Brad@RSD Samlade artiklar.

[TobiasK]

Another friend of mine from Guatemala had a few cool insights.

Let’s say you settle for a certain girl because it is convenient and you want that comfort. Yet internally, you know you aren’t happy and say to yourself that you are still looking out for a better girl when she comes around.

Well if you are with this sub-par girl, how much time can you really spend looking for that new girl? How much of your physical time is spent with your girlfriend? How much mental energy are you spending on her that should be spent working on YOURSELF, making yourself more attractive/centered and finding the girl you really want?

Another concept that we talked about, right as we parted ways before leaving the airport, was how he embraces the dating process, both the start and the breakup.

Just as each rejection is a learning experience, so is each relationship. Each relationship gives you an opportunity to hone your relationship skills, making you a better companion for that next girl you find.

Then hopefully when you do find that girl you really want, you will be ready and the relationship will flourish.

But one last piece of advice that Tyler suggested.

There will always be a better girl. Always a better match. There is no one special girl, and you can’t spend your entire life waiting for that perfect one to come, because it is inevitable that you will always find someone better if you look hard enough, wait long enough.

So at some point you just need to hunker down, not settle, but when you find someone that you are really interested in, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and put 100% into that relationship and enjoy life.

My new perspective is that of patience. I am just being patient. I see how everything I do now is only going to make me that much more centered, that much more of an attractive man.

The work I am putting in through all this traveling, all these life experiences, and girls… It is all for when I do find that special one, and I’ll know EXACTLY how to make it happen.

It’s good being back boys…

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Originally posted on http://www.BradBranson.com November 8th, 2010
Title: How Changing Your Beliefs Changes Your Emotions

… Let’s say you just broke up with your girlfriend. You feel pain. What is that pain associated with?

Many times, your identity is heavily tied into the relationship. You view yourself as a COUPLE, and you factor every action you take through the filter of how it relates to BOTH you and your relationship.

Also, it might be due to the possessiveness you feel towards the girl and how that gives your life meaning.

Whatever the cause, let’s try to figure out how we can overcome the strong emotional feelings you get after a break up, and how you can change sadness into MOTIVATION.

You need to first become conscious of the specific reasons for why there is an emotional pain, and realize what belief structures you have in place that create the emotional response.

Sometimes that ugly beast scarcity bubbles up and you feel that you won’t be able to find another girl like the one you lost, or maybe it’s just the emotional connection you had with her, and don’t think you’ll be able to find that with anyone else.

Well, that is most likely because you only have that one experience with her, and the emotions are always strong in a relationship, which intensifies the experience even more.

The more reference points you have, and the more emotions tied to the experience, the stronger the belief.

How many reference points do you have to the opposite? That there IS another girl out there that can give you those feelings?

Most likely none!

So how do we change this belief?

We must attribute more pain to you staying in that relationship, even if it is out of your control to stay in it anymore, than the pain you feel outside of the relationship.

Think of the scenarios that would happen if you were to stay in that relationship. The stifling you would have from not growing, not working on yourself.

Think about all the girls you met along your path to meeting that previous girl, and how that helped you grow into the man that was able to attract that girl.

Think about how much more you will be able to grow as you get back into putting your personality on the line every weekend. The introspection that goes along with pickup and self actualization as a whole.

Try to meditate and create a visceral experience in your body as you start getting those successes again. How great does it feel to pull a gorgeous girl at the end of the night?

Man, I’ve had some amazing experiences the last few weeks with girls, and I wish I could go back in time and tell my old self a year and a half ago, as I was getting out of a break up, that I would be having the crazy success I’ve been having lately.

Living the life I’m living, how none of it would have happened if I would have stayed with that girl.

I’m relishing in the moment, and reinforcing new beliefs now.

YOU have control over your beliefs and your emotions if you want to.

Start taking control and stop living life in reaction.

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Originally posted on http://www.BradBranson.com November 9th, 2010
Title: Breaking up is Hard to Do!

