will win one of the world’s famous talent competitions. If you see the fearless twins perform, you can’t really blame the sour-souled judges for being so critical - harsh criticsm that appears to make no dent in the young brothers' good spirits. However, despite it all, not only will they win the competition, they are likely to get a juicy record deal after the program is over. Apparently you can suck and still make it.

I Have Zero Interest in Pickup

After all these years the more I talk about pickup, the more I lose interest in the topic. I don’t do pickup anymore. I got zero openers, no tactics to speak of, no general strategy, no phone text tips to give you, no pull grand plan or whatever. No attraction switches, buying temperature spikes, or rapport to build. I got nothing.


I also have no interest in teaching it to guys.

I found the more I stay away from the topic of pickup the better. I forbid pickup language in my programs because I am repulsed by it. I have a general dislike of talking of pickup for the sake of talking about something.

There is a general sense of dislike when you talk about pickup. The mood goes down, people turn logical, and black holes in the form of “sticking points” start to show their ugly head.

Maybe it is a projection of mine. I used to be all about that crap. That’s all I would talk about. As years went by, I learned to hate this jargon crap. All it did was put me in my head.

What’s the Game Today?

I think Jeffy said it is a “whoosh!” or something along those lines. I tend to agree with that type of talk devoid of anything logical.

I also think it is about the killing, subduing and managing of fear. Fear to do all the things you don’t dare to do today or don't allow yourself to do. It has nothing to do with “game”. There is no safe way of doing those things, no matter how much pickup theory you read. There is no way to tip-toe around rejection. It has to be dealt with. Trying to learn the game “safely” is as useless as trying to learn to swim without getting wet. A contradiction in itself.

“Tell Them, Boss”

You think you are weird - walk up to the hottest girl in the club and tell her “I want you to know that girls think I am weird”. You think you can’t get girls - walk up to the hottest group in the club and tell them “Guys, I don’t think I can get a girl. I am so weird”. Make a pause after you say that. Breathe in the fear.

The Onion Theory

Many layers of fear are peeled over a weekend program. Still there is much work to be done after program in terms of skinning, digging and consistent destruction of fear. These days I sit with guys for over an hour and discuss a game plan for the next 3 months where we agree on goals and levels of commitment, etc.

These layers have been built over the years to protect yourself from rejection, fear of disapproval, failure, etc. These layers need to be removed for the true self to come through. Your most confident and comfortable self. Being content under your own skin. No need for add-ons. We all have that core. We all go through the peeling process to reach it.

The Ugly Old Onion

Let’s see this poem I found randomly in the net.

Poem: The Onion

I was an onion before Christ set me free.
Layers upon layers of iniquity.
An ugly old onion whose fragrance was strong;
That my Jesus bought and loved all along.

Unknown to me what He was going to do.
Of what He was planning, I had not a clue.
Pulling each layer off one by one.
In order to make me more like Jesus the Son.

Not really. I disagree.

“An ugly old onion”: this is how most guys look at themselves. They figure they don’t have any attractive qualities that a female would like. Au contraire! Pardon my French.

Talking about strong fragrance, I ordered a BC student to open groups by talking about his armpit sweat which by the way was a cause of concern for him. He found out plenty of hot girls told him they have similar concerns about their bodily functions. They stroke conversations about stinking and they found common ground.


Nice. Hot women are human beings too: they smell, shit, fart and feel awkward too in social situations.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | November 25th, 2009 at 9:18 PM
First Approach of the Night Shenanigans
I am used to my first approach of the night opening well and getting comfortable socially right off the bat.

I guess this is a bad habit too.

Last weekend on my first day of program, as I lead off the charge into a crowded night club, my first didn’t go as swimmingly. I approached a 1girl-2guy group and of all things, the girl is the one that is trying to get rid of me. The guys are cool and extremely friendly, re-engaging me but the girl keeps saying for me to fuck off because she was talking to the guys first - what?. Exactly. I hung in there as long as I could, grabbing the girl, holding her hand as I talked to the guys and continually trying to turn it around to no avail. I guess it was my “pickup” ego dictating “you must perform in all situations”, “you must be perfect”, etc. I hung in there for as long as I could, until I proceeded to open an adjacent set that blew right open. It is important to notice how after you have been through some severe plowing, every other set looks easy.

Fast forward to next day. I lead the charge again into a different, but highly challenging night club - way hotter girls, sky high energy, all dance floor, etc. I open my first couple set - guy and girl - despite Goran’s remarks “not to open that set”. I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about - I fade in and out. Well, I found out very quickly what Goran was talking about. The girl was crying and the guy looked extremely sad. I walked into this. Right off the bat, they are extremely emotional both of them like somebody has delivered bad news to them, like a dead relative or something. My guess it was a couple breaking up. Anyway, I plowed on and grabbed the guy, tried to talk to the girl, she can’t talk due to the fact she is crying and shit. Guy is extremely apologetic and politely asks me to give them a minute. I immediately open a 3 girl set sitting down next to them, which blew open right away. I guess it only takes a worst case scenario to kill all your fears and make your next set easier.

I have made a habit of walking into seemingly impossible situations as a cure for all my fears. Later on that night, I walked into a 2 set, again super hot blonde engaged by huge bodybuilding type of dude.

