Alex@RSD samlade artiklar

[TobiasK]

We get to my place and the girl is astonished with the view at night. I lived in Hunters hill and the view from the place was really beautiful. I pay taxi chode and send him off into the night. We head up the stairs to the kitchen. The house is quiet and dark. I turn on lights, turn on music and get out some drinks. I’m relieved to be home and clear of any more potential drama bullshit. I know that even if we ordered a taxi right now, it might be impossible to get one at this time of the night. I can’t drive because I have been drinking. As Bear Gyrlls would say, we’re landlocked.

I’m in the fridge getting some beer for myself and the girl commands me “You get me drink!” I get her some wine.

Right now I couldn’t be happier. Here I am in my place, with the gorgeous girl harassing me, drinking beer and listening to music. I start shooting nerf hoops because I love that game. The girl wants to play, but I tell her she can’t. Only Russians are allowed to play, she is inferior to nerf hoops. I entertain myself hugely.

“OH COME-ON! Assssssssssssssssss hoooooooooooooooole.”

I keep shooting hoops and dancing and drinking.

“You give me turn!” and she tries to steal the ball away from me.

“No! Drink your drink and sit on the dog couch, no nerf hoops for you!” I pick her up and put her on the dog couch. Yuk for her. By now it can’t-not be on so I decide to indulge in a little self-entertainment.

“OH COME-ON, you give me turn!” She attacks me again trying to get the ball. I hold her back with one hand and keep playing. She is getting more aggressive. She is funny when she’s frustrated.

“OH! You are an assssssssssssssss hoooooooooooole”

I hold the ball out to her in an offer for her to have a turn at nerf hoops, though I doubt that a glamorous Polish girl would be very good at the nerf hoops. I hold the ball out and she lunges for it desperately. I move my hand and she misses. I laugh. This is very entertaining. Here is a person who is used to people waiting on her hand and foot, and now she is getting all confused that it’s not happening.

“ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS HOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE!”

I lift her up and put her on the hairy dog couch again and laugh. This is all very funny. She jumps off it like a cat trying to avoid a bath.

“SO!? Where are the people for this party then asshole?!...”

Ignore, swish.

“…you get me drink!”

Ignore. Shoot, miss. Dammit. Beer.

I turn up the music. I keep shooting hoops. This is the party, and a fun one. I am thoroughly entertained. Fuck I love nerf hoops.

One of my roommates comes out from his room, fat and white and bleary eyed. He surveys the situation. Me and hot girl dancing around playing nerf hoops drinking his beer. He addresses us.

“Hur Dur. Hur Durrrrrrr, Hur Durrr, Matt Daaaaaaamon.”

He goes back to his bedroom and slams the door as though to teach me a lesson. Lesson learned - don’t be a squid and spend the Saturday nights of your life playing network games. Go out and pick up stunning girls and put them on the dog couch back at your place while you drink beer and play nerf hoops.

The girl is getting frustrated that she can’t sway my attention from nerf hoops. She climbs up on my kitchen bench and starts to dancing seductively showing a lot of skin.

“Next time you will have to pay for it!” Implying that the way she dances on my benchtop is worth paying for. Negative. Though I would pay for beer and nerf hoops. Fun times.

She turns up the music while she’s dancing on my kitchen table. At this, my other roommate and his fatty girlfriend stumbles out into the light of the living room.

“Hur durrrrrrr, hur hur hur hur dur dur. Its late man hurr durrr.” They waddle back to their bedroom.

Noted, but not prioritized. Back to beer and nerf hoops and partying with the girl. The girl is laughing at them condescendingly. Or maybe she understands the international language of hur dur.

I’m getting good at getting the ball in the nerf hoops. Balancing a Melbourne bitter in one hand and defending against the glamorous wannabe-Russian. I’m in the zone.

I’m on fire, sinking consecutive shots. Russian is speaking in my ear but I am focused. I am the Hakeem Olajuwon of nerf. With hot detractions, still I sink. In triumph, I hug the HB-something. Then I push her onto the dog couch.

“OH COME-OOOOOOOOOOON!!!!” She kisses me. I remember that she is really hot and all the drama that I overcame to actually get her home.

With the girl rubbing herself up against me trying to get my attention, Jeffy comes to me in the form of a blue and glowing holographic figure. It's Jeffy, but he’s impersonating Tyler.