Yesterdays article brought a flood of questions from some guys, and one in particular piqued my interest.

So here is his email and my response:

“Hey man,

I just broke up with my girl, and I feel like shit.

She basically put me on the same ultimatum of serious relationship or nothing.

It’s weird we’ve “been together” for more then 1.5 years now and I’d never thought that I would actually care that much when it’s over. I think she’s the closest I’ve ever come to having a real girlfriend, yet I know that I probably couldnt stay faithful to her.

It sucks because I really wonder if I can ever have a ‘normal’ relationship, or if its just going to be an endless string of sexual encounters, pain/fun and destruction. I liked her a lot yet a relationship wouldn’t have worked, I would have cheated on her she would have been unhappy and I don’t really want that kind of relationship.

Is it just the ego attachments that make me feel awful or am I maybe making a big mistake. This shit is fucked up. I everybody knew what getting into this pickup/mckenna/life stuff meant, nobody would ever want to and no pu company would make money ;>

Do you think that meaningful relationships are just some romantic concept I’m still clinging to and there is nothing like that and most people are just disceiving themselves? It’s weird I’m thinking that all the random sex I’ve had might amount to nothing and I should just drop it and have a relationship with her, but then I know that I couldn’t switch off that part of me. Yeah so fuck me :/

Thanks”

Ya, I think everyone has to go through this break up dilemma at some point.

One of the best things I’ve heard about this, something I have said before, is from my mentor.

He said, “Dude. I’ve been out almost every weekend this year. I’ve been dating my girl for 5 years. And I literally met at least 15 women this year that would probably be better for me than her. Women that were more successful, hotter, whatever… There is always a better girl.”

You are only going to get cooler as you get older and you will find another, better girl. GUARANTEED.

It’s inevitable, I have no doubt whatsoever, the girls I’m getting lately are 1000X better than my girl or any other girl I was getting a year and a half ago.

As for the meaningless sex stuff, you can’t look at it as a negative thing. The ups and downs you have from that are not related to the sex or the journey but your perception of it.

If you view sex as a fun thing, not something to identify with, not something to give your life meaning, but just a cool more fun thing to do than anything else that is socially accepted as cool and fun, then you won’t have those emotional attachments towards it.

It’s the old “release the tiller” analogy. Stop fighting the current and just go along for the ride.

For me, girls is just part of my story. Being a man of stories, partying a lot and meeting a lot of hot girls. I don’t identify with it, I actually think it’s pretty funny, and I don’t have those emotional swings because of this.

As for the relationship, the fact that you have any doubt about being with that girl means that the only way it would work, is if you somehow DAILY deluded yourself into thinking that you are happy. When you won’t be.

You need to stop thinking short term. Think long term.

Short term SMALL pain will lead to long term HAPPINESS. Times 1000 dude.

Do you really see yourself marrying this girl? I doubt it.

So don’t think about wasting time with her exclusively unless you think it will help you grow, and I think you already know the answer to that.

As for ever having a serious exclusive relationship. I’ve already came to the conclusion that I won’t. I don’t believe in monogamy. I don’t think it’s natural.

Does that make me pissed, or sad, or jaded?

Not at all.

It’s just my logical conclusion, and through that filter, how I decide to move forward.

I do wish that I was in an intimate relationship sometimes, I think I’m hardwired for one. But I have the trust in my skillset that if I were to meet someone I really like, I’ve experienced enough to hold on to her, and also not be constantly worried that I’m missing out on life or something.

But even her, I don’t think I could ever be 100% monogamous.

Would I cheat on her all the time? No.

But if I was away on some business trip and I met a really cool/hot girl, would I feel guilty about sleeping with her?

No.

I just don’t attach any sort of intimacy towards sex.

That doesn’t mean I would tell my “significant other” about it, that would be unnecessary.

And in a lot of ways, I think these random “flings” would only make our relationship healthier. I wouldn’t have those thoughts about my girl “holding me back.”

You ask about people in romantic relationships and if they are “deceiving themselves.”