I ignored guy, kept engaging blonde and grabbing her. As the set starts to take off, the guy, sick of being ignored, introduces himself to me. As I say my name to him he blurts out “You are Ozzie from RSD, you are trying to blow me off. That’s so cool!” The guy is a community guy and we start chatting as the blond stands there listening to us talk about RSD and the community and what have you. I give him props for approaching one of the hottest girls in the club that night, etc. This was the last thing in my mind coming in, that I will be “identified”.

The Unexpected

Expect the unexpected and keep going. There is a video in your head about how things must go. If reality doesn’t fit the script, there is a huge breakdown mentally. In social situations, there is no script. One thing I can almost guarantee whatever your script is about how things must go it will be challenged, mostly destroyed by the weight of gravity - the reality of the game. In the same way, reality can exceed your expectations. Things in general go better than expected. Your script might be surpassed by what happens to you. The map is never the territory.

Too many variables to control to even care. As Steven Covey says you must only be concerned with those things that are under your control. This is the essence of “proactiveness” vs. “reactiveness”. Peoples' reactions to you fall under the realm of “out of your control” so why focus on them.

Once Bitten, Twice....

It doesn’t matter how long you are in the field, you are likely to “relearn” your lessons almost every other night. I encourage my students to constantly “recycle” their knowledge by helping others on the forum. I used to do that before I became an instructor for free. It paid for me to help others by constantly recycling things I had learned before. No question in a forum is “retarded” per se; you need to establish where the poster is coming from. That would recycle your knowledge about the situation, I don’t care how newbie the question is. Ignore the negative threads though because there is hardly any value in them.

Also in the field, keep doing those little things that made you successful in the beginning but you don’t want to do anymore because you are “over” them. It is important to remember you are not over anything. Things will come back to you that you thought you had passed, over and over.

Can’t Resist Chocolate

Due to my low carb diet I have huge cravings for sweets during the week. Can’t wait for my carb days which are Friday and Saturday. The other day, I came home and ate all the bonbons my girlfriend was saving for friends. She was pissed. She hides them now.

You can’t resist performing well all the time. It is a drug. Just like chocolate, it gives you a quick high. Keep reminding yourself “You don’t need chocolate”. You can live without it and healthier. Same with perfection, there is no need for it but you crave it.

[TobiasK]

BY Ozzie | November 30th, 2009 at 8:55 PM
Fun and Work
I found this and thought about sharing it with the board.
“H.R. executives of major corporations were asked for stories of unusual behaviour by job applicants. The responses were:

1. "...stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."
2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time."
3. "A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to the office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."
4. "...asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the executive was qualified to judge the candidate."
5. "...announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and French fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve."
6. "Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm."
7. "Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions."
8. "When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office."
9. "At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumb-struck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left."
10. "... Pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him."
11. "Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much."
12. "During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized, and said he had to leave for another interview."
13. "A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: 'Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?' I said, 'I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further.' He promptly responded, 'I am, as long as you'll pay me more.' I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer."
14. "Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one."
15.

Fun and Bootcamp

At first, I didn’t quite understand the concept that Tim was introducing. I have to admit to be even critical of it. He proposed “have a party” when you go to a club. It was hard for me to remove the outcome orientation of “getting laid” from the pickup equation. I thought I was cheating myself.

However, the evidence is overwhelming. People are more productive when they are enjoying what they are doing. Work and play should go together.

Side note: excessive orientation to work or a specific outcome will render you unproductive.

One night on BC, I spent the whole night monitoring and maintaining my student’s state. Next day I asked them to draw a chart of their state throughout the night. Coincidentally, they did their best job when the chart hit peak or “functional” state.

The Way of the Master

“My father actually moved out from Chicago just so he could play tennis 365 days a year, so it was - it was a place we played every day. We played before school. We played after school. We woke up. We played tennis. We brushed our teeth in that order.” (Andre Agassi)

Enjoying the process is not new. There is no outcome dependence in Agassi’s quote.

Having a vacation when you go to a club is where you are going to find the meat of your practice. Take a holiday in the club, relax, shoot the shit with a girl, take it easy and find your party in the party.

You won’t find a master at anything that doesn’t enjoy what he does for the sake of it. Find a way to like going to clubs and talking to chicks. Outcome dependence takes the fun out of it. I am likely to have more fun on the dance floor when I don’t have any real outcome except for dancing.

Have Small and Achievable Goals

This works for me. If I am able to chunk down anything that I am doing into something smaller and seemingly attainable, it is likely to get me going faster than having impressive outcomes to get. If I dance, I am going to focus on doing one move the entire night until I have it down. I don’t care if I don’t get it right half the time. But one simple move. No more.

Can I read a chapter of a book at a time? I focus on reading a chapter only. I don’t care about the rest of the book.

This is applicable to approaching women too.

You need to find the process that works for you.

Typewriters

Some writers stick to their old typewriters for a reason. I thought it was stupid but I found the reason why they do this. They don’t want to be distracted with internet or anything at their fingertips. Readily available information can be a huge distraction and production will go down. Too bad we are hooked on the internet as a source of entertainment.

.....when asked how he writes, Frederick Forsyth has a simple answer. "With a typewriter." He admits this is to avoid the more difficult business of describing his creative process, but it also means he can celebrate old friends. There was the steel-cased portable he used as a foreign correspondent in the 1960s. "It had a crease across the lid which was done by a bullet in Biafra. It just kept tapping away. It didn't need power, it didn't need batteries, it didn't need recharging. One ribbon went back and forward and back until it was a rag, almost, and out came the dispatches."

There you go. Minimalistic but effective. This guy has written plenty of bestsellers using this old fashioned tool.