Tyler on empathy / Eliott vid

[godsgift]

http://www.rsdnation.com/node/494474/

So this past weekend I had a few students who experienced a lot of challenge with social calibration -- ie: empathy of how they were making other people feel -- and it got me thinking about SOCIAL CALIBRATION and EMPATHY.

This is kind of an interesting area for me personally.

When I was first learning game, I was constantly obsessing about whether or not girls were upset by me approaching them, escalating, pulling them, etc. My biggest obstacle was thinking TOO MUCH about what the girls were thinking, to the point it made me seem indecisive and beta.

Eventually I learned that by pushing through that fear, and just going for it, it sort of "balanced out" my usual over analysis of what the girls were thinking, and I would get laid.

So in my teaching this has sort of come out with me saying a lot of "MAN UP!! JUST DO IT!! CLOSE!!"

In reality though, I think there's also the other end of the spectrum where there's guys who truly do not give a fuck if they're offending the girls, and go in the total opposite direction.

What they need is more EMPATHY.

They need to actually GIVE A FUCK how they're making the girl feel.

This is a subtle balance between empathy and sociopathy. On one level you have to be aware of the girls' subjective reality and how you're making her feel, but on another level you also have to be able to cut over what she's doing and impose your frame on her so that she gets attracted.

You have to be both the pushy guy at times as well as the empathetic guy who doesn't creep her out at other times.

It's funny to think that in my game I'm both pushy as fuck (look my the vid in my sig) but also hyper calibrated to how I make the girl feel. I have to do BOTH, and alternate between the two.

So how do I TEACH this? I want to expand on it while I'm still teaching game.

I obviously have a ton of ways I've done it, but at times I've failed to connect, as the guys who don't give a fuck don't see how "giving a fuck" would be of value to them.

This is especially the case with guys who believe that "technique" can save them from learning to really relate with other people as human beings.

And again this is a complex area, because on one level you want to really relate with the girl, but on another level you DO want to pimp her into your reality.

The problem is guys get so focused on pimping the girl, they wind up coming across as "a little off" because they obviously don't have any view of the girl as a human at all (which actually makes THEM look weird, not the girl...)

Also IMO the hardest part of this phenomenon is that often with dudes who lack empathy, they also believe the next technique will finally get them laid - so when I push them to learn empathy they have little interest. They may even think it's a "cop out" from showing them whatever secret technique I've been holding back.

IMO this occurs because on some unconscious level they don't believe they ever COULD learn empathy or social calibration, so they keep trying to find ways to avoid learning it. So to get them to want to learn it, I'd also have to convince them that it's possible and beneficial to learn in the first place.

This was really the challenge back when the book "The Game" came out, and dudes were flooding in who truly believed in they memorized enough routines they would suddenly get laid.

And then the whole weekend wound up being about unwiring their fucked up beliefs on this, while they'd complain that they should have taken a Bootcamp with a company that would show them the real secrets, and then usually a year or two later they'd email me profusely thanking me for saving them from that and helping them get laid.

(Literally viewing it like I saved them from a life of pure shit lol...)

Anyway I do NOT want this to be a bitch fest about people who "don't get it" -- but rather would love to hear experience from people who have had trouble with empathy and social calibraiton themselves (tell me how I can help teach you!), or who have buddies who are overly obsessed with techniques and failing to calibrate or view the girls as human beings and interact with them as such (I'll make a vid you can show them!).

And btw the last thought I'd share to hammer the point....

One of my students, he went up to IMO the hottest girl of the night and tried to execute a pickup technique he'd learned, then got shut down. No big deal obviously, we all get shot down at times. Regardless, I opened her next being very normal and basically just hooked her in by my "vibe" so to speak, and she jumped off of the guy she was with, exclaimed "I'm hanging out with YOU all night!!!" and came with us.

THIS HAPPENED because I came across as a guy who was both pushy but also very aware of how she felt, unlike most guys who approach.

Yes I pushed over the guy she was talking to, which is a clearly very unempathetic, and then I dragged her out of her previous conversation, which is pretty nuts. But from there it was FULLY OBVIOUS that I fully understood how she felt, was treating her like a normal human being, and could be trusted to relate with her and NOT make her uncomfortable.

On one level YES I was teasing the shit out of her, even dissed her a bit, but then on another level there was just something about my vibe that i GOT her and knew how to make her feel GOOD. She could sense she would never feel uncomfortable with me, and only have fun.

I was somewhat pushy, but at the same time very human. It was that critical combination that conveyed true confidence, not some gimmicky weird shit I was trying to do.

So that's what I really want to teach, and come up with ways to...

1) Get students to BUY IN that social calibration and empathy is critical to their success (WAY more than techniques). Like get them to believe it's worthwhile to learn in the first place, and very possible to just pull women off of mostly the "right vibe" (with just a bit of technique peppered in to move things properly...)

2) Explain that it's a subtle combination of both empathy and sociopathy -- ie: fully treating her like a human, but also being willing to not give a fuck what she thinks and draw her into your world.

3) Create "models" for what social calibraition actually is, and how to go about learning it in a step by step way. Exercises, etc.

I think I could do some great work here while I'm still teaching pickup, and leave behind a few great vids on it.

Thanks for reading all this lol, thoughts appreciated!!

Tyler

I've also found an Elliot Hulse video that is very similar to what I was saying. WATCH IT.

[Danger]

Bra skit som fler borde tänka på. Var en PUA wannabe faggot som creepade ut min tjejkompis rejält förra helgen, förstörde hennes kväll totalt. Dont be fags

[Lucid_dreamer]

Really? Tyler har kommit på att det är viktigt att kalibrera?
Tycker denna artikel summerar rätt bra RSD affärsidè:

Ta klassiska pick-up termer (calibration, push/ pull) och döp om det till nått nytt flashy så att det verkar som om RSD är nyskapande och det enda företag som lär ut det (Empathy, spiking her emotional RKG).

Just my 2 cents...

[godsgift]

Really? Tyler har kommit på att det är viktigt att kalibrera?
Tycker denna artikel summerar rätt bra RSD affärsidè:

Ta klassiska pick-up termer (calibration, push/ pull) och döp om det till nått nytt flashy så att det verkar som om RSD är nyskapande och det enda företag som lär ut det (Empathy, spiking her emotional RKG).

Just my 2 cents...

Ser inte vart Tyler utger sig för att vara "the founder" of empati? Är ju bara en hjälpsam artikel.

Anyway jag tyckte både artikeln och videon var riktigt bra. Har själv pushat för hårt/dominant/sexuellt flera gånger så detta var guld. Fick till en dubble-pull på två riktiga hotties igår bara för att jag chillade ner och lyssnade till dem.

[Lucid_dreamer]

Ser inte vart Tyler utger sig för att vara "the founder" of empati? Är ju bara en hjälpsam artikel.

Anyway jag tyckte både artikeln och videon var riktigt bra. Har själv pushat för hårt/dominant/sexuellt flera gånger så detta var guld. Fick till en dubble-pull på två riktiga hotties igår bara för att jag chillade ner och lyssnade till dem.

Ok, good for you, man!