Many are. 99% of humanity lives in scarcity. They cling to security and take the first thing that comes along. They trade motivation and happiness for security because it’s more painful to be alone, than to be unsatisfied in a shitty relationship.

Again, I do see happy relationships. There is a lot to be gained from having an intimate relationship with someone, especially if you are happy in it. And I want to have kids some day too.

But I know I’m still meeting hotter and hotter, cooler and cooler, more successful and amazing girls, so I am in NO HURRY to settle down.

Can you delude yourself? I think it’s too late for you. You’ve already gone too far “down the rabbit hole.”

Is that a bad thing? Well naivety can be good. But I prefer truth.

What to do now?

You talk about ego attachments, and yeah, those are the hardest to break. I had to systematically cut each one CONSCIOUSLY that I had between my ex and myself.

First things first, no contact.

Do not text, do not call, do not email. I deleted my girls number, I don’t even know it, so no drunk dialing.

Delete the number. Cut her from your facebook newsfeed, and any friends associated with her that you might get secondhand inferences to what she is doing.

Get rid of anything in your place that reminds her of you. Shirts, gifts, whatever, get rid of it all. Damn I miss that watch she got me, but it’s gotta go.

Switch up your location. Get out of your environment and check out a new city and the girls it has to offer.

Get out there and start fucking girls! Get over it by going out and finding other cool girls.

It took me a good year before I didn’t think of my girl at least once a day. So expect that. And don’t think that because you think about her all the time is “a sign that it was meant to be.”

It’s not. It’s just another example of the old story, a sign of the attachments we create, a way to give your life meaning.

Those thoughts will go away. And life moves on. And it gets A LOT better. Then you die and everyone forgets about you.

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Originally posted on http://www.BradBranson.com December 9th, 2010
Title: How to Get a STUNNER Girlfriend

One last article where I received another question from a former student.

"Hey Brad,

Since I came from the bootcamp I dated 3 girls. I sort of forced myself into it. The “problem” is this: they were all cute and nice but not really my ideal.

Eventually I just couldn’t feel enough attraction for them. Logically all were nice girls without any psycho problems and all theoretically “marriable” in the long term.

But I realized through these experiences that I am extremely visual and if there’s something I don’t like – not a really beautiful face, not really slim and proportionate body, I just lose the feeling.

The problem then is this: when I break up with them, they are of course devastated. And I don’t like that.

So I am sort of stuck: if I don’t date, it’ sucks. If I date and then let them go, they suffer and I don’t like that either.

Maybe one night stands are the only way to make these short term adventures work? I see that if I date a girl even just for a short time (I met one girl 4 times and we ended up in bed and she became so passionate and obsessed that I had to break up with her immediately the next day. Otherwise the pain of breaking up after a month or so would be even greater for her.)

So I might look only for my ideal girl because that’s where I really feel the passion and attraction. It’s a tough one though because I like really the super good looking ones.

And I might also go out and look only for a “pull” like you call it. How do girls react after the “pull”?

Happy holidays to you too and keep up the good stuff you write about!"
————–

There are a couple of things that come to mind when I read this question.

It happens often to guys as they start getting good results.

First things first, how are you framing the relationship?

If you want exclusivity, that is cool, but it also might be a good idea to keep the relationship more casual so you don’t have to make a decision so quickly about how serious you want the relationship to be.

A lot of times when girls get really clingy real fast, it is more an issue of what the GUY projects as opposed to what she wants.

Yes, most girls, when they find an amazing guy, want to try and pin him down.

But if you create the proper framework from the beginning, and act congruent with this, you mitigate a lot of these types of problems.

I know that I am probably one of the most “eligible bachelors” most girls will ever meet, but if a girl starts dating me, she also realizes based on my travel schedule, how I act around her and other girls, and the stories I tell, that she is going to have a REALLY hard time reigning me in.

Most girls just think it’s out of the question.

Knowing your travel schedule (the former student travels a lot), and the tangible things you have going for you, it shouldn’t be too hard to create a similar context.