“Eh, eh, dude, dude…. Be in the moment.”

I ignore this and I think of Ryan. I wonder how the Real Social Dynamics championship is going and who’s leading for the year, him or I? I am concerned but self-assured that I can rein. Meanwhile, during my little fantasy trip, the girl has started to drag me, kissing my neck, to my bedroom. Interesting. What about nerf?! I worry.

In my room she climbs onto my bed, beginning to get girly, going from confident, pushy mode to please pay attention to me mode. I’m not convinced: I’m on a hot streak. I turn to go back to the kitchen for hoops, but she shouts.

“OH COOOOOOOOME-ON!....” I turn back and face her.

“…DO THE RIGHT THING AND FUCK ME!”

Haha, did she really just say that? Haha, I guess she did. Very well then. Now she’s taking off her dress. And climbing into my covers. Cool. The thought of nerf supremacy is fading. I’ve probably frustrated her enough. I comply with her request. Glory time begins… it is very good.

Mid-glory as things are getting out of control, she interrupts and yells at me.

“OH COME-ON!… THAT IS TOO ROUGH FOR ANY GIRL!”

There I was thinking she was Eastern European. Ah well, less rough glory times. We soon fall asleep.

There’s nothing quite like falling asleep, knowing you’ve done a killer program with a tanned, blonde, sexy, Polish honey invading your personal space. By this stage, the sun is just coming up over the horizon and it looks pretty cool from the view from my house. The girl falls asleep. I text Ryan wherever he is - somewhere a world away, telling him of my night. Then I fall to sleep satisfied.

In the morning, she wakes up first and initiates glory times again. Excellent. It’s getting hot around midday on a summer Sydney Sunday. Glory is a great way to start the day. Time for showers and coffees. We enjoy the view from the house and the girl and I fool around in the house some more. I have program soon. So I’ll have to figure out what I will do with this honey. But she’s getting all demanding and over confident. It’s kinda annoying.

“Oh come-on, you make me drink!...”

“Oh come-on, you drive me home…” To the middle of nowhere, I don’t think so.

“Oh come-on, come back to bed for me.”

Negative, woman. I have to see the students. I tell her we are going for breakfast in the city and we head off in the white knight. We park and we get some oysters for breakfast. I tell her I have a conference in a hotel soon and that she will have to fend for herself. She’s gorgeous, but I don’t know how long I will be able to deal with ‘oh come on, you be my slave, I am spoiled brat’. I’ll figure that out later. When I get to program, the students see that I’m still with the girl from last night. Now they can be sure that Real Social Dynamics is the real deal. REAL Social Dynamics, not Pretend Social Dynamics.

Glory times.

Epilogue. I dated the girl once after that night and that was enough to know that I didn’t have time for the childish commands she kept bestowing upon me. Later after that date, she texted me and met me at a bar. There she told me about how she moved into central Sydney. The whole time she expected me to fall all over her. I knew this because she said ‘Oh come on, you buy me a drink’ repeatedly. I ignored this.

I hung out with some guys from the Sydney crew. One of the guys was telling me about an awesome new place he was going to move into and that we could pull there as it was literally right across the road from the bar scene. Awesome, I thought. They asked me about the Polish girl and why she was bothering me. I told them about when I met her and told them not to humor the girl’s diva ways. They noted this, but I think they took it too far.

One guy, Wiktohr Qwhereholme, from Sweden was hitting on her shamelessly - brash and miscalibrated. He was getting nowhere because the girl was trying to get my attention back. Meanwhile, I was hitting on other girls looking for more love in the night. She was getting pissed at this. And when I kissed another girl in front of her, she was crestfallen. What made it worse was Wiktohr Qwereholm harassing her to irritation, which had now evolved into pretty rude verbal abuse. The girl was yelling abuse back. I didn’t want to be involved. I was talking to other girls. Why did he do this - I don’t know. I’m not his father or something.

The girl got pissed and screamed at him and threw drinks. She fucking hated Wiktohr Qwereholme. Frustrated that I was kissing another girl and sick of dealing with Wiktohr she left the bar. I left with my girl back to her place and had different glory times that night. Excellent.

The next day I get a call from Wiktohr. He said he had just moved into his new place. But he said when he opened the door to start moving, it was opened by the Polish Beauty.

Awkward times. Haha, oh well. SUMANOVA in Sydney adventures with Alexander~