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[TobiasK]

Pick Up Girls. Real Social Dynamics. The Keys To Control; The Checklist That Makes You Attractive
Exciting times for me now that I’m back here in Australia! I’m moving into a place with Natural Tim himself of http://www.dosomethingrad.com fame. I’m working on starting a hobby photography company, and with some consistency in my lifestyle I’ll finally have an opportunity to start writing my program and books ready for release next year. Europe was grand, but now it time to get back to business.
Today I come at you with some practical tips that you can implement immediately to get significantly better results at the bar or during the day.
First, the purpose of the practical tips. To reiterate, your goals in reading this site is to improve your pick up ability, you want to be able to inspire attraction in girls. To inspire attraction in girls you must take actions that cause you to be relaxed. There are things we know that you can to do to achieve ‘being relaxed’, things you can continually do to control how you feel, and therefore, maintain being naturally attractive.
The the actual process you need to go through to achieve natural attraction in field is;
-Relax, Monopolise Your Emotions, Express yourself (emotional sharing/emotional influence/ flirting/ causing arousal), girls are aroused by you (attraction/stimulated/excited/interested), be a consistent cause of arousal over an extended period of time(interaction), girl gets triggers that she is attracted to you, girls wanted to spend more time with you in an isolated situation, you get the girl.
Your goal, what you want to do, is to be the source of a girl’s arousal. In other words, you are interesting to her, then exciting to her, then she feels a connection with you (interacting for an extended period of time), add physicality (‘kino’ or physical interaction) and she will becomes physically aroused by you (turned on).
The first step in this goal is to ensure that the girl is reacting to you, NOT YOU REACTING TO THE GIRL. If you are getting a lot of instant disinterest or if you are getting a lot of blow outs it will most likely be because the girl can see(feel/sense/detect your vibe) that you are reacting to her.
In simpler terms, if the girls are NOT reacting to you, and you are reacting to them, they will immediately categorise you as an UNATTRACTIVE GUY and they wont even give you a chance. This instantaneous judgement is based solely ON YOUR VIBE.
So, anxiousness, tension, stress, or a feeling of acute social pressure equates to perpetual failure when practising cold approach pick up.
(Excitement, anticipation, heightened sensitivity, riskiness and ‘butterflies’ are similar emotions that will usually be present during approach and interaction. The Difference between a GOOD VIBE and a BAD VIBE is if you are UNAPOLOGETIC (not sorry for wasting others’ time) or not)
Anxiousness, tension, stress, or a feeling of acute social pressure triggers a girl’s ‘unattractive guy’ radar instantly and results in short answers, obvious disinterest, running away, laughing at you or saying things like “I’m not interested” before you can even hook the conversation.
If you are going through the transformation process of maturation from socially anxious guy to socially comfortable guy you simply have to face these situations head on. Just approach and expand your comfort zone so that approaching people and running conversations lies within your comfort zone causing no anxiety, and therefore, no instantaneous bad categorisations(bad first impressions) by the girls you approach.
On any given night you can do a few approaches and cross a social indifference threshold. At the start of the night you carry anxiety and receive ‘disinterest responses’. After a few approaches your comfort zone settles down and you discontinue to communicate anxiety, causing people to comfortably open with much more consistency. Your indifference threshold(comfort zone) will settle quicker with each night of experience you have.
IT IS EXTREMELY important to acknowledge the times you cross YOUR indifference threshold (comfort zone) so that your mind can become familiar with the idea of having no anxiety. Acknowledging your good experiences to your self expands your comfort zone giving you the best mileage from the efforts you are making to go out and become better at cold approach pick up.
After a period of years you will never have any social anxiety ever. Until you reach that point you will usually have minor anxiety as if you were going to jump off a high platform into a pool, but once you make that first jump the anxiety fades and follow efforts become easy. When you really master the game, you are like a professional diver and hold no anxiety whatsoever when making the jumps.
Its really important to realise that you don’t combat negatively transmitted anxious vibes through energy or getting pumped up. Overcoming ‘being inside your head’ by being extremely extroverted(yelling screaming, drawing massive attention to yourself, being overly energetic, grabbing strngers in an aggressive way, being a general dickhead) can work momentarily but invariably crashes as quickly as it it was built up.
Even just thinking about these behaviours causes me stress.
Stress IS a vibe of anxiety. Being pumped up and extroverted can be momentarily engaging, but this mode makes it very difficult to keep an interaction going for longer than 20 minutes, let along keep the interaction going over the course of the night. Beware of the visible responses you get from girls when you get pumped up. If your looking for those visible reactions its a sign that you lack security and self trust. Refer to the natural instincts method (NATURAL INSTINCTS METHOD) and remember that a girls’ ‘quiet and attentive’ reaction to you is the true indicator that you are inspiring attraction during your interactions.
The answer then is to become relaxed. The relaxed vibe brings you back to your default state; a positive chilled out vibe. Having the positive vibe has girls automatically categorising you as an ATTRACTIVE GUY solely from your approach. You make a good impression before you even start your conversation.
Instead of being anxious, you want to become relaxed enough you become socially indifferent to the point of boredom. Through boredom you feel compelled to take initiative by doing things like starting conversations, talking to (flirting with) girls and meeting new people with the intention having fun and generating self amusement. Being in a mood that automatically(naturally) causes the same good emotions (WHATEVER YOU FEEL THEY FEEL) in others. If you are the cause of arousal in a girl, then the girl will be attracted to you.
How do you obtain and retain being relaxed?. The answer is in understanding the keys to control.