If you are traveling all the time, a girl should realize that nothing is going to be long term with you, unless YOU make that decision.

Again, a lot of times a girl gets confused though, because most guys don’t have an example of how to interact with a girl besides traditional monogamous relationships, and Hollywood.

You can’t fall into boyfriend/girlfriend like habits like holding hands, and buying dinners, unless it’s incorporated with slapping them on the ass and telling her you plan to fuck her in the bathroom later.

Now, I like being chivalrous and opening doors for girls, but I’m still going to slap her ass once she walks through the door.

Always keep it fun and light hearted, no matter how far into a relationship you are.

It’s being dynamic, showing that you care, but also showing that you are not the typical boyfriend type of guy, you are coming from a place of abundance.

Then there is the old rule of only seeing them so often.

If you are trying to keep it casual, the once a week rule is an important one.
——
Now let’s move on to if things are framed a little differently.

Instead of the casual relationship, there is also the concept of having girlfriends for 3-6 months, fairly exclusive, and seeing each other more regularly.

In this situation it’s hard to not allow the girl to develop serious emotional attachments, especially if you are really cool and have a great lifestyle that you can bring her into.

But it’s something I talked about in the Cold Hearted Player posts a while back.

I think there was a reason why these posts were so popular.

It resonated with a lot of people, and turned off others that haven’t been through the process yet.

Most guys who haven’t always been successful with girls, sympathize with the girls they date.

They break up with them, see that they are sad, and remember back when they were in that position.

Maybe it was a girl that they had a crush on, but couldn’t get. Or maybe they lost a girlfriend because they were too chode.

Then when the script is flipped, and THEY are the one breaking up with the girl, they see the pain they cause, and it makes them feel bad.

But what happens is, being the rock star, having the abundance, this scenario plays out OVER and OVER.

The more you experience pain, the more you desensitize. You don’t really become numb, you just don’t put as much value on it anymore.

Just as the first rejection is the worst, but after thousands of rebuffs and rejections, you put no value on them, and it doesn’t even register as an emotional event.

I see the process in motion all the time with guys that I train up long term.

Usually the first few months I have a new assistant, when we pull 2 girls back, afterwards while I’m trying to kick mine out, he is in the other bed CHERISHING in the night.

I get pissed and try to hint that they should leave. And he CONTINUES CHERISHING!!!

Like it’s prom night or some shit.

I think part of it is that we assume girls are more clingy by nature, and yes to a great extent they are.

But for a one time thing, most girls are just as happy to walk away with a high five, saying “Well, that was fun. See ya later, maybe…”

Girls are just as cool with the random hookup as guys are, but if you PROJECT a socially conditioned reality that girls are sluts if they give it up the same night, and men are chauvinistic pigs, then those sort of vibes will come through.

The interesting thing that happens though is after you’ve taken 30-40-50-100 girls home, you stop caring so much.

It’s just a casual thing. You project that, they ping, and everything is cool.

You aren’t as emotionally invested in any girl, because you’ve experienced so many, had intimate experiences, had the attachments broken, and you realize it’s NO BIG DEAL.

Even if the girl is a little pissed or sad afterwards…

Girls LIKE TO BE EMOTIONAL!

Back to the 3-6 month type relationships.

There is going to be a little pain in a breakup, but there is also something that you need to develop long term if you want to really accomplish your goals in the self actualization department, and ultimately live a fulfilling life.

There was something I noticed recently when I went back to Europe.

I saw some of my old assistants, and they said they noticed a difference about me.

I told them that I felt different as well, the biggest reason…

I am more selfish.

Ayn Rand style.

I feel entitled to the world. I want it all.

And I plan to work for it.

If you feel entitled to a hotter girl…. GREAT!!!

Time to find her.

Don’t hold yourself back just because you feel bad for some other girl.

It’s survival of the fittest.

We are all animals at heart.

Do you feel bad if you stunt on someone else’s face in the business world?