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[TobiasK]

BY Brad- | May 29th, 2009 at 4:51 PM
How to Get Laid on the First Date
It was a quaint little café. Dark alcoves with plush couches, dimly lit by small candles. Cool chill house music permeated throughout. The staff always seemed distant, yet their pretentiousness somehow added to the vibe. That, or the effects of a few glasses of wine seemed to mollify their behavior.
The best part, it was two blocks from my apartment, and for a brief period of my life became my second home.
During this time I was averaging about 3 dates a week, always with the same itinerary. We’d have 2 glasses of wine, some superficial conversation, and then head back to my place to test out another bottle.

It worked like a charm. Almost every time the girl would either come back to my place, or offer to head to hers. But it wasn’t leading to sex!!!
At one point, I was “dating” 7 different girls and not sleeping with any of them.
It always ended at the EXACT same point. We’d be rolling around on the bed, shirts would come off, but then the scariest words in the world would come out of her mouth…
“Not yet.”
Anything beyond that…
No go.
Where was I going wrong?
Was it something I said? Something I did?
Over the next few months I was able to discern where I went wrong, and developed a few key techniques to overcome this frustrating quagmire.
Failing to Lead the Interaction
I can boil almost any sticking point down to a failure to lead. Whether it be physically, verbally, sexually, emotionally, the root cause is always the same.
This happens in the bedroom too. You have to LEAD the woman.
In current day society, the harshest criticism a woman can receive is being labeled as a slut. For this reason, women are very apprehensive about making any sexual advances.
You cannot be waiting for her to give you a “sign” to take the next step. She is not going to take charge. You can’t wait for her to initiate, it will never happen. You need to take ALL responsibility off of her so she doesn’t have to worry about the social repercussions.
Put your balls on the line and GO FIRST. She will follow your lead, HAPPILY.
Falling into the Provider Role/CHERISHING
The second biggest reason most guys run into issues in the bedroom is because they fall into the typical provider/boyfriend frame. This can happen if you are either “cherishing” too much, or do too many things that could be considered boyfriend-girlfriend type mannerisms.
What happens is, by falling into a provider role, it frames the relationship into the traditional 1950’s dating style. This results in multiple dates, slowly escalating, because the woman wants you to think of her as “not just another notch on your bedpost.” She thinks of you as “boyfriend material”, and wants you to view her in the same light.
The BF/provider frame is subcommunicated. It is projected through all of your mannerisms i.e. how long you hold hands, word selection, etc.
To combat this, you must have the MINDSET of the “sexworthy man.” This is the guy that exudes sexual abundance, having many options with multiple women.
How do you gain this mindset? Well the easiest way is actually having lots of women in your life, but if that is not the case yet, try to stay away from any action that would be considered “cherishing.”
Another way to stay out of the provider role is not “giving the resume” when out on a date. There is no need to tell her every last detail about your entire life. The less she knows, the more she will fill in the gaps with her perfect man. This makes the experience more visceral for both of you when you get home.
Keep Things Playful
At any given time, you should know where the women’s emotional heart rate is at. The most successful way to naturally escalate the interaction is to always move things forward on high notes. You don’t want to escalate during a downswing, the stimulus level just isn’t there.
Pay attention to the basal level of stimulus in any given situation. When you are just lounging around watching TV, there isn’t much stimulus in the area. In this situation, trying to escalate straight into a makeout would seem awkward because there is a large gap in emotional value.
Now think about if the two of you are in a club, flirting back and forth, with loud music playing. Going for the kiss is much more natural because there isn’t as much of a gap between where you are now and the kiss.
The goal is to try to find ways to keep the stimulus level high on your date also. Keep things playful, and you will be able to escalate more naturally.
EXAMPLES:
My favorite is the bag of Starburst.
Now I don’t want to start walking around and seeing women everywhere running around with little square bruises, but it’s fun and works. Say she is coming out of the bathroom. Have a bag of starburst behind the counter and just start chucking them at her. It’s just a simple way to keep things playful, so it doesn’t fall into boring chodeversation zone.
Same thing goes with pillow fights. Say you are already on the bed making out and she stops any further advances. Just be all chill and then real quick start batting her with pillows. With the “buying temperature” increased, it is easy to take the next step in the escalation ladder.
So remember…
Always LEAD, stay out of the provider frame, and keep things PLAYFUL!
And in the long term realize that you won’t have to rely on these techniques as much because, with experience, you will be naturally comfortable in these situations. A lot of the early issues I had, and the techniques I used to overcome them, were just covering up the fact that I wasn’t comfortable with having a girl in isolation, and didn’t have experience in this new environment.