Consciously remembering to do things that interrupt bad habits have a physiological effects that lead to relaxation. Once relaxed you can control your expression and achieve arousal (attraction).
In learning pick up, you can instantly control what you focus your thoughts on and choose which behaviours you implement. To make a full transformation (congruency shift) you need to align thought, behaviour AND emotion. By doing certain actions, and focus on learned thoughts you expose your emotions to new experiences which reinforce what you are thinking and how you are behaving making you more familiar with the new emotional stats that you seek to internalise. Becoming more familiar with emotional states is to ‘bring them within your comfort zone’ thus changing your emotional congruence; this is transformation.
The keys to control behaviours are physical things you can do that change your physiological state, which change your emotional state. Controlling your emotional state allows you to take control of your thoughts and actions. If you can control thoughts and actions socially you can have good social skills, strong frame and congruence. The keys to control are the root cause of coming into congruence with being naturally attractive.
Here are the physiological adjustments in video reference form;
For text reference lets go over the physiological keys of control in list form
Honour The 2 Hour Rule “2HR” (2 HOUR RULE ARTICLE)
Your first priority when you go out is yourself. The bar is the temple of relaxation, designed for you to have a good time, enjoy music and interact with gorgeous girls. Unwind first. The bar is your holiday zone, not the work zone. Like the movie inception, if you take your time to unwind you will find yourself in that great social mood without exactly knowing how you got there. Relax and know that the right social mood will invariably come to you.Ensure That
Your Weight Is Balanced Through Your Heels, Not The Balls Of Your Feet.
The fastest most effective way to correct your vibe is to change the way you balance your weight. A low value person tends to lean forward for fear of people walking away or not being paid attention to. A high value person goes at their own pace, leans back and uses social situations to unwind and relax. Leaning forward send uptight negative vibes, leaning back radiates relaxed, positive easy going vibes.
Ensuring that you balancing your weight through the heels of your feet releases the tension in your shoulders. This allows you to speak slowly, clearly and with more resonance. Weight though heels causes you to conceptually “take up more space” and gives you a feeling of freedom to take up more space while expressing yourself.
Leaning forward constricts your speech, expression and accumulates negative vibes. A high centre of gravity and tension in your shoulders and chest leads to a negative visceral effect on your which gives you an unnecessary urgent sense of social pressure. This effect can cause ‘urgent thinking’ resulting in you overthinking about what you say causing you to ‘run out of things to say’ or saying uncreative, unnatural stupid things.
Note****** Girls wear high heels in many social situations. This can have negative physiological effects that causes them stress and some of the negative traits that I have mentioned here. Try standing and communicating as though you were wearing high heels. Don’t ever be impatient with girls if they appear to be stressed towards you, its your job to be relaxed enough to make them feel comfortable(relaxed) with you.
Tapping Your Feet.
In any social Situation there will be music which is designed to get people to loosen up and begin to have fun. Compare reciting the words “hi, my name is XXXXX, nice to meet you” once while you are standing still and once while you are tapping your feet. Notice that the included tapping sets your entire physiology alight putting you into a good mood. You should instantly notice that by including foot tapping into you physiology you smile while you speak and your eyes light up while you express yourself. In my opinion, your primary source of good feelings come through your own initiative, and ‘getting into’ the music of the venue by tapping your feet is the kind of initiative that causes you to feel good, unwind and have you relaxing into your comfort zone ready to start approaching and having fun on a night out doing cold approach pick up. I know that Jeffy and I both tend to tap our heels not our feet to get our initiative and good mood going, but do whatever feels good for you personally.
There there are more basic ideas like stopping to take deep breathes from time to time. Stretching your arms out to take up space and release endorphins. Bouncing up and down on your feet or dancing – motion is emotion. Talking to people. Singing and dancing.
PLEASE REMEMBER… the goal of all of this is not to get pumped up. The goal is to relax. Being relaxed and unwound is a solid and stable thing where you are in control. Being relaxed has been understood with terminologies such as STATE, nimbus, being in the moment, being in the zone or whatever. Furthermore, the goal isn’t to build social momentum, that too is an unstable thing that can easily be lost. Instead you goal is to be unwound, which is much more obtainable and sustainable. A girl unconsciously responds automatically well if you have LOW ANXIETY in your emotional communication during your approach and during the times she gives you the inevitable non-compliance tests early in every interaction. Being relaxed (not in state) and being unwound (not social momentum) are too ways to minimalize emotional anxiety. These principles and terminologies make for easier mental pathways to obtain and retain the low emotional anxiety that you need to have and retain low anxiety in the set for you to be good at Natural Instincts Game.
Being Relaxed gives you monopoly over your emotions with which you can use your emotions to be influential and expressive. You can be the source of the reactions (influence and being arousing (attraction)) not being reactive to others’ around you.
From time to time everybody negatively reverts backward into an uptight anxious emotional state. This happens to everyone including instructors. When this does inevitably happen, manage it. Remember that it’s un unavoidable part of the game that you just have to be prepared for. Don’t even try to defend yourself against the inevitable. Instead just stop, remind yourself that the goal is to be relaxed and go through the check list I have talked about in the video and the notes above. I for one will say that I feel uptight and a bit pissed off. I go for a quick walk, get a drink, take a deep breath, alter my physiology into an arrangement that makes me feel better, give myself some time and before I know it I’m back in the mood of RELAXED AROUSAL that has worked for me and others’ hundreds of times in the past.
Relax, and if you’re not familiar with being relaxed, follow my instructions.
Alexander~
Executive Coach
Real Social Dynamics